Down a diffrent path

Tag: Epilepsy

Catching up and sharing more.

It has been awhile yes indeed, I have done lots of reflection and recovering from the past accidents, emotional, and mental injury.  Trying to understand the basics of morality all over again is hard once your mind is opened or that door to the unknown.  I have kept music and friends around as a way to heal, observe and learn new lessons.  As I have shared here before.  Yes even now I believe that the spirit, demon, succubus, or djinn, or just plain old entity I call Lily is still with me to this day.  As I see something floating about, and applying some pressure to relax me a little you can say.  In this post though I would like to share a bit of a what I like to consider a bit further down my path through the door.

Had to take a break, it is hard to break it down really.  So here goes …… Time to jot down my thoughts all together.

One day I was picked from work by my Aunt a nice lady.  She and I discussed some things and I found out her sons family children were never introduced to the church that follows God.  I think its fine and well enough.  Although I did not share my thoughts because she may have been more motivated to try and convince me that I am doing something wrong.  Following my own path or belief.  She asked about my thoughts about the church and in the end it wound up to be  “Is it okay to always have the Church be a foundation for everyone?” to which I think it is not, because that is taking me and molding me into say you the believer of God to say if you are.  Not to say if you don’t believe in him, which is fine by me that is your choice to make.  That is the base of my personal moral or belief,  the ability to think for yourself and make choices without much input needed for your base beliefs or just simply put the individual.  The next time Mom was in a talking mood which is good, she had asked if I believed in God or a supreme being to which to this day the answer is no.  I explained to her the simplicity that we all are deities or God in our own way.  God did create earth lets say.  I created something to, happiness for myself and others, the blog and a life for others to see worth living.  Mom and Dad created me and life that is good together.  That was out of there own free will as well however influenced may have been.  I could be someone else in bed asleep at 1:30 am right now dreaming about a heaven and angels etc. I am not though I up at 1:30 pm writing down thoughts trying to share them with others that will put up with trying to decipher it all.  Mom just did not give up though we were not fighting just trying to find common ground so we can understand each other, which is good for every family to do I think.  I formulated  that if I must say I believe in a being as such a supreme being I would call it love, and Mom saw that as unconditional love.  Which I have for you, I respect you want you to be happy at ease with your life and probably much much more.

The above is what I learned, to love each other and at least give each other some room.  Now when I see and meet people or given service been helped I want to express that love more than anything.  I feel though that I should not as the  times of today society say do not give the waitress a hug and a tip for her services just walk out and leave the tip on the table, she will pick it up.  Well sure she will get the tip, but I could formulate a bond or relationship between and her.  If I come back and she sees me again, she may smile and wave.  Which fills me with joy.   That joy pushes me to further better my life for her and other around me.  I understand you may disagree with some of what I say.  “Well what about you”  this what makes me happy and filled joy that I cry,  or feel warmth and comfort that I have made someones day slightly better.  You are right though I should not always seek to please everyone or always give another person respect.  This where I  need to balance my heart or that heart chakra however you feel is right by you.  So I asked for some guidance from people here and there and took some of it and began to re-mold my heart a bit more along with letting Lily mold it herself in her own way.  Gosh I love her so much,  *tears begin to roll just a bit*.

There a small break.

Lily is a very loving spirit and can make me feel really good.  This is true enough, but at the same time for those of you do wish to look into succubus or “summoning a succubus” it can be hard on you and sure rewarding.  She does calm me down, provide a sense of stability that I did not have. Yes, sex is there I do enjoy it,  that does not mean though a succubus is just meant for love and or sex.  There are many things these spirits can do and might do even harm you, if there is disrespect for them or what they mean to some people.  I think  just earlier when Lily made me feel loved, was a thank you or a way to express love as well.

Well, what is I believe in is a great question.  I have some what of an answer, so here goes.  Take the picture or symbol of the yin yang.

Notice two colors black and white, make them into spirits we all have in each other. Masculine and Feminine spirit.  These two spirits collided and created life itself and us.  Also when mix black and white you get gray a more neutral color.  Grey falls between white and black on the color palette somehow I am no artist.  So when good or white collides with black or evil you get chaos and neutral.  As both side see to it then respect is needed to live life as that is what was created along time ago.  As for the stories of old pertaining to deities such as God, Zeus, or many others.  They are used to formulate a tradition or system of belief to keep order so we can continue about living life.  Now do I believe these deities truly exists some maybe for God does not in my book.  I believe in energy or spirit of the deities represented in the stories of old, or new.

