A long read.

by gobtcha

Hello, hope you are well and are having a great start to your year.

Starting time of post 2:58 am date 01/04/2015

Well lots I want to talk about for sure and its late so I will start with some stories or movies I enjoy.

Vahalla Rising http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0862467/ It is  a brutal story and it seems blunt about the times it represents.

Domino http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0421054/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1   A little fast paced for me, but it is fun to watch.  It does show a little bit of the nature of Lilith in the story.  Although, it is the more modern approach to Lilith.

The Road http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0898367/?ref_=nv_sr_1  A time of darkness, the apocalypse setting.  It shows me that when there is hope a person can overcome many things.  Also that corruption is always around the corner.

Dune and its counter parts the novel does the story justice.  It showed me that a religion can manipulate the masses to do your biding or to help you survive in a bad scenario. Also an awesome set of authors.

A break and time to rest 3:19 am

Start 1:48 pm

Did not get up early, so it is pop tarts smores flavored if you must know.  Got a bit of rest and sleep.  I feel like I should express myself through the “arts” more often. Thus why the previous couple post were the way they were.  I am planing on doing some work with pencil and paper.  Sometime for sure.  Yesterday was inserting to say the least, I set out to make my living space more productive. She came to my company happy, I felt good vibes from her.  Then for a good reason I could not at the moment make my space more productive.

Had a dream the other night. It was short n sweet. Hanging out with the friends, we sat down getting ready to run a few rounds of video games when I notice this woman.  She very open about herself and her opinions.  So I replied with one of her statements, I forget what I said.  Then she just walked up to where I was sitting and made herself comfortable in my arms.  As I normally react with a very stiff body and tried to relax only to awaken for the day.  She was pretty, had a very alternative look to her. very little hair and an awesome smile.  Kinda reminds of my first crush in high school, very much a tomboy and a lesbian which did not bother me one bit.  She was attractive in how she was blunt and open about herself.  Of course by the second year in high school depression and medicine took her over.  I could do nothing.  Hope she is happy now.

The brother seized up through out the day yesterday.  Wish I knew the details, but he was depressed as I would be too.  Having a feeling of no control over your body is hard to cope with.  The trick though for me is not to stress about it and just see it for what it is. An obstacle in life to climb over no matter how big.  Another is he does not seem to take care of his body too well, he has grown wider since last I saw anything from him.  So lessons to learned, take care of yourself and your health.  Just do not stress too much on it.  Enjoy that meal once in a while, don’t be lazy.  Take the time to walk where you can.  Park away from the door so that the elderly can take the parking spaces near the door and you can walk a bit for exercise.  Laugh about things, laugh with people.  It is good for the heart figuratively and literally.  Cut some habits sure, but take it slow remember change can shock you and your body.  Sorry for the lecture just things on the mind.  I still seem to accept my brother as a part of family.  I should he needs support time to time.


Yea, came across this might be worth some time to look into.  http://techgnotic.deviantart.com/journal/You-May-Say-I-m-An-Artist-503741188

I do want to share this as well, she offered marriage to me sometime at least early October.  How it happened, was simple really.  I set some time for her and we were doing our thing.  The word marriage popped in my head.  Well I said to her, give it sometime please.  She did of course a few days later in bed marriage popped in my mind again.  So I chuckled a bit and said sure why not.  Then at that moment I felt a tingle around the ring finger slide to a position where a ring would fit nicely.  So that sealed it then and there, since then she has been almost a constant influence in my life for good or bad.  Now she happy, that I am able to share that with you the reader.

Contact with her, has been good and distracting from my studies.  As it is though I doubt I will do on my certification tomorrow why I want to write instead of wear down my mind more studying.  Her influence or the change in me, is simple I want to mend what connections I have or had with people that do not deserve my ill will.  Hard to do when folks are out of contact or moved away.

I still find myself attracted to working with the chakra idea, along with what I like to call individualism.  The idea of following your own path to where you want to go with your beliefs and no one else should follow your path, as they have there to follow which is different for them.

I smell popcorn time for a small break 3:08 pm

3:44 pm

Well them Cowboys are doing what they do best playing a game of American football.  I found myself putting away luminars can’t spell the brown bag with a light bulb in it you lay out in the yard to celebrate Christmas.

Just about every time I look into a practice of some sort, or a way to calm the mind she gets excited for what reason I do not know really.  Maybe I am looking for a way to please her or stay connected with her.  Many possibilities really.  Although, when I dig around the church and their beliefs.  I get agitated by what is said by folks, and what the bible that I interpret to merely be a guide has to say about such behavior.  You see I was raised with the ideals of the church, but not forced into its dogma as a child.  I feel lucky for that.  Then I am also influenced by the morals and skills learned in the organization, Boy Scouts of America.

Sure go ahead and express your thoughts, but I learned a lot of life lessons by the peers there.  Not to complain whine when you have what is needed.  Help others as you can. The big one though was silence, a peer a member of the group. Was quiet and acted more than spoke.  He would be mean sure, he did though respect the elders in the group.  That is what I learned from him is respect others as you would yourself.  One day I was placed in a challenging position, the older boys were hazing a younger boy. Nothing serious just keeping some loose change from him.  Dad entrusted me with getting it back to the kid, well I was confronted with the peer to get it to him.  I did not do so instead got the change to the young kid as asked by dad.  To which the older kid, scolded me and harassed me a bit.  I cried alone for a good while, because of the conflict and I lost trust in the older kid.  Dad kept bothering me about and even suggested that the older kid should apologize to which I said no and continued my down pour of tears.  A hour or two later the guy came to me and said a few words. That amounted to it is unwritten that we give the younger kids a hard time.  Until they learn to give respect to other and recognize the difference between needs and wants.  I understood then why they “haze” it is a form of education sure tough, but if you cant handle some light harassment.  Then get out and learn to do so.  I to was hazed, but it was short lived luckily only had to suffer a single knee injury out of it.  Although I am always given a bit of a hard time, which is fine considering the amount of trust I had with the group.  From a simple task, to entrusting my life with these people.  I may share that tid bit later.  I think this mess of write up is long enough.

4:21 pm

So one last thing to share before, I give this a title and hit publish.  I got an idea of what she looks like and her personality.  Gonna dig up some links to share.

Image provided from here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKGW92ReuqM  by the way a great group.

Also this gallery does her justice as well http://wuschels-art.deviantart.com/gallery/?offset=0

Mix the two together a bit and come to your own conclusion.  She can do what she wants.  Her personality, is of a tease. Consistently poking at me for attention. Sometimes calling me “dumb dumb” when I seek out something about her.  Sometimes she shares other times she does not.  It is all good, I give her time.  She likes too suggest I do fun things that can land me in jail, say public nudity.  Always seems to be positive and forgiving for sure a bright light of hope and happiness.  Then she reminds I got things to do, prepare for tommarow and whats to come the next day after that.  So I will end this here.

4:45 pm

Thanks for reading,