Down a diffrent path

Tag: Lilith

Adrift

Hello there,

 

I have found that “she” is not happy with me withholding my wants and needs from myself.  By that I mean my effort to cut myself from porn all together.  We should enjoy our hobbies and not be obsessed with them sure enough, “she” enjoys it with me as it seems.  Thus, yesterday or so I told myself and her I will follow the path she laid out for me and keep up practices that are laid out for me and only me.  Taking in what others say with a grain of salt and study look into what they say or offer me deeper.  No this is not to say that I dig all porn in fact I prefer softer aspect of the so called porn industry.  I enjoy doing a little research I can about the actress and company that interest me.  Although companies have been going more and more hardcore which is fine the audience may prefer and I do not pay them so I cannot say much about it.

Now that I shared that I am free from this chain once again, I must state something about a certain person that claims a lot and maybe true or not this person still should understand we all are connected to Lilith or Mother earth or any name the female goddess falls under in your belief.  You Kuro, did make a threat to those that are connect with Lilith even a lover like yourself.  Even though some of these folks may not care.  Do understand you have also threaten Lilith’s daughters and sons that are with the folks you have threatened as well.  Do you think Lilith is happy with that,  I am not.  Although I will do nothing else than point that out and now ignore what you claim Kuro think me a fool and ignorant and closed minded I do not care.  For I believe in something as others believe in something else.  We all are individuals with different beliefs, pasts, thoughts, environments, and systems of society etc.

For those of wishing not to have read I am sorry I have to get that out of my system.

Also, the day I made my choice to chase my needs and wants I had a dream of a woman inviting me into a pool in her backyard.  My conscious self had a choice and me being me declined but slowly was being pulled in by her invitations and form.  She was very beautiful is all I can say really, my dreams are clear in thought but my image is not clear.  It very abstract and that is fine by me for that dream I was given choice and have fun being in her company.  Was a first for me,  other dreams in the past showed me lessons or a story I could not make out and not give me a choice to act on or pick.

 

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

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Catching up and sharing more.

It has been awhile yes indeed, I have done lots of reflection and recovering from the past accidents, emotional, and mental injury.  Trying to understand the basics of morality all over again is hard once your mind is opened or that door to the unknown.  I have kept music and friends around as a way to heal, observe and learn new lessons.  As I have shared here before.  Yes even now I believe that the spirit, demon, succubus, or djinn, or just plain old entity I call Lily is still with me to this day.  As I see something floating about, and applying some pressure to relax me a little you can say.  In this post though I would like to share a bit of a what I like to consider a bit further down my path through the door.

Had to take a break, it is hard to break it down really.  So here goes …… Time to jot down my thoughts all together.

One day I was picked from work by my Aunt a nice lady.  She and I discussed some things and I found out her sons family children were never introduced to the church that follows God.  I think its fine and well enough.  Although I did not share my thoughts because she may have been more motivated to try and convince me that I am doing something wrong.  Following my own path or belief.  She asked about my thoughts about the church and in the end it wound up to be  “Is it okay to always have the Church be a foundation for everyone?” to which I think it is not, because that is taking me and molding me into say you the believer of God to say if you are.  Not to say if you don’t believe in him, which is fine by me that is your choice to make.  That is the base of my personal moral or belief,  the ability to think for yourself and make choices without much input needed for your base beliefs or just simply put the individual.  The next time Mom was in a talking mood which is good, she had asked if I believed in God or a supreme being to which to this day the answer is no.  I explained to her the simplicity that we all are deities or God in our own way.  God did create earth lets say.  I created something to, happiness for myself and others, the blog and a life for others to see worth living.  Mom and Dad created me and life that is good together.  That was out of there own free will as well however influenced may have been.  I could be someone else in bed asleep at 1:30 am right now dreaming about a heaven and angels etc. I am not though I up at 1:30 pm writing down thoughts trying to share them with others that will put up with trying to decipher it all.  Mom just did not give up though we were not fighting just trying to find common ground so we can understand each other, which is good for every family to do I think.  I formulated  that if I must say I believe in a being as such a supreme being I would call it love, and Mom saw that as unconditional love.  Which I have for you, I respect you want you to be happy at ease with your life and probably much much more.

