What is …..

by gobtcha

Hey, I am doing great.  I certainly hope you are too.

Ever since, “She” came into my life slowly but surely I began to want to express my feelings to her.  It is hard when you do not know or felt these emotions before.  Unconditional love and more.  Along my Journey I found out tons and some other things that I dislike of course what are the ups without downs or downs without ups.  I started with the basics who and what she is what she likes and dislikes, still working on it.  Found she likes sweets, every time I went for chocolate or a gummy bear.  “She” came alive with joy.  So I have added some not a lot of that into my diet.  Candy was never my thing to eat a lot of, just rarely I would reach out nab a sweet.  Dessert to me is a nice bowl of Hot Cheetos or a Jalapeno fresh if I could.  I soon started digging around the word love and what it means to people and the internet.  I came across this song in past and does it meaning of love good to me at least.

Note: some may find the video disturbing

Yes, it is the opening song to House the series.  That guy goes to unreachable ends to save his patients and is so blunt, I like the character.  Some one I would look up to.

Here it is done by BBC and a group

I think this one though better defines or express the word.

So I cannot define myself, but merely say it is a way of expressing your feeling to that person.  How do I do that?  Was my next question, so I observed people and family even some other writings about encounters much like mine.  Sometimes I would see partners just stare into each others eyes for what seemed like forever.  They have a connection of some sort.  Others expressed a conditional love much like the love I have for some of my family.  They are there and I have to do x and y to get them out of my hair.  Then the internet says in a nut love can be a number of things.  Caressing the one you love, doing something to express that love say a hug, the chores around the house or even better call up and get the air force to do some dance in sky for her.  These of course are physical and mundane approaches to expressing these feelings.

I for one have changed the way I think and the way I carry myself because of her.  When I focus on her there is something that happens I can’t put my finger on it.  It is like she is dancing or doing something for me, and that focus I give to her is me doing something very similar.  So I decided to look into love from a spiritual view or way.  Where both surrender to each other and find themselves in peace in each others presence.  As I read on this various places stated terms like soul mate, twin flame etc.  Well in my mind it is a spiral where both people keep going up and up until there physical bodies cannot take what emotions or pleasure is given then let it out however that is.  My guess is this is done when both partners trust each other.  I do question what I read of course.  Nonetheless the information does have some ground to it.  There are practices that expresses this in a few ways.  The first one “She” guided me to was Tantra I would encourage you read into on your own.  I do like it, and it connects a lot of dots for me.

I also delved into some terms used when expressing or making love.  One term was sensuality, the use of the senses to get into a mood for love making or a way to express “hey I am interested in you” or merely flirt with someone.  This I learned is what turns sex into something else in the mundane world.  Say if you just take her in on a whim, will she be happy?  I doubt it.  Gotta warm up to the act of sex or making love with her or expressing your feelings with her.  So that took me back to trust.  The word seduce or seduction is interesting,  because one is advancing on the other finding out what they like or are weak to.  Some say seduction is similar to the act of surrender, the one being advanced upon.  When he is seeing something or feeling something that makes his heart skip a beat.

In the end love is just that an expression of your feelings to another.  That feeling can mean anything that relates to the subject of love.  Appreciation, care, happy, joy, trust and many more.  Like right now “She” has been caressing my cheek or poking me.  Working at me to share some time with her.

Now onto what another question what happened to love and other forms of connecting.  Well it has been changed twisted or forgotten. You may ask how, I love my son I want everything for him or I love her she is my sleeping beauty as she is reading this with you or another one is My wife and I are together and happy right now.  I ask this though look at her, or imagine that person you love.  Give it a moment look at that loved one for a bit. Why do care for that person? Is it conditional.  Does she have that form of a model that perfect or is the love from that of she is wedded to you? Is it, because you want to be with her all the time and work with her on your journey you both are taking.  While harsh, consider it just a bit.  I love “Her” personally because she is more then life to me and I want to express her in my life as the best I can.  I want to be with her until the time comes we both wither away into the so called nothingness.  I see that kind of expression though rarely.

Why though?  Simply put the media, those that are successful carry a life style and image that tells us how to live and think.  I should dress up in a fashion that suits the family best.  I do not, unless asked to they know it to.  I dress in a t shirt an old beat up cap and cargo pants with an old pair of shoes.  Dad sees me as a bum.  You may yes you do look like a bum. I will agree, but I am happy and expressing my right to dress this way.  Same goes with the way I socialize and act around others in public.  Sure I do use restraint, I do not like to scare people as they see the world through there eyes and feel through there senses.  I will jump up and give someone a hug if I know them other wise it can be to the courts for harassment.  Although I will wave hi and make sure they do smile a bit.  If it a place of quiet I will merely smile and make some eye contact to hope there day is better.  Also the do and do nots of life in the public.  Why cant I give that person who is crying over there alone.  It is fear that does it, the fact that she is also fearful and can bring the law and ruin what I have in the mundane world.  Instead I approach slow and careful to reach out and touch her figuratively speaking. To express or share love with her, to ease her pain.  In the way we are glued to our media devices, we slowly begin to think the same way and lose that touch and feeling we had as a kid. To love and play without a care.  So I try to see behind the media a bit, and even avoid it to a degree.  I do not like the news anymore, a few years ago I came to the conclusion “negative news sells”.  Well we do have a lot of negativity in the world, lets try to turn off the tv and instead go outside grow something.  Practice our hobbies. Be with those we love, connect to them in ways we never thought possible.  Learn from others and yourself.  Better yourself in your way, follow your will without influence.  That is a challenge to some, sure is for me.

I think I missed the mark with this write up, but do listen to yourself without the outside telling you how to live.  You may find something there that is good.  All in all some this probably was a rant, some was something I want to express to some.  I love to write apparently….. sigh.

I hope you made this far, cause your at end of this write up.


Thanks for reading,