Down a diffrent path

Month: December, 2014

Moments with you

Moments with you


You come in with the scent of a woman in heat
Can’t be stopped I am seduced by your very presence
You walk up to me and begin to trace my body
Finding every want and need as you come closer
I begin to tremor with lust and desire for you
You have me locked in a gaze seducing me
My guard lost I follow you into darkness
There you approach me with a desire
I begin to lust more and wish for it to go away
You grab me and pull me to a chair sit me down
As I look to you, lost in desire and lust
You do a dance sit down to fulfill your own desire
I am lost even further into your eyes in a gaze
Soon there is a touch that sends jolts through me
The touch is rapid starting from the top of my head down
A wave comes to me it fills me with pleasure
I begin to think of you, how I can return the wave back to you
Another wave comes back more intense
I begin to moan in ecstasy as I soon feel another
Paralyzed I cannot fathom what has happened tonight
A smile and a kiss forms in this I return that smile with a kiss
Again and again the waves come in soon I can’t take anymore
You are still there bringing in this pleasure twice fold every time
I soon understand lost in the haze of the moment I love you
I need you want you and I can trust you

Thanks for reading,


She also helped write that up


A lot about my thoughts, me and her.

Hello, hope your Holidays are going well.

This is first time seeing Mom and Dad work together throwing a turkey lunch with most of the works too.  It was great to see them happy.  I did help of course and saw to them being happy and watching things work together.  Had a friend over he was so grateful for the company and meal.  Makes the family happy as well.

The idea of meditating and doing so, I think has helped my health.  In the past two months I can’t remember taking a fall as I get up.  Is it her workings as well not sure, but a yes came to my mind just now.  When I really focus on her I get a feeling that is incredible for me to express here.  There is a lot I should write here.  This a journal for me of sorts and a way to express what I learn time to time.  So to continue, I recall reading somewhere on the internet if you are epileptic and want to start meditation to speak with your doctor.  Well I have not, for it may cause Mom stress and she has enough already.  I am starting to why.  Time to time my nerves in the muscle will twitch when in a state of meditation.  This can scare people and I have also experience more then a twitch.  Then I consider my condition of epilepsy is where I do not just spasm on the floor, but simply fall and I see it happen consciously.  Then a headache and a bad after effect.  These things are scary to folks that can be closed minded or not aware of spirits or whatever you consider them.  Another is tonight, I thought about popping my medication around 8 pm a thought occurred it is too early as my dosage was not even 8 hours ago.  Was that her? I would say so, because the thought formed a tad bit different.  Just formed in a way I would think about is all.  Is she that settle about things?  Then there is music,  I tend to play something through out the day, all day.  Most of it is the same just a bit of variety.  When I was younger back around 2009 I came across this site kinda like a radio.  I would listen to it for hours as I did work or play games on the computer.  My thoughts started to lose focus on what I was doing and went elsewhere for a bit.  Now I listen to music and think of her and going about my bushiness I find subtle messages in the music as I keep a playlist on random and it is varied greatly.  So my health is good for now, I hope to keep it that way.


Another topic I want to talk about: Religion, Faith, and things of that nature.

