My belief

by gobtcha

Hello, I hope things are well for you.

Last week on Friday while hanging out with friends, I asked a simple yet complicated question and varied results of sorts.  Is it wrong that I hurt or killed the cockroach in the house I came across.  To be fair I just flushed down the toilet as always, but still the cockroach suffered and is a living being itself.  The overall answer I got was no, but the reasons varied.  1. It is no welcomed correct? It is not.  So KILL it. (caps to reinforce his tone).  Another was a breakdown of how the cockroach thinks in a slur of words and incoherent phrases which amounted to,  I deserves to die, because it is malicious.  So I thought it out and replied but it does have a soul and a spirit, why  snuff that out?  Which the person who brought up reason 1. said “it invaded your territory” so true the cockroach did not ask permission to enter and I had the ability to remove it as I did and was right to do so the way I did, still felt guilty that time.  It is life of the cockroach and us as humans.  Sure there other reasons and beliefs, but I am merely relearning.

As a friend soon stated I am reprogramming myself.  Which is very true and hard to come to terms with what I experience now as  someone very different, but a better person.  More decisive yes, yet more passive and let live and not kill kind of person.  More love and not hate (as much as I don’t like the word).  I like to talk to this peer about what I am rethinking and rediscovering as he is the most tolerant and patient person out of my social circle which we all have our traumas and dark past histories.  As to this is why I do not out right share who I met which is “her” to him or the fact that I am looking elsewhere, (occult or darker corners of places)  because he himself keeps his past and own beliefs to himself so all I can do is let out a little a time until he sees I am looking elsewhere.  Thus far he has connected it all to the Tibet monks which is true enough, but I am looking at much more and sadly in a broad view.  He enjoys our talks about “things” and “stuff”.

As I rediscover myself and moral and ethics, I find myself in a state of grey neutral.  Consider the yin-yang effect. White chases black as black chases white like a dog chasing its own tale.  As a child I had a yo-yo it had the yin-yang on its sides only difference really was the colors used but the same effect takes place.  So Imagine the yin-yang symbol then spin in a circle real fast.  I began to a grey area.  What do you get when you shade or mix the colors white and black? I get grey according the color scale.  Grey can mean a lot of things sure, but to me it means neutral. The point between light and dark.  The foggy mist that is seen between to armies about to clash, as white is about to clash into black to make grey.  After that clash or battle what is left? I see grey.  So while the world around me goes around saying there is right and wrong, I disagree.  There is only what you the individual believes in for you and for you alone.  Everything is merely a shade of grey. Not white nor black.  Number one thing is though to let others do what they wish as long as I do what I wish.  Sure we have laws to follow as we do not own territory or land in a sense.  I myself live in the U.S.A. so I adhere and respect the laws of the land I live in, some may sign up with the military to defend this land that is fine.  Be proud just do not waste my time and let me do my job as a person living here.  With goes the same with those that choose to follow a system of belief, which I am slowly learning more about.

Personally the Church that believes in God has a right to worship god just do not shove it down my throat and make a scene about your beliefs.  Others believe other things out there, like me I am very  lost and choose to not believe in what the church does, because of what the church as a whole does and has done.  Its various stance on various “thing” and what various people of the church including my brother have or had to say.

For this though I will apologize to you the reader if you have any negative response from my writing today.

Thanks for reading,