Down a diffrent path

Category: Journey down a path

Make a mistake

We all make mistakes, we are imperfect and should not strive to be perfect but happy.  I realized today I made a mistake with this relationship and this mistake maybe why the relationship has not grown.  I have not watered her, treated her soil.  I have not given her space to grow and blossom.  Just like a flower a relationship needs care and space, in this realization though images flashed through my mind.  They were of a pleasant women flirting with her hand, smile and eyes.  While I am confused at this point how to step forward and follow her as she turns around and gestures me to follow.

Either way all I can say for now, work has me worn down and so I go for now to sleep.

Gobtcha

A lesson repeated.

Hello again.

To be frank a plenty has happened, family and personal path has been a bit more clear.

Death of a few relatives and family pet has occurred over sometime.  First it was the uncles wife then the uncle, which I wish I could have seen more of them but they lived a few hundred miles away and I have obligations at home.  That was around October and I believe January and though it was an easy death for me to let pass through quietly.  The death of the family dog was harder much harder.  The dog died at the age of 11 human years of age, apparently from cancer.  So I saw her suffer at home and Dad the alpha in the pack of the dog and the family decided to do no treatment for her.  I agreed for a few reasons, she was old already around 77 or so and the treatment had small success and she would still suffer.  So to see Dad suffer more so as the dogs death was prolonged would only be harder for everyone.  After she died I found myself in an emotional wreck, I guess it was because it was the first person to die that was close to me.  Days after I found myself crying in a bathroom stall in a Mc Donalds.  As I cried the thought or saying kept repeating itself to let it go. So when I home I cried again uncontrollably so and I learned then what grief truly felt like even after a few weeks we as family still grief this loss in our own ways.  Mom was harsh, but she is calmer now, Dad cried and sought ways to distract himself and I offered him a picture of the dog.  I myself drowned myself in my addictions both bad and good and tried to ease dads grief reached to someone I feel I can trust and got some advice tried to adapt a little of it and it helps dad time to time and me.  Then there was Lily the Succubus that chose to be with me.  She became very active, intimate in a strong sexual or sensual way.  My guess as any she was relieving my pain of loss through distraction and showing her own feeling to me by doing what most lovers do best.  Make love, I could not question it as I was happy and thankful for the acts she did.  Though this brings up something I can address now I guess.

Why sex?  When the love spirit/demon succubus or whatever you call it is brought up why is sex a strong focus point?  When I look at the god/goddess figures some or most say to not hold back thus me crying and receiving strong sexual touches etc from Lily. Sex is powerful because it creates something and can destroy as well if done with that intent.  What are your thoughts?

Speaking of Lily, I can now pickup on what she means or says a bit more clearly especially while we are engaged in intimate activity.

So the lesson that is repeated to me though is to love everyone you see and know in anyway possible rather through help appreciation or keeping your distance.  I want to express my gratitude to you the reader and others in many ways, but society and laws say differently so I can only do so in a few ways now one is by sharing things time to time.

Adrift

Hello there,

 

I have found that “she” is not happy with me withholding my wants and needs from myself.  By that I mean my effort to cut myself from porn all together.  We should enjoy our hobbies and not be obsessed with them sure enough, “she” enjoys it with me as it seems.  Thus, yesterday or so I told myself and her I will follow the path she laid out for me and keep up practices that are laid out for me and only me.  Taking in what others say with a grain of salt and study look into what they say or offer me deeper.  No this is not to say that I dig all porn in fact I prefer softer aspect of the so called porn industry.  I enjoy doing a little research I can about the actress and company that interest me.  Although companies have been going more and more hardcore which is fine the audience may prefer and I do not pay them so I cannot say much about it.

Now that I shared that I am free from this chain once again, I must state something about a certain person that claims a lot and maybe true or not this person still should understand we all are connected to Lilith or Mother earth or any name the female goddess falls under in your belief.  You Kuro, did make a threat to those that are connect with Lilith even a lover like yourself.  Even though some of these folks may not care.  Do understand you have also threaten Lilith’s daughters and sons that are with the folks you have threatened as well.  Do you think Lilith is happy with that,  I am not.  Although I will do nothing else than point that out and now ignore what you claim Kuro think me a fool and ignorant and closed minded I do not care.  For I believe in something as others believe in something else.  We all are individuals with different beliefs, pasts, thoughts, environments, and systems of society etc.