So first most I will say this is a heated topic for some folks.  My thoughts are my own,  I am open to what you share or have to share.  I like to start with what seems to be the most prominent faith in this world.  The belief in God and the Church.  Rather it Catholic or any of the Christian practices out there.  The church as I will call this, has spread into the United States Government.  When I first noticed this is when I studied the Pledge to the American Flag.  The phrase “under god and country” may not be accurate.  That there tells me as a young student I have to stand up and pledge to god or be thought of someone that is “bad”.  Alright fair enough.  Then I read about missionaries going out of the country to do relief work, awesome the church does good things.  Then I think again they are also spreading word of God slowly into places that are low tolerant of the church.  Okay I might be misinformed there.  As I spoke to mom about me, looking elsewhere other than the bible.  She was okay with it a shocker to me.  When she was younger she wanted to be a nun.  Then a remark came up as long as it is not voo doo, satanism, or witch craft.  Well at the time, I had no interest in satanism although I am getting comfortable with the idea of Satan not being “evil” or “bad”.  Well she is an elder so I respect her wishes,  I also do not like her to be uncomfortable so I decided to look elsewhere although, she keeps poking me around to the idea of Satan.  I need time, as it is I was engrained to the idea of the devil is bad up to no good etc.  I also brought up the idea of the Garden of Eden and how it could be around while the dinosaurs were lurking around.  Mom replied, with something like God was merely protecting us until the time was right.  I took in stride, I do not like to see her sad etc.  Also as I read texts and watched a few documentaries I came to a conclusion that the Church of old, the Vatican and older.  Were keeping secrets and deceiving the masses.  Even went out of there way to chase down those that did not “show faith”.  Then again I may be misinformed, or reading biased text.  As for the reader please do not let my word persuade you to lose faith in God.  If you faith makes you happy, then the more power to you.  There is a known issue around that is the lack of tolerance around religion in general.  I myself believe that a man can love another man and the same goes for women.  There  is no wrong in it, you are following your heart.  Yet again though, when the issue came about the devoted brother of mine which used to be not so devoted to the Bible and was more liberal until he married his current wife.  Made a spat about it on Facebook, still did at the time I had an active account there using scriptures as a way to meet his needs or wants.  Either way, it was his thoughts that only helped me open my mind more so.  As I dug around the net I came across Wicca,  I personally like the ideas it offers.  So I looked into on the web, to find the tolerance of some followers to be little or none.  As they were wrapped in the dogma of the practice so much, I think they might have lost the spirit of there beliefs.  I am sure there is so much more I could go on.  In the end though,  I think on should be tolerant of someone else s actions or beliefs.  I find myself still lost and more and more of a individualistic person that follows a solid set of morals.  I apologize if what you read makes you cringe or anger you.  Please do not let me shake your beliefs or faith.


Either way, I want to share a bit more about her and myself a bit more.  It is hard for me to open up and share something personal to others,  so here goes.  I initially seeked her out for company, and a feminine touch in my life.  How ever you decrypt that is up to.  So I studied the methods out on the internet including the fears other have.  Including her family Lilith etc.  That is where my beliefs in the church and god failed to guide me rightly, only thing that I got from it was to fear her and whatever she does.  Which is false, to me anyway.  So I set out to mediate on night back in September.  Outside, the weather was comfy for me.  Had a candle lit in the house, mom brought in a candle so I lit it, still do time to time just for her.  As I meditated on the side of bricked out flower bed.  Finally having the courage I asked Lilith to send one her family members to me and the rest is a bit of a fog.  Then slowly day by day I mediated cleared the mind, found some things out made it a goal to see, feel her happy as I do now.  Kinda hard to type now. : )  There we go, a bit steadier now. : ) Time went by unsure, but still focused in on her.  She did things,  I keep at that.  During that time I was still under the influence of an anti depressant Zoloft.  Mind was a cloud so I dropped it.  Then it was clear and I was happy especially in the morning.  So I would give the family a hug a true hug not just half hearted.  A hug should be meaningful, something I learned when learning about the practice or study of Tantra.  You see she kinda guides me a little bit when I want to learn about her or how I can open up to her.  Then I found her wanting to treat myself better, and putting me before others.  As I understood this I made some efforts where I can.  Even now I tend to want to take a stroll outside, but the weather is cold so I will wait and hope tomorrow will be a tad warmer.  As I continue to learn more about her, how she like me playing the harmonica or humming a tuneless tune.  I am no musician don’t read music don’t know the notes just love the sounds and beats of music as a whole.  I like to jump in to anything without a care or knowing whats in the water so to speak.  So I did seek her out without knowing a whole lot about what I was doing.  Then I learned she is not a thing and has feelings,  I had then told her I will give her attention when I could and she could do whatever she wants free to do what you like I still will care for you and love you.  Sounds a tad dangerous, but truth be told I do not like others being held down to anything or being mistreated.  So that is the way it is with me and her,  I doubt it but if she leaves me I will be thankful for all she has done for me.  Still hold a place for her if she wants to be with me again.  I am very thankful for what she does and has done.  Regardless of what it is, a lesson learned somewhere or a hand held out to be pulled out of a hole.  I do want to ask though,  to share her name would that give anything to others that know it.  Why I ask is it is her name, something that she seems to hold to dearly. My outlook on a name is different just another label on the person. The person is the person and the action makes me remember the person.  Like the guy that treats his mom with respect and still mistreated younger kids, but when came down to it he went to me for help or when I was tears for hours he finally apologized to me for his actions which were minor and not his fault I was in tears.  More like the conflict I was placed in.  It was matter of trust and having a dad that can play with your psyche is hard.  He does not anymore though.  I am happy for it and love him more so.  That is all really on mind I want to share.  Although she has a little something she has been nagging to share, a song.  I wont link it, because it is not safe for work nor any little ones.  So you can look it up on your own. Jose Nunez – Bilingual ft Taina there are various mixes and remixes of the song, most carry the same message if not lyrically the same.