The above is what I learned, to love each other and at least give each other some room.  Now when I see and meet people or given service been helped I want to express that love more than anything.  I feel though that I should not as the  times of today society say do not give the waitress a hug and a tip for her services just walk out and leave the tip on the table, she will pick it up.  Well sure she will get the tip, but I could formulate a bond or relationship between and her.  If I come back and she sees me again, she may smile and wave.  Which fills me with joy.   That joy pushes me to further better my life for her and other around me.  I understand you may disagree with some of what I say.  “Well what about you”  this what makes me happy and filled joy that I cry,  or feel warmth and comfort that I have made someones day slightly better.  You are right though I should not always seek to please everyone or always give another person respect.  This where I  need to balance my heart or that heart chakra however you feel is right by you.  So I asked for some guidance from people here and there and took some of it and began to re-mold my heart a bit more along with letting Lily mold it herself in her own way.  Gosh I love her so much,  *tears begin to roll just a bit*.

There a small break.

Lily is a very loving spirit and can make me feel really good.  This is true enough, but at the same time for those of you do wish to look into succubus or “summoning a succubus” it can be hard on you and sure rewarding.  She does calm me down, provide a sense of stability that I did not have. Yes, sex is there I do enjoy it,  that does not mean though a succubus is just meant for love and or sex.  There are many things these spirits can do and might do even harm you, if there is disrespect for them or what they mean to some people.  I think  just earlier when Lily made me feel loved, was a thank you or a way to express love as well.

Well, what is I believe in is a great question.  I have some what of an answer, so here goes.  Take the picture or symbol of the yin yang.

Notice two colors black and white, make them into spirits we all have in each other. Masculine and Feminine spirit.  These two spirits collided and created life itself and us.  Also when mix black and white you get gray a more neutral color.  Grey falls between white and black on the color palette somehow I am no artist.  So when good or white collides with black or evil you get chaos and neutral.  As both side see to it then respect is needed to live life as that is what was created along time ago.  As for the stories of old pertaining to deities such as God, Zeus, or many others.  They are used to formulate a tradition or system of belief to keep order so we can continue about living life.  Now do I believe these deities truly exists some maybe for God does not in my book.  I believe in energy or spirit of the deities represented in the stories of old, or new.

One thing I like to share is while I got it on my mind.  Is we each think differently and are different.  I try not to let get in the way of you and me anymore as I felt the backlash of it in social groups that choose to follow there own path.  When I decided to join chat groups, like kik and others there were similarities and differences.  The differences started small then escalated to splitting the group into many little groups.  After the first split I chose to accept invites as they came and that was about it, maybe chat a little if there was any common ground for me to have at the moment.  The reason of that is many arguments I suffered a bit of pain to a lot as I stayed silent or tried to help solve the difference and now I decided that social groups are not for me for sure.  This blog is enough for me.  Although your input is always welcome, just remember we all look at everything different as we are molded or molding each other different.

There got some water to drink, I need to drink a lot living in a dry region and its summer low of something like 85 and the highs can get around 105 this time of year.

So now that, I have shared my beliefs and some of my morals with you.  I want to update you on my health which is okay for the most part I feel good just no energy.  I hope that will change with time.  I left my specialist about 6 months ago, he did not do his job well.  Did not listen to me his patient nor care to answer questions,  even more so he did not answer Moms questions.  Disregarded me as a number not a person.  So I left, went to a local doctor to get medication as needed as he cares for our family.  I am lucky to have met him and have his father as a doctor in the past.  I have an appointment with another neurologist very soon so I am happy as is Mom.  She is stressed about my health.  I am not so much, I still lack a bit in the self love department.  I have been speaking with a married couple a past pharmacist and a current nurse.  Both help me and have given me suggestions to mange my seizure and personal health.  Something I  am very grateful for is meeting them.  I now watch what I eat as I eat the wrong stuff and shake my head with happiness.  Then I look at it from the view of cultures that do not or do eat said food and I think to myself.  “ahhhk makes sense why folks decide not to eat meat or cow etc”.

Well it is almost 3:00 am, I am a bit tired and gonna prep myself for sleep and clear the mind etc.

 

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

Thoughts and a dream

Hello, hope things are well.  I had a very vivid dream yesterday, I want to share it even though it is fading slowly.