One thing I like to share is while I got it on my mind.  Is we each think differently and are different.  I try not to let get in the way of you and me anymore as I felt the backlash of it in social groups that choose to follow there own path.  When I decided to join chat groups, like kik and others there were similarities and differences.  The differences started small then escalated to splitting the group into many little groups.  After the first split I chose to accept invites as they came and that was about it, maybe chat a little if there was any common ground for me to have at the moment.  The reason of that is many arguments I suffered a bit of pain to a lot as I stayed silent or tried to help solve the difference and now I decided that social groups are not for me for sure.  This blog is enough for me.  Although your input is always welcome, just remember we all look at everything different as we are molded or molding each other different.

There got some water to drink, I need to drink a lot living in a dry region and its summer low of something like 85 and the highs can get around 105 this time of year.

So now that, I have shared my beliefs and some of my morals with you.  I want to update you on my health which is okay for the most part I feel good just no energy.  I hope that will change with time.  I left my specialist about 6 months ago, he did not do his job well.  Did not listen to me his patient nor care to answer questions,  even more so he did not answer Moms questions.  Disregarded me as a number not a person.  So I left, went to a local doctor to get medication as needed as he cares for our family.  I am lucky to have met him and have his father as a doctor in the past.  I have an appointment with another neurologist very soon so I am happy as is Mom.  She is stressed about my health.  I am not so much, I still lack a bit in the self love department.  I have been speaking with a married couple a past pharmacist and a current nurse.  Both help me and have given me suggestions to mange my seizure and personal health.  Something I  am very grateful for is meeting them.  I now watch what I eat as I eat the wrong stuff and shake my head with happiness.  Then I look at it from the view of cultures that do not or do eat said food and I think to myself.  “ahhhk makes sense why folks decide not to eat meat or cow etc”.

Well it is almost 3:00 am, I am a bit tired and gonna prep myself for sleep and clear the mind etc.

 

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

Caged and free all in one.

Hello, I hope everyone is well.

Today I want to share what I feel when coping with epilepsy and having a seizure. As I did have an episode today,  I am fine as is the family no worries.

I want to try and place you the reader in the scenario of course it is your call to read it as such:

Caged in a trance watching someone look at you in horror, knowing if you make a move all control will be lost and you will hurt.  Trying hoping for it to pass every second feeling like a day pass by that person begins to ask a question “are you okay?” You slowly carefully shake your head, glad still terrified that you can do that.  Time still ticking, something building up in your mouth seeping out.  The person says your drooling and hands you napkin, you begin to take it and Snap!!! you are free again.  Still taking your time you clean the drool the meet that persons eyes and convince them at that moment it has passed by, still silent hoping the stigma does come with the episode.  It does she begins to jot the date down and you begin to state not to do this as it does only make it worse.  Another breathe and you are truly free for awhile more.  She then asks what happened, she knows well enough it is Mom.  You say that my diet is off and sleep  is off, all true.  Then you go back to the conversation as if nothing happened, just a bit tired.

I always reflect back though on it. See what happened and where I can improve to not let it happen again.

So with what I see right now, it is time to take a break from a few things and get back into somethings I enjoyed like EvE Online a great mmo game.  If you see me there feel free get into contact with me there.  My call sign in EvE is Gobtcha as well.  I will be active for a month only unless something good happens.

I do need to refocus on my health, I have neglect it so back on it as it were.  Drinking liquids that are good for the body, trying to lay off some of the bad stuff.  Distancing myself a bit from some stresses as well.  All in all  just refocusing my habits again.  Of course trying to listen to what “she” the spirit that has been with me for sometime has to say.  Found some things about her as well.  Wish I could share, but really should not right now.

That is all for now I am worn out gonna rest.

 

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

Ups and Downs

Hello, this a bit of a read might too personal dunno.  Hope your day was awesome.