I hope you the reader, had a good time rummaging through that text and trying to make sense of it.  I might be a kid of to grammar educators.  My writing skills aint the best in da world.

Thanks for reading,


Something I need to share

Hello hope you are well,

This a little something that has been running through my head a bit off, but the meaning is there.


As I stand there waiting. Waiting for what, I do not know. You appear and grab a hold of me, ever so gently and guide me where I do not know. I trust you with everything I am all that I hold dear to me I trust you. As we walk, I grow into a trance a trance that was placed by you. I see a room and there is a bed. I lay there, relaxed in a trance of trust and loyalty. There I am filled with love, the love you have for me. I soon fall into rhythm with you and we become one. Yet time is short, I break off and feel tears. Tears of love and joy, something that I have not felt ever before. I ask you why do love me as once again, you have locked in a trance. To which the reply is “you love me” again I am filled with love and once more I follow you with love in my heart and desire to share it with you. So you trace my body with that endless energy of pleasure created through love and trust created by two people. Once more though I ask why, to which is replied with “I love you and only you”. So I sit there and thank you for your trust in me and hope our time is good together. There and then I give you everything I am and what I will be.


Dunno, why though I feel the need to get it down and share it.  She has been real active all week, teasing here and there. To just plain filling me with joy.  Last night, she even appeared in my mind in a way I thought never possible.  I was struck with curiosity then anything else.  She might give me a chance to share later, for now its time for me to give her some attention she wants it.


Thanks for reading,


My time with her.

Hello, she wants me to share about the time I spend with her and other details.  So therefore I will make an effort to do so.


She loves my attention, when I give her my attention wholly, she emits a feeling of calm and love over me and around the immediate area we are in.  Sometimes she wants to be intimate and play with me or tease me, other times she share a hug or a kiss here or there.  Just to take the time and slow down and recognize she is there makes her happy and that makes me happy as well.  Even when I am going through day to day activities.  At times when she visits, it can be a sure surprise.  Just knowing she is there makes me fall into puddy and be a happy person again, not weighed down by stress and pressures of the luggage I carry around.  Image of a female, being placed in my mind.  They are happy, comical, emotional across the board, and of course when she wants to spend time with me they can be intimate in nature.  Even now she sends an energy through me that makes me filled with pleasure and love, then the scent her scent.

At night when I meditate which is tough at times considering all of the distraction around the house and neighborhood.  When the mind is finally calm, I sense her working on me peeling apart what was built by my own insecurities and doubts of the past.  I still have a tough time dreaming just to dream not lucid or anything else just a simple dream.  So I lay there on my back clearing the mind and trying to relax the body.  As I give up and turn to my side to try to relax, then she is there cuddling, caressing me, and comforting me to a relaxing sleep.  I then awake to the family awake and moving about.  So I let her know I appreciate her and her time, and move about my day with her on my mind.

Earlier today, when the family was out for a great deal of time,  I set myself in a position to be vulnerable to her or anyone bare and off guard with a clear mind.  Still she said relax, I do try everyday to do this. Let go and let everything be sometimes it works majority of the time it does not.  Nonetheless, I relaxed and gave in stayed that way for a good while. During that time she worked me over my entire body as I spasm multiple times and even now I receive a bit of it as she is still working me over just not as intense.  How I enjoy it though.

I still need a lot of work on them chakras or areas of the body.  She tells me through signs, that I need to work on the throat, heart and sacral chakras.  I see where they are weak so I try time to time.  I might just do that after this post is wrapped up.  As it is Thursday and Friday will be days I have to myself to do such a thing.