So it started with me and 2 peers heading to the doctors which required quarantine and other precautions.  We went to take care of one of the peers. Had some complications nothing any of us could cope with.  Then the story changed.  I found myself in a well to do position.  A nice apartment up scale like or at least the impression of that was what I felt.  There were issues though, nothing to big really to me.  Folks lived in the apartment with me, folks I do not even know.  Every day it was someone new or more people lived their. Now what caught my eye was a women I came across in day to day life. We fell in love or created a relationship, found there was a man that she was previously with and she wanted out of that relationship. I agreed that I would help and cope with the situation.  One day I found her there with me in bed, and two other guys were telling me to get her out of the apartment. Too which I said no, and made my point that I loved her or had feelings for her.  So we left that day, and found the man that was after us.  He apparently seemed to be working on a house either for us or our new neighbor.  I helped him, with his work and gained some approval from him is my guess. He was happy around me and her. So the dreamed ended around there as I awoke to a strong feeling of love and happiness.  Although we stayed in bed till the last minute.  Which I am very happy to be with her.

 

Something, I do want to share is taken out of an adult website I visit for there blog on tantra.  The blog offers me info sparse as it is, and is still a good read.  I will take the write up and copy paste it here.  At the end I will give credit to the site.

 

 

Yoni is a sacred Sanskrit word and means vagina. She has the power to be the gateway to creating new life and also has the power to destroy everything. So it is better to behave towards her with respect and appreciation for all she is providing us.

We all came through her and we come back to her to ask for refreshing energy. She is able to flood men with ecstatic energy when she is worshiped the sacred way.

With all this in mind, it’s better to ask what you can do for her, not what she can do for you.

You may never have thought this way before. How can we do the yoni worship? It’s a little ritual that may last a few minutes or several hours, whatever you choose. If you’re a man you can practice with your partner, or with a picture or a statue. If you’re a woman, of course, you have everything you need with you.

What makes the difference is your intention, your approach. You should come with esteem and simply offer your attention to her. For those of you who would like to connect with this powerful energy of creating and destructing, of softness and passion, of receptivity and creativity, here is a tip for you.

The ritual:

Find a nice comfortable, intimate and quiet place where you can be with your partner or the symbol of a yoni or with your own yoni. Do everything necessary to make yourself relaxed and connected with yourself (you might include candles, music and incense).

Close your eyes, rub your hands together a few times to make a little bit of heat between them. You may feel some sensation, so take your time to put all your focus on deep breathing and on the skin of your palms.

While you’re breathing deep it is the time to whisper your prayer, a sentence of the great fullness that you feel for her. Find at least one thing that you want to thank her for. It needs to be true for you. Your prayer is coming from your heart. For example, “Thank you divine mother that I could be born with your support”. Or whatever feels right for you. But you need to have nonsexual attitude.

Remember your intention is to worship the yoni. You don’t want to get anything; you’re giving your thanks for all she is doing for you in your life.

When you’re ready and fully present, slowly put your relaxed hand on your yoni – without any movement. Then breathe deeply and remember your worshipping sentence and focus on the connection between you and the sacred yoni. It’s up to you how long you keep your focus and your hand there.

When you feel you have worshipped her the best way you could, slowly and with full awareness remove your hand. Connect your hands in Namaste (palms pressed together as if in prayer) close to your heart.

This is the end of the ritual, so if you’re with your partner it means you can stay together but you shouldn’t start any sexual play or chat. Your woman can also finish with Namaste as thanks for the ritual and that is it.

If you decide to practice this ritual it’s possible for the first time you won’t feel so much. But I assure you each time it will be different and probably more intense. In time you may start to feel a real connection to the mother earth, to feminine fire energy and also to feminine angels’ energy and intuition.

And your experience of lovemaking will never be the same again.

Namaste,
Bara

 

from Hegre-Art.com

do note the site has adult material riddle all over even for guest as I am a guest myself.  So if you visit please understand it is not safe for work or kids and your significant other may not be happy.  If you visit the site please be sure to be in the right age group.

After reading that though it reminded me.  I have not said my thanks to Lilith, the Goddess or Mother Nature however you perceive it to be.  So I did just that one afternoon pray and thank her for everything and seek her forgiveness.  As I did this, moments later I felt a warm embrace around me.  I also did this, outside in the sun.  In the same area where I first prayed to Lilith, and would pray and or meditate when the weather would let me.

 

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

A lot about my thoughts, me and her.