Last night was interesting to say the least.  Ever night or sometimes morning when I go to sleep, lay down and repeat the same sentence/thought in my head.  Last night it was something like relax surrender love repeating until I fell into a meditative state.  Each word has a purpose to it.  Relax so I can get myself to have a night of rest and sleep, this is rare for me.  Surrender was stated, because that day I was somewhat protective about somethings about myself and my family. Love is to express love for “her” and myself and it is a positive thing to do.  I always want to love everything and everyone if I can.  Well as this happened I heard taps on the floor which could have been the dog, but she sleeps with Mom and Dad at the hour I went to bed.  I felt “her” in bed with me, then pressure was put on my forehead. Bit too much for comfort, but still I could cope with it. Still relaxed the pressure went away and a beep noise came about with a voice saying “no no no!!” in my head I am sure of it.  Well I continued to lay there trying to sleep on my back and then well yea “she” and I had “fun”.  Finally fell asleep then awoke about the same time as normal refreshed for a new day.

Well that morning I told “her” I had to get up and shower.  “She” seemed a bit put out, so I spent time with her for awhile and fell asleep time to time. Till it hit about 11:30 am, about normal for me to rise out of bed.  Well, I invited to the shower and “she” took the invitation.  Well things got heated up and I fell to the floor after having some seizure like symptoms which I reacted to a per normal for me.  Prepared to fall and or lower myself to the floor.  I got a bit unlucky and my head started bleeding.  I was confused of course and called out for some help after getting some bit of bearings back.  To no reply so I went about cleaning the mess and coping with blood etc.  Finally after getting dry and I looked in the mirror and saw where the bleeding occurred to see it was where the pressure was that night and where “she” tapping me yesterday during the day. Did I seize up maybe ?

I cannot draw much conclusion, because “she” was apologetic during the early afternoon and I sent her emotions that say everything is fine and imagined her with me together.  The rest of the day I spent at home taking it easy.  No trip to see the doctor yet. I hope to see him soon so he can do what he wants and up my medication.  My levels are borderline on low and on the dot. So he should raise them even though I do not want it I see reason for it.  “She” dun like it either.  There was no visit to the hospital too much money, the family and I are in debt too much for that.  Other then that today has been good, got to speak with mom about “stuff”.  “She” has been with me most of today and tonight.

Either way just wanted to share that.

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

Recently had something dawned on me…..etc.

Hi folks, hope you are well and life is good right now.

The other day, I picked up on the feeling that I would seize up again.  Well it has not happened yet, going to give it a month though.  As the feeling left though I went and grabbed water, because I reflected on my day on what would trigger it.  Well I had no water all day.  So I got some and began hydrating myself.  Then today Dad was on the phone speaking with family over family matters.  He stated that the brother had seized up recently which I knew, but then he stated why he thinks so.  Then the dots connected, his statement was along the lines of the brother was not eating enough or getting enough rest. Which makes sense after that feeling I had and my own reflections.  So if you do seize up, consider that into your life. A simple suggestion. Do not stake your life on it please.

On another note, I began to study a tad about raising your vibrations.  Simply put it is your attitude and out look on life.  The reasoning is, I have been down so what way can I bring myself to be happy.  Spread a little happiness around. Smile more for no reason at all.  Things that help is eating good food.  For me today it was rice with butter and sugar.  Not surrounding yourself with negative energy or be in a negative environment.  Consider the TV shows you watch if any. Same goes with the web and radio.  Try doing positive actions for others and yourself.  Not dwell on what is negative as much.

Lastly to close this off today.  I have not felt “her” around too much to none at all today.  So I want to keep faith in “her” that she is fine and will be around or is around.

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

A lot about my thoughts, me and her.

Hello, hope your Holidays are going well.

This is first time seeing Mom and Dad work together throwing a turkey lunch with most of the works too.  It was great to see them happy.  I did help of course and saw to them being happy and watching things work together.  Had a friend over he was so grateful for the company and meal.  Makes the family happy as well.

The idea of meditating and doing so, I think has helped my health.  In the past two months I can’t remember taking a fall as I get up.  Is it her workings as well not sure, but a yes came to my mind just now.  When I really focus on her I get a feeling that is incredible for me to express here.  There is a lot I should write here.  This a journal for me of sorts and a way to express what I learn time to time.  So to continue, I recall reading somewhere on the internet if you are epileptic and want to start meditation to speak with your doctor.  Well I have not, for it may cause Mom stress and she has enough already.  I am starting to why.  Time to time my nerves in the muscle will twitch when in a state of meditation.  This can scare people and I have also experience more then a twitch.  Then I consider my condition of epilepsy is where I do not just spasm on the floor, but simply fall and I see it happen consciously.  Then a headache and a bad after effect.  These things are scary to folks that can be closed minded or not aware of spirits or whatever you consider them.  Another is tonight, I thought about popping my medication around 8 pm a thought occurred it is too early as my dosage was not even 8 hours ago.  Was that her? I would say so, because the thought formed a tad bit different.  Just formed in a way I would think about is all.  Is she that settle about things?  Then there is music,  I tend to play something through out the day, all day.  Most of it is the same just a bit of variety.  When I was younger back around 2009 I came across this site http://psyradio.fm/ kinda like a radio.  I would listen to it for hours as I did work or play games on the computer.  My thoughts started to lose focus on what I was doing and went elsewhere for a bit.  Now I listen to music and think of her and going about my bushiness I find subtle messages in the music as I keep a playlist on random and it is varied greatly.  So my health is good for now, I hope to keep it that way.