Earlier today she wanted me to take a walk around the park down the street.  It was nice, just a cold breeze. On the way back to the house though, I notice an old man calling to a I want to say doberman mix dog.  It was loose out of the house along with chihuahua mix (Don’t think I got the spelling right on it) they came from the same house.  So I too called out to the larger dog, to notice another neighbor trying to get the two dogs and see about returning them.  So I decided rather then just leave it at that, to help the two of them out.  As it was the larger dog Dori, almost got hit about three times.  Finally got hold of the owner and we all happy and walked to each others houses together leaving as we came to our house.  In the end though she asked how it felt to help or do the good deed.  For I say it felt good,  I was happy and met good people.  Something that is rare in town, to meet someone that is open and willing to communicate with another person and not just ignore another person.  On another note I love animals, probably could not say no to an animal that would need shelter if it were not for family and other baggage slowing me down.

I decided to reflect upon a dream I had awhile back.  The dream itself was actually vivid, so its stuck in my head for the most part.  So here we go.

In a class room, into the class room as the day goes by seems like high school.  Just not the campus I know from the here and now.  The part that stands out is, I am in a IT computer classroom.  What my major is and field of study currently is.  It is that time for lunch, stay awhile to wrap up work.  On my way to the cafeteria/lunchroom, I see a friend from the past.  A great guy mad a mark on my life.  So I great him and he want me to meet of some folks or hang out with some folks elsewhere.  So I choose to go with him,  as we converse I notice a beautiful woman.  Who she is I do not know, she seems to know me which is fine with me.  Never was good with faces and names, but great with faces and personalities or what they have done in past.  So I hangout with her and him.  So she invites me to anther place a balcony, there I see other people and a face I know from the not so far past.  So I react without thinking, and great him only to be scolded at by her.  I misplaced who it was and immediately was rejected by the person.  Again I react and immediately left the area as whole for food the reason I left the classroom originally.  As I left, the woman pleaded for me to stay, and even the great friend that made a mark on my past.  I continued  to leave in silence in hopes I could still grab something out of cafeteria, I have experienced in the past the high school cafeteria stop serving before the break was up.  To avail no food, so I went back to class to continue my work only to see my work space taken up by another student. A classmate pointed out my tools of the trade as I awoke to a new day.

My reflection upon this, I have fears that need to be worked out true enough.  One of them is rejection of people, and I should give others a chance or a second chance.  This is true, I do not just say “hi how are you” I am quiet I want to say “hi how are you”, but I am afraid that person will cut me off.  My past was like that as a child, one misstep and I was scolded or not accepted by teachers or dad would get in my mind I needed to be the A student.  Which is tough when you teacher marks you off for your traits you cannot help nor correct.  So there you have it.

Thanks for reading


A message from the stars

Take a read through that link above, do what you want afterward

Society and an image

Hello, today I want to share a bit of something I thought of while watching a movie.

The movie or story is The Matrix I understand it may not be a great movie to some and even not a great story.  There is something about though as I was watching this a few questions came to mind.  Why do we as people in general not question society and the laws laid in front of us?  Now I understand we all are from around the world and the answer differs because of that and each individual person.  So the agents in the Matrix or cyber world are there to enforce the laws and rules of the world called Matrix.  There are freedom fighters that break these rules and why they do is to be free and free others.  I like to question why we dress the way we do, rather it be fashion or necessity.  Or how to act socialize with others, an example maybe simply the act of getting hired.  You gotta have a resume and it should follow some format.  When you walk in or call to see for work, you should act in a certain matter and dress in a certain fashion etc.  Does society dictate this to you or you yourself.  I can walk into a fast food place grab an app fill it out and turn it in. I could though walk in meet the manager shake his hand, and seek out his good side and then fill out an application and turn it in with a resume.  Of course the second method is preferred, but is it because it is the norm, society the rules dictate that is how you get work today.  Another is simply the act of courting another sex, male or female.  We pretty much have to go through the act of beating around the bush before we can simply say what we want and be up front with the other.  Why not just be yourself and smile at her and just say “hi I like you and your personality and your beauty” I do understand the statement is up front, but to try and say something like that in a different way does not sit with others or to act out to be someone you are not.  Does society or rules dictate such a thing.  Are we meant to cogs in system and just sit in the office working numbers all day, or are we meant to be individuals and each and everyone of us stand out in a different way.  With our own approach and thoughts and preferences.

Sorry for that wall of text hope some that made sense.