Hello, hope your Holidays are going well.

This is first time seeing Mom and Dad work together throwing a turkey lunch with most of the works too.  It was great to see them happy.  I did help of course and saw to them being happy and watching things work together.  Had a friend over he was so grateful for the company and meal.  Makes the family happy as well.

The idea of meditating and doing so, I think has helped my health.  In the past two months I can’t remember taking a fall as I get up.  Is it her workings as well not sure, but a yes came to my mind just now.  When I really focus on her I get a feeling that is incredible for me to express here.  There is a lot I should write here.  This a journal for me of sorts and a way to express what I learn time to time.  So to continue, I recall reading somewhere on the internet if you are epileptic and want to start meditation to speak with your doctor.  Well I have not, for it may cause Mom stress and she has enough already.  I am starting to why.  Time to time my nerves in the muscle will twitch when in a state of meditation.  This can scare people and I have also experience more then a twitch.  Then I consider my condition of epilepsy is where I do not just spasm on the floor, but simply fall and I see it happen consciously.  Then a headache and a bad after effect.  These things are scary to folks that can be closed minded or not aware of spirits or whatever you consider them.  Another is tonight, I thought about popping my medication around 8 pm a thought occurred it is too early as my dosage was not even 8 hours ago.  Was that her? I would say so, because the thought formed a tad bit different.  Just formed in a way I would think about is all.  Is she that settle about things?  Then there is music,  I tend to play something through out the day, all day.  Most of it is the same just a bit of variety.  When I was younger back around 2009 I came across this site http://psyradio.fm/ kinda like a radio.  I would listen to it for hours as I did work or play games on the computer.  My thoughts started to lose focus on what I was doing and went elsewhere for a bit.  Now I listen to music and think of her and going about my bushiness I find subtle messages in the music as I keep a playlist on random and it is varied greatly.  So my health is good for now, I hope to keep it that way.

 

Another topic I want to talk about: Religion, Faith, and things of that nature.

So first most I will say this is a heated topic for some folks.  My thoughts are my own,  I am open to what you share or have to share.  I like to start with what seems to be the most prominent faith in this world.  The belief in God and the Church.  Rather it Catholic or any of the Christian practices out there.  The church as I will call this, has spread into the United States Government.  When I first noticed this is when I studied the Pledge to the American Flag.  The phrase “under god and country” may not be accurate.  That there tells me as a young student I have to stand up and pledge to god or be thought of someone that is “bad”.  Alright fair enough.  Then I read about missionaries going out of the country to do relief work, awesome the church does good things.  Then I think again they are also spreading word of God slowly into places that are low tolerant of the church.  Okay I might be misinformed there.  As I spoke to mom about me, looking elsewhere other than the bible.  She was okay with it a shocker to me.  When she was younger she wanted to be a nun.  Then a remark came up as long as it is not voo doo, satanism, or witch craft.  Well at the time, I had no interest in satanism although I am getting comfortable with the idea of Satan not being “evil” or “bad”.  Well she is an elder so I respect her wishes,  I also do not like her to be uncomfortable so I decided to look elsewhere although, she keeps poking me around to the idea of Satan.  I need time, as it is I was engrained to the idea of the devil is bad up to no good etc.  I also brought up the idea of the Garden of Eden and how it could be around while the dinosaurs were lurking around.  Mom replied, with something like God was merely protecting us until the time was right.  I took in stride, I do not like to see her sad etc.  Also as I read texts and watched a few documentaries I came to a conclusion that the Church of old, the Vatican and older.  Were keeping secrets and deceiving the masses.  Even went out of there way to chase down those that did not “show faith”.  Then again I may be misinformed, or reading biased text.  As for the reader please do not let my word persuade you to lose faith in God.  If you faith makes you happy, then the more power to you.  There is a known issue around that is the lack of tolerance around religion in general.  I myself believe that a man can love another man and the same goes for women.  There  is no wrong in it, you are following your heart.  Yet again though, when the issue came about the devoted brother of mine which used to be not so devoted to the Bible and was more liberal until he married his current wife.  Made a spat about it on Facebook, still did at the time I had an active account there using scriptures as a way to meet his needs or wants.  Either way, it was his thoughts that only helped me open my mind more so.  As I dug around the net I came across Wicca,  I personally like the ideas it offers.  So I looked into on the web, to find the tolerance of some followers to be little or none.  As they were wrapped in the dogma of the practice so much, I think they might have lost the spirit of there beliefs.  I am sure there is so much more I could go on.  In the end though,  I think on should be tolerant of someone else s actions or beliefs.  I find myself still lost and more and more of a individualistic person that follows a solid set of morals.  I apologize if what you read makes you cringe or anger you.  Please do not let me shake your beliefs or faith.