 

Another topic I want to talk about: Religion, Faith, and things of that nature.

So first most I will say this is a heated topic for some folks.  My thoughts are my own,  I am open to what you share or have to share.  I like to start with what seems to be the most prominent faith in this world.  The belief in God and the Church.  Rather it Catholic or any of the Christian practices out there.  The church as I will call this, has spread into the United States Government.  When I first noticed this is when I studied the Pledge to the American Flag.  The phrase “under god and country” may not be accurate.  That there tells me as a young student I have to stand up and pledge to god or be thought of someone that is “bad”.  Alright fair enough.  Then I read about missionaries going out of the country to do relief work, awesome the church does good things.  Then I think again they are also spreading word of God slowly into places that are low tolerant of the church.  Okay I might be misinformed there.  As I spoke to mom about me, looking elsewhere other than the bible.  She was okay with it a shocker to me.  When she was younger she wanted to be a nun.  Then a remark came up as long as it is not voo doo, satanism, or witch craft.  Well at the time, I had no interest in satanism although I am getting comfortable with the idea of Satan not being “evil” or “bad”.  Well she is an elder so I respect her wishes,  I also do not like her to be uncomfortable so I decided to look elsewhere although, she keeps poking me around to the idea of Satan.  I need time, as it is I was engrained to the idea of the devil is bad up to no good etc.  I also brought up the idea of the Garden of Eden and how it could be around while the dinosaurs were lurking around.  Mom replied, with something like God was merely protecting us until the time was right.  I took in stride, I do not like to see her sad etc.  Also as I read texts and watched a few documentaries I came to a conclusion that the Church of old, the Vatican and older.  Were keeping secrets and deceiving the masses.  Even went out of there way to chase down those that did not “show faith”.  Then again I may be misinformed, or reading biased text.  As for the reader please do not let my word persuade you to lose faith in God.  If you faith makes you happy, then the more power to you.  There is a known issue around that is the lack of tolerance around religion in general.  I myself believe that a man can love another man and the same goes for women.  There  is no wrong in it, you are following your heart.  Yet again though, when the issue came about the devoted brother of mine which used to be not so devoted to the Bible and was more liberal until he married his current wife.  Made a spat about it on Facebook, still did at the time I had an active account there using scriptures as a way to meet his needs or wants.  Either way, it was his thoughts that only helped me open my mind more so.  As I dug around the net I came across Wicca,  I personally like the ideas it offers.  So I looked into on the web, to find the tolerance of some followers to be little or none.  As they were wrapped in the dogma of the practice so much, I think they might have lost the spirit of there beliefs.  I am sure there is so much more I could go on.  In the end though,  I think on should be tolerant of someone else s actions or beliefs.  I find myself still lost and more and more of a individualistic person that follows a solid set of morals.  I apologize if what you read makes you cringe or anger you.  Please do not let me shake your beliefs or faith.

 