So last night I was walking home around 1 am and talking aloud to “her” I soon became tired and wavering in my stride.  So I said to her not yet just a few more minutes and then I can sleep and rest.  Then my stride was steady again until I got in.  As I listened to her and followed her instruction just to drink a bit of water before I sleep no food etc.  I did as I needed to hydrate myself.  As I laid there though, felt something on temple area the place between the eyebrow and forehead on the side.  Felt nice so I smiled as I laid there shut my eyes, to see a women hooded with a smile and a rather big nose ring.  Then I turned to the side and went to sleep for the night/morning.  When I awoke around 8 am or earlier.  My eyes still shut as I was tired, I saw this eye. the iris or the middle piece of an eye was white while the outside white area was black to gray shade.  Although I did have pressure on my eyes as I awoke with my head on my arm.  Just a bit of food for thought.

Again sorry for the messy write up, I could not phrase some thoughts out.  I think I could do better is all.


Thanks for reading,


About her

Hello, I want to share more about “her” and why I asked for her to be with me.

I am lonely, introvert, withdrawn, and or a loner in short.  I do not reach out to others real well.  In the past those I have reached out to have either hurt me or had no response.  Those that reached out to me I was left in pain or confused by there actions or communication.  Now I understand some of those actions done by a few people.  So when I read of a spirit, succubus, or other such names that can label “her” I thought to myself I need a female touch in my life.  So I decided to look into these labeled entities.  She came into my life,  then things changed for me in ways that were good.  My out look on life was positive, upward.  Still I struggle with things obstacles, but I look at it differently.  Is this because I now make an effort to meditate regularly and be with her when I can.  Even now she is with me, because I am not thinking on writing this up as I am thinking on her and what she wants something that is evaded me since she came into my life sometime in September.  Sure she wants good things for me, but what about her I ask time to time deep inside myself.  Why, because I want her to be happy and know I care for her.

She is something else, she makes herself known I want to say emotions, touches here and there, imagery of thoughts and symbols, and guiding me to a better life in general.  These emotions are intense and sometimes settle.  What they are I  cant describe to well, but love and desire are two of them.  Even at times I quiver when she does this and I thank her by returning the same feelings, emotions.  Sometimes as I sit and meditate, or seek forgiveness for something I have done or my past beliefs.  She touches me on the shoulder or pats me on the leg or back.  Other times I will daze off and feel her run up and down the spine in public nonetheless.

She is full of energy, I wonder if she ever tires out.  She can be with me for a whole day and not leave my  side.  Although this fine by me she is someone I love more and more by the day.  Inside she is beautiful and full of happiness, whenever she is around she takes away my frustration and anger to replace it with a happiness and love for others.  I ask myself time to time why she came to me and only to be brought to the thought of you looked for me me silly with a giggle following by.

Either way I have been wanting to share this with you

Thanks for reading


A bit to share

Hello, things are well for me right now. I can breathe easy now nose is not running away from me with my voice anymore. : ) As soon as it cleared up “she” was happy because I had energy and probably needed to burn it off a bit.  What I had asked awhile back was what can I do to make you happy. She replied with something along the line of “treat yourself better and improve your health in general” so I have been slowly.  My body used to be somewhat fit, now I am just a thin man at 6’2″ underweight so its back to building some muscle watching what I eat and my habits.  The weight is coming up to about 150 ibs I like it to be 145 ibs myself ,but that means a lot more muscle then I can build right now.  So it has been walking around the neighborhood after dinner and starting some simple exercises.  The legs are pretty beat up so I do not want to run and hurt them more.  I should take up cycling again I loved it when I was younger. : )  With all that said, I hope things are good for you.  You the reader makes me want to share more and attempt to write my thoughts down.

The other night I had this dream and it comes back every now and then in my memory.  You see I do not write about my dreams as I wake up, time is short and it hurts to physically write with a pen, pencil.  The dream consisted of mom, dad and I in a house. It was raining outside for some reason, we had someone over a women seeing about my schooling credentials.  As it is my records are not well kept, in the dream it was worse.  I laugh now, but it may be true later on.  Either way I was digging for a transcript from the local college, she was patient and even helped, as did dad and mom. She was running short on time.  Then it gets foggy.  During the dream she was nice and very polite with me and the family.  Always being positive and happy.  There really is no end, because I awoke in the middle of the dream to the dog and dad getting up in the morning.

Either way I got about a month to study for a Microsoft Certificate that I am not ready for, Configuring Windows 8.  I have been digging around and found some resources so I will be busy for a good while with that.  That about all I have for now.  I just wanted to share a bit tonight.

Thanks for reading,


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