 

Either way, I want to share a bit more about her and myself a bit more.  It is hard for me to open up and share something personal to others,  so here goes.  I initially seeked her out for company, and a feminine touch in my life.  How ever you decrypt that is up to.  So I studied the methods out on the internet including the fears other have.  Including her family Lilith etc.  That is where my beliefs in the church and god failed to guide me rightly, only thing that I got from it was to fear her and whatever she does.  Which is false, to me anyway.  So I set out to mediate on night back in September.  Outside, the weather was comfy for me.  Had a candle lit in the house, mom brought in a candle so I lit it, still do time to time just for her.  As I meditated on the side of bricked out flower bed.  Finally having the courage I asked Lilith to send one her family members to me and the rest is a bit of a fog.  Then slowly day by day I mediated cleared the mind, found some things out made it a goal to see, feel her happy as I do now.  Kinda hard to type now. : )  There we go, a bit steadier now. : ) Time went by unsure, but still focused in on her.  She did things,  I keep at that.  During that time I was still under the influence of an anti depressant Zoloft.  Mind was a cloud so I dropped it.  Then it was clear and I was happy especially in the morning.  So I would give the family a hug a true hug not just half hearted.  A hug should be meaningful, something I learned when learning about the practice or study of Tantra.  You see she kinda guides me a little bit when I want to learn about her or how I can open up to her.  Then I found her wanting to treat myself better, and putting me before others.  As I understood this I made some efforts where I can.  Even now I tend to want to take a stroll outside, but the weather is cold so I will wait and hope tomorrow will be a tad warmer.  As I continue to learn more about her, how she like me playing the harmonica or humming a tuneless tune.  I am no musician don’t read music don’t know the notes just love the sounds and beats of music as a whole.  I like to jump in to anything without a care or knowing whats in the water so to speak.  So I did seek her out without knowing a whole lot about what I was doing.  Then I learned she is not a thing and has feelings,  I had then told her I will give her attention when I could and she could do whatever she wants free to do what you like I still will care for you and love you.  Sounds a tad dangerous, but truth be told I do not like others being held down to anything or being mistreated.  So that is the way it is with me and her,  I doubt it but if she leaves me I will be thankful for all she has done for me.  Still hold a place for her if she wants to be with me again.  I am very thankful for what she does and has done.  Regardless of what it is, a lesson learned somewhere or a hand held out to be pulled out of a hole.  I do want to ask though,  to share her name would that give anything to others that know it.  Why I ask is it is her name, something that she seems to hold to dearly. My outlook on a name is different just another label on the person. The person is the person and the action makes me remember the person.  Like the guy that treats his mom with respect and still mistreated younger kids, but when came down to it he went to me for help or when I was tears for hours he finally apologized to me for his actions which were minor and not his fault I was in tears.  More like the conflict I was placed in.  It was matter of trust and having a dad that can play with your psyche is hard.  He does not anymore though.  I am happy for it and love him more so.  That is all really on mind I want to share.  Although she has a little something she has been nagging to share, a song.  I wont link it, because it is not safe for work nor any little ones.  So you can look it up on your own. Jose Nunez – Bilingual ft Taina there are various mixes and remixes of the song, most carry the same message if not lyrically the same.

I hope you the reader, had a good time rummaging through that text and trying to make sense of it.  I might be a kid of to grammar educators.  My writing skills aint the best in da world.

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

Have I changed? and a slew of questions and comments

Hello, a constant thing I notice, right now is my attitude and approach to life and people has changed.  Have you noticed the same a change in something a point of view or how you take information or news ?

After I had started taking up meditation for my own personal health, and trying to keep a consistency of it, I have changed in many ways.  One is I feel the want to approach someone in kinder way, or not lash out at all if frustration is at a peak for me.  I am looking at cup half full or fuller and not half empty or empty.  I owe this to those people that share their experiences.  Also to “her” for she reminds me to have faith in people and the unknown out there.