Either way, I want to share a bit more about her and myself a bit more.  It is hard for me to open up and share something personal to others,  so here goes.  I initially seeked her out for company, and a feminine touch in my life.  How ever you decrypt that is up to.  So I studied the methods out on the internet including the fears other have.  Including her family Lilith etc.  That is where my beliefs in the church and god failed to guide me rightly, only thing that I got from it was to fear her and whatever she does.  Which is false, to me anyway.  So I set out to mediate on night back in September.  Outside, the weather was comfy for me.  Had a candle lit in the house, mom brought in a candle so I lit it, still do time to time just for her.  As I meditated on the side of bricked out flower bed.  Finally having the courage I asked Lilith to send one her family members to me and the rest is a bit of a fog.  Then slowly day by day I mediated cleared the mind, found some things out made it a goal to see, feel her happy as I do now.  Kinda hard to type now. : )  There we go, a bit steadier now. : ) Time went by unsure, but still focused in on her.  She did things,  I keep at that.  During that time I was still under the influence of an anti depressant Zoloft.  Mind was a cloud so I dropped it.  Then it was clear and I was happy especially in the morning.  So I would give the family a hug a true hug not just half hearted.  A hug should be meaningful, something I learned when learning about the practice or study of Tantra.  You see she kinda guides me a little bit when I want to learn about her or how I can open up to her.  Then I found her wanting to treat myself better, and putting me before others.  As I understood this I made some efforts where I can.  Even now I tend to want to take a stroll outside, but the weather is cold so I will wait and hope tomorrow will be a tad warmer.  As I continue to learn more about her, how she like me playing the harmonica or humming a tuneless tune.  I am no musician don’t read music don’t know the notes just love the sounds and beats of music as a whole.  I like to jump in to anything without a care or knowing whats in the water so to speak.  So I did seek her out without knowing a whole lot about what I was doing.  Then I learned she is not a thing and has feelings,  I had then told her I will give her attention when I could and she could do whatever she wants free to do what you like I still will care for you and love you.  Sounds a tad dangerous, but truth be told I do not like others being held down to anything or being mistreated.  So that is the way it is with me and her,  I doubt it but if she leaves me I will be thankful for all she has done for me.  Still hold a place for her if she wants to be with me again.  I am very thankful for what she does and has done.  Regardless of what it is, a lesson learned somewhere or a hand held out to be pulled out of a hole.  I do want to ask though,  to share her name would that give anything to others that know it.  Why I ask is it is her name, something that she seems to hold to dearly. My outlook on a name is different just another label on the person. The person is the person and the action makes me remember the person.  Like the guy that treats his mom with respect and still mistreated younger kids, but when came down to it he went to me for help or when I was tears for hours he finally apologized to me for his actions which were minor and not his fault I was in tears.  More like the conflict I was placed in.  It was matter of trust and having a dad that can play with your psyche is hard.  He does not anymore though.  I am happy for it and love him more so.  That is all really on mind I want to share.  Although she has a little something she has been nagging to share, a song.  I wont link it, because it is not safe for work nor any little ones.  So you can look it up on your own. Jose Nunez – Bilingual ft Taina there are various mixes and remixes of the song, most carry the same message if not lyrically the same.

I hope you the reader, had a good time rummaging through that text and trying to make sense of it.  I might be a kid of to grammar educators.  My writing skills aint the best in da world.

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

Have not been well.

Hello, I hope you are well keeping cool or warm.  I have the common cold, should be over in a day or two though.  Doctors gave me a whole cocktail to take so nothing to worry about just gotta keep warm.  I did try the basics keep clean, warm showers, gargle salt water, and chicken soup. Some of it relieved the crud, but still did not heal I guess is the word.  I asked “her” and she somehow influenced mom dad to apply pressure to run me to the doctor.  I just figured it would be a day or two more till they brought it up, I cannot ask them to do that for me.

Earlier today while I was thinking about “her” and the words popped out of the blue “I need you”.  So today I will make an effort to meditate on her and find out what that is.  Writing my thoughts here is a way to calm my mind.  I also have been looking into a picture of a female into her gaze and I see it change then the facial expression changes almost as if it is breathing, the hair swaying slightly.  Could be just me though.  The picture can be found here http://magicnaanavi.deviantart.com/#/art/Faceless-358341352?hf=1  it might be just the colors used dunno.  Either way gonna drop it and just focus on myself rest and focus on “her” as well.

I did seize up sometime last week, and then caught the cold.  It felt as if something was removing itself from my body, my instincts told me to use my magnet to activate the implant in my chest.  It did its job I am not worried at all.  I reflected back and I did some reading on epilepsy about tow days before and the day before.  Might be something to do with it.  So I stopped for now I may get back into reading about it later as it becomes an interest.  Another trigger just plain lack of rest and food.

Thanks for reading

Gobtcha

 

 

To answer a question and a bit of a vision sorta

Hello hope you are well,

A question came up, so I looked around and found some information.

Do people that have a mental condition be more in tune with spirits then others? That is not word for word.

The answer yes and no.