For those of wishing not to have read I am sorry I have to get that out of my system.

Also, the day I made my choice to chase my needs and wants I had a dream of a woman inviting me into a pool in her backyard.  My conscious self had a choice and me being me declined but slowly was being pulled in by her invitations and form.  She was very beautiful is all I can say really, my dreams are clear in thought but my image is not clear.  It very abstract and that is fine by me for that dream I was given choice and have fun being in her company.  Was a first for me,  other dreams in the past showed me lessons or a story I could not make out and not give me a choice to act on or pick.

 

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

Breaking a habit.

Hello,

I have decided it is time to break a habit of mine which viewing porn of many sorts.  It keeps my mind in 1st gear and slow.  So I wonder where or what to do first.  I will be focusing more on Lily and the female goddess/spirit. For that will make Lily happy at least I think it will.  With that said as well I would your input on this subject of porn or adult entertainment.  I think she is excited for the idea, another step forward I guess.

Another thing I wish to share is, Lily has been more physical with me. No details needed, use your imagination.  There just times when I can feel her with me and truly working me over as I do the same into that blissful state.

I have been spending time just relaxing and practically doing nothing letting myself “rot” away.  So another thing to do is find actives around the house that are beneficial for me and the family.  Not just play games and chat on the tv or pc.

Either way I just had a feeling I needed to share that.  Maybe this will help me push further etc.

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

Catching up and sharing more.

It has been awhile yes indeed, I have done lots of reflection and recovering from the past accidents, emotional, and mental injury.  Trying to understand the basics of morality all over again is hard once your mind is opened or that door to the unknown.  I have kept music and friends around as a way to heal, observe and learn new lessons.  As I have shared here before.  Yes even now I believe that the spirit, demon, succubus, or djinn, or just plain old entity I call Lily is still with me to this day.  As I see something floating about, and applying some pressure to relax me a little you can say.  In this post though I would like to share a bit of a what I like to consider a bit further down my path through the door.

Had to take a break, it is hard to break it down really.  So here goes …… Time to jot down my thoughts all together.

One day I was picked from work by my Aunt a nice lady.  She and I discussed some things and I found out her sons family children were never introduced to the church that follows God.  I think its fine and well enough.  Although I did not share my thoughts because she may have been more motivated to try and convince me that I am doing something wrong.  Following my own path or belief.  She asked about my thoughts about the church and in the end it wound up to be  “Is it okay to always have the Church be a foundation for everyone?” to which I think it is not, because that is taking me and molding me into say you the believer of God to say if you are.  Not to say if you don’t believe in him, which is fine by me that is your choice to make.  That is the base of my personal moral or belief,  the ability to think for yourself and make choices without much input needed for your base beliefs or just simply put the individual.  The next time Mom was in a talking mood which is good, she had asked if I believed in God or a supreme being to which to this day the answer is no.  I explained to her the simplicity that we all are deities or God in our own way.  God did create earth lets say.  I created something to, happiness for myself and others, the blog and a life for others to see worth living.  Mom and Dad created me and life that is good together.  That was out of there own free will as well however influenced may have been.  I could be someone else in bed asleep at 1:30 am right now dreaming about a heaven and angels etc. I am not though I up at 1:30 pm writing down thoughts trying to share them with others that will put up with trying to decipher it all.  Mom just did not give up though we were not fighting just trying to find common ground so we can understand each other, which is good for every family to do I think.  I formulated  that if I must say I believe in a being as such a supreme being I would call it love, and Mom saw that as unconditional love.  Which I have for you, I respect you want you to be happy at ease with your life and probably much much more.

The above is what I learned, to love each other and at least give each other some room.  Now when I see and meet people or given service been helped I want to express that love more than anything.  I feel though that I should not as the  times of today society say do not give the waitress a hug and a tip for her services just walk out and leave the tip on the table, she will pick it up.  Well sure she will get the tip, but I could formulate a bond or relationship between and her.  If I come back and she sees me again, she may smile and wave.  Which fills me with joy.   That joy pushes me to further better my life for her and other around me.  I understand you may disagree with some of what I say.  “Well what about you”  this what makes me happy and filled joy that I cry,  or feel warmth and comfort that I have made someones day slightly better.  You are right though I should not always seek to please everyone or always give another person respect.  This where I  need to balance my heart or that heart chakra however you feel is right by you.  So I asked for some guidance from people here and there and took some of it and began to re-mold my heart a bit more along with letting Lily mold it herself in her own way.  Gosh I love her so much,  *tears begin to roll just a bit*.