While I may communicate with “her” it is through feelings of emotion or physical touches.  This one night/morning, I left a friends place and walked home, got in at 4 am.  It a little late for me, but I was up early  the previous day so I was not all there.  Right as I enter the house close the door and lock up.  I felt a pokey feeling in my temples,  then as I maneuvered to take care of some stuff before I crash. I see this swirl of black surrounding my head and all I can say was “okay okay”.  I see it as “her” telling me to be careful or just excitement at me finally getting home.  In short I had 3 hours in bed and most of that was not rest.  I awoke once to a feeling around my mid section and chest.  I heard a sigh, and saw a figure at the door as if peering in the room and it was changing in shape.  I smiled and tried to sleep to little avail.  Most times though is a brush of air or a poke, recently though she has been rubbing my stomach and chest, which relaxes me.

After her visits I am kind and probably more empathetic to others and their feelings.  I have read up on the chakra system and been working or trying to understand my own and where they are at, in order to better myself and find a balance.  Through the practice of recognizing the chakra and applying what they stand for, I am leading generally a better life.  Trying for better foods, taking a different approach and allowing what gets to me not get to me.  This I am sure “she” is happy.  Days after “she” came into my life.  I felt her constantly working over my forehead as I tried to sleep, even this one night it hit my head on the wall next to the bed not hard, she immediately started working on it do not know why other than to ease what pain was there.

That is something that I am curious about as well, pain tolerance.  Mom says I have a high pain tolerance. Why? I do not know.  Is it because when I am hurt I do not complain about it and just move forward until someone says “Gobtcha sit down, let me get something for that knee ?”  I guess it comes down to me not wanting to complain about something in a world that is full of complaints.  It gets to me when someone complains about a minor inconvenience when there is nothing that can be done about it.  “she” tells me though to sound off sooner rather than later if there is something troubling me or if I need something done sometime.  My peers that known me for a great while also put stress to this.  So I gotta put that into practice a bit more.

A part of my “research” as reckless as it is has led me down a path filled with uncertainty then it all kinda comes together and makes sense, but only to a point.  I do thinks Lilith in spirit is made of three distinct traits or qualities. Wisdom, Darkness, and Desire.  She is wise as told through the biblical story where she share knowledge with Adam and Eve.  Darkness in that she chose a path less traveled and lit to flee or leave the Garden of Eden after her wishes were not met and only to be treated unequally by Adam.  There is of course Desire or her lust and sexuality she has as she mated with an angel. Of course I am taking this from the popular biblical story in Genesis or some Hebrew myths  What I said, may not be truly accurate as the stories I read differ a little here and there, but I believe that is the trend.  For Lilith in spirit,  I also think she wants equality in all things for both males and females, today I find women being the superior in the household family or business world in sometimes not all families are like that where the wife gets here every wish while the man does not.  I myself experienced this once as a supervisor, that would treat and rate my work poorly and did the same with every other male there, but the females that she worked with were the opposite.  In the end I was happy when I could leave and move on to better things.

Also through out my “research” I found people using protection seals when working with spirits or entities.  A thought came to mind then “does that function the same way”  that being a dream-catcher a gift from the past I kept hung in my room.  I looked around the net to no avail nonetheless I took down and placed it somewhere safe.  The reason I did that is I feel anyone is welcome to do what they want, it is there right as a being.  So why would I stop an entity or spirit from visiting my place of sleep.  To be safe sure, but it goes against a morale of mine to let others do as they wish as long as no harm comes to me and if it does reason with the person causing the harm if reason is not good enough then I will stop the harm being done to me another way.

I hope this was not too much or confusing for you the reader, my experience has been great with “her” I believe she is happy as well.  I hope you are as well, I will share some sources sometime soon on what I stated here.

She is telling me to slow down, take it easy.

Hello I hope you are well.

