Tired busy distracted
Well I understand it has been awhile. So I hope you are well and are very happy.
I’ll to bed in about 2 hrs or so. I have a EEG in the morning gotta be there tired. Just a follow up from the doctor nothing big, just expensive.
“She” a spirit guide lover and probably guardian of sorts. Was either distant in the past few weeks or I just could not connect to her. So I asked for a bit of advice and tried it and the connection was clear again for a bit then it faded. I found the cause, now I should treat it. The advice was rather simple a bath to relax my body and clean it along with working with quartz.
The cause though is a bit hard to solve. It is the toxicity of what people and the environment throws at us. As I stated before my brother and I have different opinions and are different people. I found out the hard way that he is aggressive verbally towards his own family and not knowing hurts them. How this happened was with a simple phone call. I called him up to say hi and see how he was, well we discussed his life and my tongue slipped. I said something along the lines of “So because the guy is a Mormon you wont accept him into your life?” His reply was that of “He does not accept Jesus into his heart” again something like that. So I told him I am looking elsewhere for guidance. Then he was aggressive and considered me hypocrite, which maybe true enough but I will admit it. I tried to share what I have learned only to be cut off before I started. It was then I knew I will have a tough time with him. He did though admit he chose his path to follow the church effectively blindly to hold his marriage in place. Which I understand do his family dynamics. So he finally let me go, because he was busy and I stood my ground for who I am.
The next day still grinding my teeth about the conversation, I took a hard fall and managed to hurt myself a bit. I am fine now but it took a bit to recover from the swelling and a bruised ear is never fun. I asked Dad as he knew I am taking a different path so to speak. Why the brother was the way he is, his reply was it is the brothers choice. Dad accepts both of our choices as we are adults and more importantly family. Mom replied with the same and reinforces it. So do we live by our choices we make in life? This I am sure of.
As I follow this path the “she” guides me down, which is great and filled with obstacles. I learned something else, may or may not be true. “There is no truth only the truth you have for yourself.” Something I connected dots with through some basic ideas spread upon us on this world. Take a system of belief or deity. How you connect to it and feel good by it. Compare to it to another system of belief and how others may feel the same. Then try to narrow it down to the individual person. The bible says somewhere that god is in our heart or ourselves as well. Which conveys to me the truth is what you make of what you believe in, not a church or community. The community or church may share similarities and support you if you need it. With that in mind I will lead my life the way I want to and believe it is meant to be lead. We as people as whole somewhere began to separate these things and lose something in the mist of conflicts over interest and who is right and wrong or so I like to think.
Then there is school, just finished a two week course of psychology focused on behavior as we have the course for two weeks not much time to do much. Looks like I will be finishing up and heading out to do internship work. A few companies have me listed done enough interviews to last me awhile, but I may get to do another this afternoon on a few hours of sleep. Sound like fun to me although it has been great practice for me to interact and be under a judge so to speak.
Well some people seem curious about “her”. Yes “she” has a name that I am sure of I wish not share it with people even if it is fine with”her”. Why, because there are people that may consider harming her and me. I may not believe that and that is a part of the magic or magick is the belief of it. So recently “she” and I have connected again after my accident and the brothers aggressive behavior. Well as suspected “she” is very affectionate and active, but on her terms. There are times when there is a thought that seems as if a young girl would say it or someone that is care free and relaxed. That is rarely seen in me by others unless I am laughing hard and at ease around the company of my peers. Kind of right now, “she” may want me drinking water instead of soda, but I gotta stay up for an hour more at least. So with that I may get a thought “drink more water, silly” emphasize on silly. Because when that word pops up in my mind there is a smiling female looking down at me to which I smile.
Always on me about my laziness which is true I need to improve my habits. The moment though I do make a slight improvement “she” gives me attention sometimes a little sometime a lot. Today was a little, I think because I got up in the morning and took time to be outside to relax in the backyard while it was cool. I find gazing at a picture sometimes she will wash over my shoulders and relax them along with my neck. “She” can do great things for me and most importantly though pushed me into a direction and helped me walk just a little then I sorta took a look around and my mind was opened and began to think for myself more then ever.
Either way I am drifting, so I will stop there for now.
Thanks for reading,