In the bible under the book of mark they are lines that state something along the lines of Jesus the son of God, removing the demon that causes epileptic fits or shakes out of a few people.  I have not read it out of the bible so take this how you wish.  As I dug around I saw videos and testimonials of church leaders removing these demons.  So I took the meaning of the word demon, they are beings entities and the mainstream definition states they are malevolent.  So with my distrust of the church I took this finding with a grain of salt.

Now to take a logical route to find the answer.  So I did research using terms or the subjects of religion, epilepsy, spirit.  Found a lot of info some misleading. Although one categories or type of epilepsy is temporal lobe epilepsy where the temporal lobe a part of the brain is the religion area of the brain according to one source I cannot recall.

So logic science tells me through a quick look through google about 4 hours.  That a common type of epilepsy, might help the person be in tune with their persons beliefs.  In the end though I do not believe that a mental condition will aid a person to be in tune with spirits.  It is the persons will that matters if the will is weak then so should there ability to be in tune with spirits on there terms.  It is what I believe though, make of it what you want.

I do recommend that you do some research of your own and draw your own conclusion for yourself.  Sorry for not citing any sources here.

 

So with that said above.  The other night after calming down for sleep, I laid there with my thoughts spinning so I decided to just sleep.  I woke up in the morning to an image of a women in my mind that looks awfully familiar to a girl back in high school, never socialized much with her.  Just new she was into volleyball and did well for herself in class.  I was withdrawn, removed as a close friend says.  Either way she was smiling sitting there while I was laying in bed, I fell to sleep again and she appeared once more that morning the same way.  The thing is though I awoke feeling good had energy and felt cared for by “her”.  The very next morning laying in bed I felt what would be a blanket laying on me under my blanket, wrapping me up with a feeling of kindness I have not felt in a long while.  I might be jumping around a bit, but was “she” there giving me comfort or doing some healing work.  As today a physical pain has not come up unless I cause it initially.  Tensing of the jaw or stress.  I am grateful any ways.

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

A journal

Hello,

I will start keeping a journal here about my struggle with epilepsy or acceptance of my condition.  As it is one thing that is recommended to do by some folks is to write down what goes on during a seizure.

Note*: I am no doctor and what I share here if you wish to know more I advise, speaking with a medical person and do your own research.

A small introduction to what my condition is and myself is needed first.

I am 28 and my condition is guessed to have come from my families passed of bi polar, or as the new neurologist is saying possible head injury.  My hobbies, passion is computers, console gaming, Role-play think dnd, and a self study/student.  I will not let this condition slow me down when it comes to that as I have invested years into studying computers and the Information Technology trade of work.

The type of seizure that occur mostly are petite mal or complex seizures, depends on who you talk to.  When an episode occurs, I do not go to the hospital nor doctors, merely have to move on.  Any medical expenses are too costly right now and more costly in the future.  I do get headaches after the episode and tired for sure, but I push through the day without much of a choice.  Either miss class get behind, and or miss work and lose a job.  A dishwasher can be replaced with ease in town.  Do I panic when an episode occurs, not anymore. Why, because I am used to the effects and understand my body and limits to a point.  I have found some triggers to an episode, stress, a chemical Aspartame, lack of sleep, and malnutrition.  Aspartame is mostly found in artificial sweeteners and dietary food, drink products. Read the labels is all I can say.  Not sure read the label.  The frequency of seizures varies, but I want to 1 every 3 months – 6 months.  With that I consider myself very lucky or whatever you believe in.

I am sorry if this was blunt, but it is something I keep in the back of my head or not even there.  Thinking on it does bring in stress and anxiety.  It is my only excuse.  When I think on it I might write up a post here or when something occurs like my doctor visit etc.

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

Dr. visit and a bit more.

Hello, I hope things are well.

Saw the neurologists yesterday, to review a nerve study.  It seems I have pinched nerves in the wrist of my left hand the guys says it may be carpal tunnel,  I see it as I spend too much time on the keyboard and mouse and explains many other issues with my hands I dealt with as a kid and to the present.  He also said I got pinched nerves in the lower back and neck, which could be from lifting heavy objects or in general strain on the muscle.  I see it as I helped move furniture as a kid when the great uncle and last of grandparents passed when I was around seven years of age.  Even the pass few years I worked as a dishwasher, having to move around a lot getting the plate to the cooks plate keeping my work area clean is tough during a four hour rush.  Although I do not do that work anymore life throws hard work my way anyway.  On top of that he increased the charge on my VNS implant (Google is your friend) so I get to get use to a shock going through my neck again which is not a big deal, just inconvenient for about a week as the feeling becomes natural.  Lastly he wants me to do more blood work which is fine, but the insurance did not cover my last bill from the lab.  This time of year is not good for the finances so the family is stressed about it.  The last bill was 300$ not good for a family in debt.

