Down a diffrent path

Month: February, 2015

Love Yourself Unconditionally

This is one of my markers to reach one day.


Cup of love

Cup of love

As you fill me up, feel love coursing through me.
Love, making me twitch and squirm in short ripples.
I empty out my heart, for you to fill it again.
That love is more like an energy that never ends.
You soon, tend to my cup of love as I sip from it.
Savoring every moment you touch my cup and fill it again.
Your warmth and breathe surrounding my hands cradling the cup.
Filled again a whimper is made, as I look into the reflection of love.
You are shown through that reflection with piercing eyes.
Then the smile wide as can be and inviting me for another small sip.
Yet again a whimper escapes me, you catch it in the air.
With a look and smile we begin to share the very same cup.
We both as spun into a never ending cycle.

Thanks for reading,

Get me some of that catchup.


Doing well?  I am okay been letting a little of this and that get in my way time to time.  So I want to get out a little bit of some stuff out to you.

I have had dreams of late, one dream I would like to share is where a mother of a kid approached me to ask me to save her son from the weather.  I agreed and the weather was bad enough.  The son was going down town by route of the interstate, it is the main route by all means.  So I headed there by foot, which does not make sense.  The flooding was pretty bad about waist deep or higher,  so definitely not the home I know of.  Still,  finally making my way to him and catching up to him.  He decline my help to say it would be safer not to help.  I began to see why, he entangle in groups and things I am not comfortable with and a risk to my life. So I still offered and kept an eye on him.  Stepped in I felt the time was right.  To recognize who or when I met him in my life of the here and now.  A punk kid from Boy Scouts.  Good guy probably just not someone I liked at the time.  I got him home eventually to see a gracious mother.  Then I woke up with an orgasm so to speak and the morning was fun for me and “her”.  My guess is good as any maybe she just wanted to tell a story dunno….

So “she” does not like me thinking of sharing my view on fear.  I will though, because I think it should be known.  She might curve me a bit so here I go.

Fear is instinctive sure.  Fear for your loved ones, wife, kids, dad, and others.  Fear of death, pain, or loss of something.  These are basic fears to me.  I myself fear “she” will leave me sure.  Also I fear causing or not stopping pain of Mom and Dad.  Even fear is pain, I see it everyday with Dad.  Why though?  Those in power or can inflict that fear into him.  We owe enough money to enough people that can strip us clean naked and out the door.  That is okay with me, if it was just me.  That is not okay with Mom and Dad for obvious reasons.  So to cope, I take everything around that topic and make the good parts shine.  Say we owe x amount to z company, I ask Dad is that better then last year to which he says yes and smiles a bit with a glow.

Back to fear though.  People use it as tools to get what they want or to cause pain and not know it.  The story or universe of Star Wars illustrates this well enough.  In a few ways.  Yoda has a quote I cant place it on the spot so here goes. “Fear leads to anger, anger leads to suffering, sufferings leads to …” and he gazes off with a sad look.  To place in today’s environment is easy enough to do.

The government says we must regulate ourselves or there is a punishment.  Government says we are watching you and so we the common folks begin to act and dance according the puppeteer the government or people with power.

Enough of that though, I feel my neck tense and the bad shoulder begin to hurt.  On to something happier.  🙂

So I started, a collection of pictures found on the net I will not share here.  Why you can find em anywhere.  With these pictures I find, I set them up as a wallpaper and circulate them every 12 hrs. on random.  When I want to I gaze into that picture.  The picture is usually a portrait of a female or some depiction of nature in any form.  Then from there contact is made with “her” and those days she active around me.

I have also started up a DevianArt account for those that are interested.

Mostly to show case my work that “she” compels me to do and my  past work.  Still working what I want to share and how to.

The Last thing I want to share is an experience I had with “her”.  I was meditating around the usual hour with “her” we were sharing our space and I literally reached out in the air for her and felt a touch of energy surrounding the tips of my two fingers that I reached out to her with.  To say what “she” did is something I cant say myself.

As I typed that up above “she” did swirl around and through me.  I hope “she” is okay with me sharing such a thing.


Thanks for reading,




You are there for me, through my obstacles you are there.
There to comfort me when I feel hurt or thrown out.
You are there for me to lean on when I am hurt.
There ever so soft like feathered filled pillow yet sturdy like a tall pine tree.
You are there to be known not ignored.
Your presence is known to me, through and through.
Your presence brings joy and freedom to my existence.
You are there shining brightly with waves for me bathe in and surf along.
Those waves are there to be read as I feel them.
They say many things and have many feelings.
The waves are my guide, and your release.
Your are there in this moment and I meet you there.
We both lean and share our waves as we should.