There a small break.

Lily is a very loving spirit and can make me feel really good.  This is true enough, but at the same time for those of you do wish to look into succubus or “summoning a succubus” it can be hard on you and sure rewarding.  She does calm me down, provide a sense of stability that I did not have. Yes, sex is there I do enjoy it,  that does not mean though a succubus is just meant for love and or sex.  There are many things these spirits can do and might do even harm you, if there is disrespect for them or what they mean to some people.  I think  just earlier when Lily made me feel loved, was a thank you or a way to express love as well.

Well, what is I believe in is a great question.  I have some what of an answer, so here goes.  Take the picture or symbol of the yin yang.

Notice two colors black and white, make them into spirits we all have in each other. Masculine and Feminine spirit.  These two spirits collided and created life itself and us.  Also when mix black and white you get gray a more neutral color.  Grey falls between white and black on the color palette somehow I am no artist.  So when good or white collides with black or evil you get chaos and neutral.  As both side see to it then respect is needed to live life as that is what was created along time ago.  As for the stories of old pertaining to deities such as God, Zeus, or many others.  They are used to formulate a tradition or system of belief to keep order so we can continue about living life.  Now do I believe these deities truly exists some maybe for God does not in my book.  I believe in energy or spirit of the deities represented in the stories of old, or new.

One thing I like to share is while I got it on my mind.  Is we each think differently and are different.  I try not to let get in the way of you and me anymore as I felt the backlash of it in social groups that choose to follow there own path.  When I decided to join chat groups, like kik and others there were similarities and differences.  The differences started small then escalated to splitting the group into many little groups.  After the first split I chose to accept invites as they came and that was about it, maybe chat a little if there was any common ground for me to have at the moment.  The reason of that is many arguments I suffered a bit of pain to a lot as I stayed silent or tried to help solve the difference and now I decided that social groups are not for me for sure.  This blog is enough for me.  Although your input is always welcome, just remember we all look at everything different as we are molded or molding each other different.

There got some water to drink, I need to drink a lot living in a dry region and its summer low of something like 85 and the highs can get around 105 this time of year.

So now that, I have shared my beliefs and some of my morals with you.  I want to update you on my health which is okay for the most part I feel good just no energy.  I hope that will change with time.  I left my specialist about 6 months ago, he did not do his job well.  Did not listen to me his patient nor care to answer questions,  even more so he did not answer Moms questions.  Disregarded me as a number not a person.  So I left, went to a local doctor to get medication as needed as he cares for our family.  I am lucky to have met him and have his father as a doctor in the past.  I have an appointment with another neurologist very soon so I am happy as is Mom.  She is stressed about my health.  I am not so much, I still lack a bit in the self love department.  I have been speaking with a married couple a past pharmacist and a current nurse.  Both help me and have given me suggestions to mange my seizure and personal health.  Something I  am very grateful for is meeting them.  I now watch what I eat as I eat the wrong stuff and shake my head with happiness.  Then I look at it from the view of cultures that do not or do eat said food and I think to myself.  “ahhhk makes sense why folks decide not to eat meat or cow etc”.

Well it is almost 3:00 am, I am a bit tired and gonna prep myself for sleep and clear the mind etc.

 

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

Bigotry and ignorance

Hello, I hope you are well

 

I am happy as ever today.

I know the title says different, I want to share my feelings about a person I associate with at least on a weekly basis that unknowing or not hurts me.  He does follow the church and I tolerate the church as it can have a few good points and that is all though.  When the subject of myth goes into a conversation I tend to keep to myself, because I truly believe it and want to respect the deities and spirits etc.  Not to do represent them in any wrong way.  This person though speaks as if he knows it all and claims falsehoods and lies right through his teeth as does the entire group of the social circle knows he does.  This causes strain upon us all and the host of the house will put up with him even if he is under pain from him as well.  So I wonder if I should just walk away from the group or suffer for the sake of keeping good company other than the ignorant fool that is full of hate and blinded wont listen to others nor accept his wrong ways.