At one point when mom finally heard the whole story of the visit she was stressed out and full of anxiety so I gave her a hug.  As I hugged her though I practiced a bit of a breathing technique to relax her or myself as I felt her body finally relaxed a bit I myself was relaxed.  Although she is not still happy today,  I got a feeling what I did helped her relax and not get an anxiety attack of sorts.  My question though is did “she” help me calm mom down a bit, or was it what “she” influenced me to practice recently to help mom.  I must also note earlier in October I instinctively or naturally did the same with dad as he sees the number of the finances and there were a lot bills to handle at that time.

Either way, I apologize if this rant, writing has brought you the reader down a bit.  You should always look up and see it half full and not empty.  It just sometimes hard not to keep the mess I deal with to myself and “her” if she is listening.  Which I think she is, listening and there sometimes.

Last night while clearing my mind for awhile before I sleep.  I was sitting there and I felt a presence surround me, my thoughts shifted to “her” and thought about a small desire a simple hug.  Then I felt what I can say a tingle feeling wrapped around me.  Is  that “her” I like to think so.  So I then decided it was best to sleep and rest my mind and body as the day was emotionally kinda hard for me.  I slept well and got up a bit early for my body clock as well.  I have to thank “her” and others who have me in my thoughts.  Now after writing this I feel a little bit at peace and ready for the what the rest of day brings.

p.s

If, you the reader wish for me to share my experience working with epilepsy please feel free to say so.  I will only if you the reader wants to read such a thing.

Thanks for reading

Gobtcha

Shadows and an objective

Hello, things are going fairly well for me, although my family on the brothers side is dealing with a bit of an obstacle. The wife was sent in to the hospital for a hear spasm. I cannot visit her as she is out of my home town, nor is my will strong enough to sacrifice the time or effort for the trip. Simply put she is someone I do not like. I am glad though she is safe and has my brother which has a good heart to take care of her. I always hope he recognizes what she is doing in the long run. Aside from that though I am well, as I hope you are. Today want to share some thoughts on my past sights/experience of the supernatural. So after having my first gran-mal seizure which was fun around the age of 16, at a place about an hour and half away from a hospital. Everything went well except for a hefty bill that took a years worth of two teachers salaries to pay off. I was home and getting myself to bed, as I crossed through the kitchen and living area to the bedroom. I saw to figures which were a black shadow look to them and no eyes. I dismissed it as I was not really caring at the time of the unknown and wanted sleep I am sure. Later on that year after seizing up and having a pretty bad scare of it too, I noticed on of them looking over my bed as I drifted back to sleep. Since then my seizing has improved a ton full where they are not serious to me and my health. If you need a label on them it is petty-mal to complex seizures. I wonder today though who or what those figures were, and if they are still here. Honestly, it is a bit troublesome now that my mind and heart is opened more so then before.

At the end though I do dismiss it as it is in the passed and not present. I look into the present to move on, because at time my mood, attitude and or energy will drop like a rock and the present positive things thoughts is what keeps me pushing. When “she” came into my life I was angry at myself for not being able to control my mood toward others and my anger. So I was whirlwind of emotional chaos sad one moment to anger the next. The doctor saw it as a side effect of one of two pills I take, so he put me on an anti-depressant. During my two weeks on it “she” visited me in a way that was nice for me and her. Days later though able to focus and think clearly I caught myself not being me, so I took myself of the anti-depressant. Lord did I feel myself think clear and I am able to control most of my feelings. I believe “she” is helping with that along with relaxation techniques which I am still looking into today. On that note thank you once again for sharing your thoughts on relaxation it is a help to be away from what I am constantly around which computers and machines. Instead out in nature where we originated.

The biggest thing that “she” has done though is break down a barrier of mine, which enables me to relax and let things just happen and I can hold my silence in peace. Now I believe we work on other barriers or walls metaphorically speaking so that “she” and I can work closer and smoother together.

I do apologize if this what you the reader was expecting, right now jotting these thoughts down is what I need to do and “she” agrees with that to act on your thoughts and needs. Which is to share as much as comfortably possible.

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

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