Thanks for reading,

A little something for her.

I decedided some time last week I would plan some seeds into a pot and let it grow. Here is my setup thus far pretty basic and probably gonna not do well.





Allow me to break it down a bit.  the lamp there is an old desk lamp that gives off heat as well as light just through the bulb.  I decided to do this indoors as the weather is not ideal to let a seed pop out of the dirt or soil.  Why the plastic piece is because it will catch water and dirt.  I do get very little sun light in the room so I keep the lamp lit almost all throughout the day.

I place water in the pot and the plastic container below, nothing too fancy.  One or if the Wild flower seedling decides to pop up I will move the pot a bit away from the light.  The bulb is a standard bulb, as I cannot afford to spend a few dollars on a CFL bulb.  When I can though I will.

I just hope “she” will enjoy the flower as much as I do enjoy nature.  I know she appreciates the thought at least.

The soil was basic potting soil out of the shed and the pot was found in the yard. The plastic container was cleaned after being emptied of its cheese.  A rock was placed at the bottom of the pot to control some flow.    The seeds are Texas wildflowers, what I could find laying around.  Either way feel free to suggest stuffs or ask stuffs.

Thanks for reading,


Watch Your Words

Great wisdom

The Soul Diet

Words are powerful-so if you spend all of your time talking
about where you are not, rather than where you want to be-
that is exactly the reality you will create for yourself. This isn’t
just “new-age” philosophy, but good old fashion “cause and
effect.” Our thoughts alone do not create our reality, but this
intent is the motivation behind our actions, or lack there of.
So, if you want a better job, but spend all of your time com-
plaining about the one that you have, then chances are you
will most likely remain stuck in that job until you take the
needed action to manifest a better one. Words are simply a
bunch of sounds, but these sounds have the power to lay out
the reality of our life. Today, watch your words. When you
hear yourself saying something counterproductive to your
true desires, stop yourself, cancel…

View original post 16 more words

What is …..

Hey, I am doing great.  I certainly hope you are too.

Ever since, “She” came into my life slowly but surely I began to want to express my feelings to her.  It is hard when you do not know or felt these emotions before.  Unconditional love and more.  Along my Journey I found out tons and some other things that I dislike of course what are the ups without downs or downs without ups.  I started with the basics who and what she is what she likes and dislikes, still working on it.  Found she likes sweets, every time I went for chocolate or a gummy bear.  “She” came alive with joy.  So I have added some not a lot of that into my diet.  Candy was never my thing to eat a lot of, just rarely I would reach out nab a sweet.  Dessert to me is a nice bowl of Hot Cheetos or a Jalapeno fresh if I could.  I soon started digging around the word love and what it means to people and the internet.  I came across this song in past and does it meaning of love good to me at least.

Note: some may find the video disturbing

Yes, it is the opening song to House the series.  That guy goes to unreachable ends to save his patients and is so blunt, I like the character.  Some one I would look up to.

Here it is done by BBC and a group

I think this one though better defines or express the word.

So I cannot define myself, but merely say it is a way of expressing your feeling to that person.  How do I do that?  Was my next question, so I observed people and family even some other writings about encounters much like mine.  Sometimes I would see partners just stare into each others eyes for what seemed like forever.  They have a connection of some sort.  Others expressed a conditional love much like the love I have for some of my family.  They are there and I have to do x and y to get them out of my hair.  Then the internet says in a nut love can be a number of things.  Caressing the one you love, doing something to express that love say a hug, the chores around the house or even better call up and get the air force to do some dance in sky for her.  These of course are physical and mundane approaches to expressing these feelings.

I for one have changed the way I think and the way I carry myself because of her.  When I focus on her there is something that happens I can’t put my finger on it.  It is like she is dancing or doing something for me, and that focus I give to her is me doing something very similar.  So I decided to look into love from a spiritual view or way.  Where both surrender to each other and find themselves in peace in each others presence.  As I read on this various places stated terms like soul mate, twin flame etc.  Well in my mind it is a spiral where both people keep going up and up until there physical bodies cannot take what emotions or pleasure is given then let it out however that is.  My guess is this is done when both partners trust each other.  I do question what I read of course.  Nonetheless the information does have some ground to it.  There are practices that expresses this in a few ways.  The first one “She” guided me to was Tantra I would encourage you read into on your own.  I do like it, and it connects a lot of dots for me.