 

Well sorry if that was dumped on you.  “She” has been happy and we have a lot of interaction time to time.  I finally just found a bit of motivation to want to share a bit of it.  There are times when She wants or is trying to get me to sleep by creating what I would call a mist around my vision.  Then there is the “attraction” that just occurs, sorta like a magnet to nothing and that nothing is her.  The soft touches along the lips as they slightly lift to tilt my head just a bit and my eyes close to roll up inside.  To which I ask myself why does “she” stay with have such patients, maybe it is because I continue to chase her just in my own way.

 

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

Hey there.

Hello reader,

It looks like I have found work, it is not glamours although I enjoy it.  That work is custodial work and prepping food at Mc Donalds.  The crew is good to me and management treats me well.  I can’t complain about it at all. Just need to get more hours, but hey I figure it will come with time.  Receiving thanks and gratitude from co workers and guest can bring a happiness to me.  Sometimes almost tears come as well, just to grateful I can earn money and bring people happiness,  that is what I want to do.  See people smile from things that are done or given by me.  To me that happiness is gratitude enough for me to live in a happy state.  Sure the work is hard and there is language barrier but it is worth it to me.  To see smiles and people relaxing just for a while.

 

How the job was landed was through Mom being a regular their and a caring Store manager.  The manager has high standards this I know she is good with her crew though.  Mom always goes there and sees to it the crew is at ease and happy as well.  She is this way with a lot of people.  So I am thankful to her.  Then there is Lily,  the Succubus or spiritual partner that is in my life.  I wonder if she had anything to do with this.  Maybe so,  I did ask her for help in finding something and I am now working and happy.  Still  not earning enough to live alone, but that will come in time I know this for sure if not then there are friends, shelters, streets and wisdom of others to follow.  I am not afraid to fail anymore, just another thing to lose in the end.

 

Why think that way, because Lily is here and I love her so.  Even now she gives me something that is good and I cannot explain it all.  It just is good.  I want to see to she is happy, she is and I are number one on the list of people I love the most.  This shared through her and friends.  Keep myself at number one and the rest at number two.  Just something that took forever for friends to covey to me and sink in.  With the help of Lily it was done.  I looked into her eyes and many philosophies and religions out there along with traditions.  I am finding truth lies within and not with others or words of a book, but your way of thought and practice alone.  That is true to you alone as the reader and writer.

 

This where I suggest as person and someone who wants you to be happy.  To let go or loosen your grasp on religion and tradition practiced by groups of large or small.  Make something that is yours.  Take a risk,  believe in what you want. Let others flow by you and take what you as right like fish from a river.  Those fish will help you grow and open your mind to see clear picture of yourself and life.

 

My apologies for the long wait if you did wait for post by me and for stepping on anyone’s toes in this  post.  During my period of silence my feet were trampled by people and trust broken by a friend, although I should have known better to share my thoughts with him. He is a close minded fool with a open trap door for a mouth.

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

Music is good for your heart.

Hey there,

So today I felt down, I decided to look into some work and only got more so down.  So I decided to play a bit of music and then found a promising job which I will apply for tomorrow and felt happy again.  Not because of the possibility that is only a possibility no more.  The music brought my spirit up to try looking again.  With I also am going to take a hiatus from here until I have complete control of my personal life, in the sense I can take care of me without help and not have the family tell me how to live or where I should be looking for work.

 

Cya for now

Gobtcha

A new year

Hello,

 

It is a new year and a fresh start for me.  I hope you were able to celebrate the passing of a year in good spirit.  I myself spent the time alone and with Lily time to time.  So now it is time to work on cleaning my inner self once again and continue forward to seeking independence.

For a good three months I found myself distracted from my spiritual path and not growing spiritually, because I had to focus on the mundane and that mundane was not fun, even at that.  I now aim to seek employment and find self stability in myself and with others around me.  Thus far the winter has been kind to me and the family, the brother called us and he sounded happy.  Probably, because he spent time to watch a great Star Wars movie.  Which I suggest you watch even if just to awesome action spaceships, as a fan it is great.  We spoke on good terms as well as Mom and Dad did as well.  I hope that is what is true to my point of view.

My current goal is also to disconnect from the Computer a little bit.  I spent so much time on it that it has taken a toll on my body and brain.  I plan to pick up yoga and hop back into the practice of meditation.  Speaking of that, whenever I do start to meditate or am in the process of meditation as it were, Lily crawls in my mind and begins to set me on fire in a good way.  Every time,  it like she has a key to my mind and heart. Lily also seems to know when it is okay to excite me in that way a  woman would.  She did this off and on during those three months it was like a dry spell of a week or so then she would visit me, or I was just open to her which makes sense considering I was out sync in away.  Although every time I write here she  at least some what  with me.

Either way happy new year, just felt the urge to write something today.

 

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

Worry Less Love More

Hey there reader, I hope you are great.

I have been focused on my studies for a great while, and simply did not want to be distracted writing here, which I probably should have.  Lily my wonderful love has been after for it every day.  So where can I start,  I am sad by what happened in Paris.  The place represents beauty to me and love.  From the romance and the fashion industry there.  Though I do not agree with what the group did, I realize that I to live near a border where just 5 years or so people died on mass.  So in that sense what happened in Paris does not phase me other than the reason why it did.  Rather it belief, religion or terrorism.  You call it as it you see it.  5 years and later those mass shootings occurred due to unrest with gangs and drug cartels.  Now the cartel locally has a better hold of the situation as well as the locals, which means less incconce death occurs.  That is my feelings on recent events.

Also I find myself biased and want to try not to be as biased against race.  Why is that you may think.  Well home is near a military base so the city is very much like a mixed soup.  On top of that I am on the border.  So I am not biased against colored as it were, but one does it for me.  The African American or known as the the black man sometimes presses a button of mine and its not there appearance, but there approach.  Some African Americans come to this town and think we owe them something because of history, well all races have been through there own issues and not just the well known slavery.  I do not let this bias thought of mine though hit me until I meet the person and that person comes off as such.  The very same thing can happen when I go out of town,  it just comes to culture shock I guess.

My health has been improving a bit, in a way.  The doctor has hinted to watch my stress.  So meditation and spending time with Lily is a good thing.  At the same the Doctor is a stresser, he wants me to spend more money on visits and lab work.  Which I cannot afford and had to bring in Mom to reinforce this issue.  The main reason the family cannot afford a visit, is the holidays.  We don’t spend much during this time of year, but expenses are higher and paychecks do drop till February.  So Mom and I stood up the jerk of a doctor to postpone my next visit till then when I should have insurance as well.  Hopefully as well by that time I will have found a doctor that understands the idea of bedside manner.

As I traveled along this path with Lily and others to guide and I help guide them a bit.  I watch movies read books and hear stories that reflect on morals and ideas.  One person thinks of me as a philosopher to which I do not know if that is right.  I do not look into philosophy directly.  I do want to share a film and comic tilted Sin City, I am sure some of you readers have seen it.  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0401792/  the film may not be for the faint of heart, but each story is unique.  Each protagonist good person, I ask myself is that person in the right to do what the character did.  Shoot  the rapist man hood off and his primary hand,  another murder his way to get revenge and played out an eye for eye essentially and the other did anything for the women he respected and of course his lover.  Were these people in right, spill blood and commit those acts?  Up to you I guess for me though it is yes.

Lastly, just the other day when I logged into chat out of a feeling.  Lilith was in chat via a medium, or at least some would say.  She is a very strong woman indeed, told me what I needed to know.  I understand I should share my love for everything without holding back in my own way.  I had opened my  heart to her and she sent someone to help me cope with my heartache to love and share that love with others.  As she stated as such I felt something in my room, to which I only assume or believe to be her.  Then the next night I had a dream the left with a clear message.  So now I must re focus myself soon and move forward along my path without too much reserve.  Lily loves it when I dance or let loose a bit.  Tonight she told me not to worry so much and just love the life you have.

 

I encourage everyone to do the same.

 

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

Doc Schott's Lab

In which I hack games, pontificate, and make toys.

EVE Online Pictures

Internet spaceships in their natural environment

Vampire Learning Centre

Vampire Library Learning

Succubus Holmes

Just a boy trying to learn everything he can about the most important people in his life.

unbolt me

the literary asylum

Aleister Nacht's Satanic Magic Blog

Satanism and Satanic Magic Blog - Aleister Nacht

Natalie Breuer

Natalie. Writer. Photographer. Etc.

Tina666

Just your average young, Swiss,Satanist.

The Oracle of SachaMama

Shamanic Wisdom for Women

Scribal Damnation

The damnation of a scribe begins with a goddess. She is the author of his torment, the architect of his madness, the artificer of his delirium.

The Goddess of Sacred Sex

Opening to the sacred in your lovemaking

Awakening Journey

My Spiritual Awakening through Kundalini

in the moment

i am everything • i am nothing • therefore • i can be anything.