I also delved into some terms used when expressing or making love.  One term was sensuality, the use of the senses to get into a mood for love making or a way to express “hey I am interested in you” or merely flirt with someone.  This I learned is what turns sex into something else in the mundane world.  Say if you just take her in on a whim, will she be happy?  I doubt it.  Gotta warm up to the act of sex or making love with her or expressing your feelings with her.  So that took me back to trust.  The word seduce or seduction is interesting,  because one is advancing on the other finding out what they like or are weak to.  Some say seduction is similar to the act of surrender, the one being advanced upon.  When he is seeing something or feeling something that makes his heart skip a beat.

In the end love is just that an expression of your feelings to another.  That feeling can mean anything that relates to the subject of love.  Appreciation, care, happy, joy, trust and many more.  Like right now “She” has been caressing my cheek or poking me.  Working at me to share some time with her.

Now onto what another question what happened to love and other forms of connecting.  Well it has been changed twisted or forgotten. You may ask how, I love my son I want everything for him or I love her she is my sleeping beauty as she is reading this with you or another one is My wife and I are together and happy right now.  I ask this though look at her, or imagine that person you love.  Give it a moment look at that loved one for a bit. Why do care for that person? Is it conditional.  Does she have that form of a model that perfect or is the love from that of she is wedded to you? Is it, because you want to be with her all the time and work with her on your journey you both are taking.  While harsh, consider it just a bit.  I love “Her” personally because she is more then life to me and I want to express her in my life as the best I can.  I want to be with her until the time comes we both wither away into the so called nothingness.  I see that kind of expression though rarely.

Why though?  Simply put the media, those that are successful carry a life style and image that tells us how to live and think.  I should dress up in a fashion that suits the family best.  I do not, unless asked to they know it to.  I dress in a t shirt an old beat up cap and cargo pants with an old pair of shoes.  Dad sees me as a bum.  You may yes you do look like a bum. I will agree, but I am happy and expressing my right to dress this way.  Same goes with the way I socialize and act around others in public.  Sure I do use restraint, I do not like to scare people as they see the world through there eyes and feel through there senses.  I will jump up and give someone a hug if I know them other wise it can be to the courts for harassment.  Although I will wave hi and make sure they do smile a bit.  If it a place of quiet I will merely smile and make some eye contact to hope there day is better.  Also the do and do nots of life in the public.  Why cant I give that person who is crying over there alone.  It is fear that does it, the fact that she is also fearful and can bring the law and ruin what I have in the mundane world.  Instead I approach slow and careful to reach out and touch her figuratively speaking. To express or share love with her, to ease her pain.  In the way we are glued to our media devices, we slowly begin to think the same way and lose that touch and feeling we had as a kid. To love and play without a care.  So I try to see behind the media a bit, and even avoid it to a degree.  I do not like the news anymore, a few years ago I came to the conclusion “negative news sells”.  Well we do have a lot of negativity in the world, lets try to turn off the tv and instead go outside grow something.  Practice our hobbies. Be with those we love, connect to them in ways we never thought possible.  Learn from others and yourself.  Better yourself in your way, follow your will without influence.  That is a challenge to some, sure is for me.

I think I missed the mark with this write up, but do listen to yourself without the outside telling you how to live.  You may find something there that is good.  All in all some this probably was a rant, some was something I want to express to some.  I love to write apparently….. sigh.

I hope you made this far, cause your at end of this write up.


Thanks for reading,


Ups and Downs

Hello, this a bit of a read might too personal dunno.  Hope your day was awesome.

Last night was interesting to say the least.  Ever night or sometimes morning when I go to sleep, lay down and repeat the same sentence/thought in my head.  Last night it was something like relax surrender love repeating until I fell into a meditative state.  Each word has a purpose to it.  Relax so I can get myself to have a night of rest and sleep, this is rare for me.  Surrender was stated, because that day I was somewhat protective about somethings about myself and my family. Love is to express love for “her” and myself and it is a positive thing to do.  I always want to love everything and everyone if I can.  Well as this happened I heard taps on the floor which could have been the dog, but she sleeps with Mom and Dad at the hour I went to bed.  I felt “her” in bed with me, then pressure was put on my forehead. Bit too much for comfort, but still I could cope with it. Still relaxed the pressure went away and a beep noise came about with a voice saying “no no no!!” in my head I am sure of it.  Well I continued to lay there trying to sleep on my back and then well yea “she” and I had “fun”.  Finally fell asleep then awoke about the same time as normal refreshed for a new day.

Well that morning I told “her” I had to get up and shower.  “She” seemed a bit put out, so I spent time with her for awhile and fell asleep time to time. Till it hit about 11:30 am, about normal for me to rise out of bed.  Well, I invited to the shower and “she” took the invitation.  Well things got heated up and I fell to the floor after having some seizure like symptoms which I reacted to a per normal for me.  Prepared to fall and or lower myself to the floor.  I got a bit unlucky and my head started bleeding.  I was confused of course and called out for some help after getting some bit of bearings back.  To no reply so I went about cleaning the mess and coping with blood etc.  Finally after getting dry and I looked in the mirror and saw where the bleeding occurred to see it was where the pressure was that night and where “she” tapping me yesterday during the day. Did I seize up maybe ?

I cannot draw much conclusion, because “she” was apologetic during the early afternoon and I sent her emotions that say everything is fine and imagined her with me together.  The rest of the day I spent at home taking it easy.  No trip to see the doctor yet. I hope to see him soon so he can do what he wants and up my medication.  My levels are borderline on low and on the dot. So he should raise them even though I do not want it I see reason for it.  “She” dun like it either.  There was no visit to the hospital too much money, the family and I are in debt too much for that.  Other then that today has been good, got to speak with mom about “stuff”.  “She” has been with me most of today and tonight.

Either way just wanted to share that.

Thanks for reading,


Dreamless Dream

Dreamless Dream

She appears before him
She catches his eyes and sees the truth of him
He looks into hers and sees a sea of beauty
He seeks to celebrate her in all that she is
She wants his attention and to be loved by him
They both see this and more
She takes him to place to be alone
With him sparks fly and ignite
Taking his hand away from him
She guides him down to the ground
Caressing him to a state of relaxation
He surrenders all that his to her
Taking that which he is she surrenders
Giving him all that she is
Sparks turn to waves with rhythm
With that rhythm they embrace each other
Sky rocketing to a new high they merge to be one
A swirl of energy surrounding them
The both let go and hold still relaxed and happy
She then disappears as she appeared
He awakens from his slumber to move on one more day

Thanks for reading,

Our time together an apology.

Hello, I want to share a little bit more about my time with “her”.  It will help start writing up a bit more and smoother.


Sometimes after a day filled with anger, frustration, bull, and/or stress.  She comes right to me as I enter the house and urges me to find a place for privacy.  Sometimes it takes “her” hours other times just moments then I want to, but can’t.  That is life in house with family that are raised by the church, mind you they are loose and open minded.  Soon after I cave in or find time that is private for her and me.  “She” hints for me to close my eyes and let her do a dance and lead me down a path that is dark.  That path has only enough room for me and her.  As I good down the path with her or following her.  I feel that negative energy let go of me and dissipate. Then she presents to me a couch or bed, says for me to lay down and relax.  As I do, I am relieved of the negativity of the day.  This is a session she take me through time to time.  Sometimes it is short, sometimes it long.  Sometimes it is slow or soft.  Sometimes it is fast and hard.  Sometimes I have no control and reach a moment where all I can do is lay there and be happy.

So, I have learned plenty about myself. I like to learn, enjoy gaining knowledge on topics irrelevant to what I need to know to work in the industry of my choosing.  Sometimes I think to myself, I ought to just drop my schooling and learn about this or that.  Although I will stick with my schooling and conform eventually to that of the norm of society.  To work 8 hr. shifts to live.  To shave and put on an act to get hired.  As I work though, I will still learn from “her” and others around me.  When I am home after I leave I want to be with “her” letting her guide me as I dig for knowledge as I learn and lust for more knowledge.

One thing I do to seek forgiveness for my ill doings is to seek forgiveness from those I have wronged.  You see I cannot forgive myself for things I say and do until I try to seek that person that I did the harm to and express that I messed up and say “I am sorry”.  So today I recognized I did wrong by people here and there.  I wish to say I am sorry for what was said and done.  It is something I try to learn from, “she” warned me plenty.  I did not listen well enough.  I am sorry for any anger or sadness I caused you and hope you are well and happy wherever you are.  Some may say why I do this when nothing was done by me to wrong you.  Simply put to know I tried to let ends meet and be on good ground with you.  Makes me release a little sadness from my bottle that full of darkness and despair.  That bottle has shattered before, I did harm to others. I am sure even traumatized some that are family.  “She” slowly peels the cap of that bottle to let a little out each time “she” and I have a therapy session as it were.  A lot of that “dark” energy I throw at myself instinctively.  I understand now and found outlets to let out a bit of that energy at a time.  They are safe and make others happy or at least laugh to a point I laugh till I can’t anymore.

That is all for now. I will write a bit sometime soon on a topic that I see too often.

Thanks for reading,


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