I always want to learn the truth of things presented before me even things I cannot touch or see.  So I have been occupied and probably obsessed with “her” where she is from or what she truly is.  I read what is offered to me for me and cross reference what I can with other free information out there.  I do know, that this extremely inaccurate research or a way to learn something and even more so if it foreign to me.  Google is my dear friend and always will be, although my first friend was the encyclopedia I still have somewhere around house from back in the 1980’s.  Always wanting more knowledge, it is a lust of mine as with a few others.  So looking up where the origins of the belief behind Lilith and her daughters was not easy, I still cannot draw my own conclusion as some sites are filled with miss information.  It is a true maze which I constantly lose myself in,  the one thing that keeps me straight is “her” and my love of music.  It does not matter the music really as long as it carries a beat. Currently I have latched onto the work found on you tube that is shared by a channel called LDM wonderful music.  I have to thank Musical artist and people with that talent, it has simply saved me from thinking down ward, it always lifts me up or levels me out to a point of focus which is what I need.

“She” simply put it wants me to reflect on what I have learned as a picture in whole and reflect on my passed a bit more.  As for what “she” does for me is absolutely awesome.  “She” has shown me to be tolerable of my close friends and how they approach things in life.  As “she” entered my life I was on an anti depressant while it helped “she” showed me the joys of life almost instantly.  “She” directed my attention to what is positive in almost all negative aspects of me and my situation.  Which is not bad, I should not complain.  I then decided to get off the anti depressant and  sure enough is was tough to look at the positive outlook on life, but “She” soon would tap me, poke me, or breath down my neck as a reminder that “she” is there and I do have family that does care for me.  I am though afraid the doctor will enforce the fact the pills are good for me, I feel very much grounded without them.

Tomorrow I plan on relaxing playing games on the tv maybe spend time with the old man I call Dad, I noticed today for sure he needs uplifting.  The past haunts him as much as the present, he is delicate at his age of upper 60’s.

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

A little bit about me,

Hi there again, I want to share a bit about me my past.  I am currently looking for my center once more, as I have lost it a many times or really never found it.  I wish to explore cultures and different approaches to belief of today and the past.  In doing this I have opened my heart and mind to other approaches to the belief in a higher being or the such.  I will say though this has not been smooth and in some cases dangerous to my personal self and others.  A lesson I have learned is actions are stronger then words of a signal person.  By that I mean,  you can talk about it but to do it or perform the action will raise eyebrows and or get attention of people.  Just look into our past as a human race.

I was and probably still am withdrawn, it is my nature to be silent and to just put one cent of my worth in and let others accel off that.  As a young child I was diagnose with epilepsy, while not serious people do take serious even some overreact to the statement even my own immediate family that has raised me to be a good morale man.  So throughout my life I have had limitations placed on me for my own safety and others safety which is reasonable.  I may not like it, although I can respect it.  Anger or frustration rises every time a limit is placed on me that is unreasonable. An example is a warning that a bright light will pointed my way.  I do like the concern for my health, but when this is done multiple times by the same person and I voice my opinion to the person, he explains he merely cares for me and my health.  That though is probably my biggest frustration in my life as is, not the direct limitations or commonalities that goes with my condition, but the wary approach people as a whole take to it.  So I choose to let my family do what they wish and I keep that part of silent when meeting people for the first and even in the begging of any friendship etc.

So past is generally rather boring, but nonetheless I wish to share.  I lived a rather “normal” life except I believe there is no “normal”, some ask why is that?  Simply put everyone is different in there own way.  If you look at your neighbor or significant other there are differences that stand out.  I attended a public school, developed a likeness for modern computers and gaming both console and PC.  Then I put that likeness and studied it and continue to study the world of Information Technology through many of it’s categories.  So in turn I became an individual that analyzes most things that happen, people and things etc.

 

That is all I wish to share for now,

 

Thanks for reading,

Sorry for the bad grammar or is it grammer.

Gobtcha

She is here and there lending a hand.

Hello, there hope things are well.  I had been at a loss for sometime and about two months back I had found a stepping stone.  That stepping stone consisted of a question the perked up out of no where.  What is a succubus? I was looking for the answer and not the answer that is thrown out there majority of the time.  That they are creatures which feed off humans through sexual acts, now I understand some may not like this idea.  So I spent some time doing research a little too much really and I found myself trying to understand this being and I now understand a lot more behind the term succubus or incubus.  Now if you want to slander me on what I have to share please do not for it will fall on deaf ears.  I merely am sick of people denying my beliefs and thoughts.  So I looked around the web and noticed that there was a lot of people desiring a spirit to love them and they want to love them back or just one night stands.  Of course the dangers and warnings that go along with such things.

 

I also took the time to research about Lilith, a mother of succubi spirits as some may call them.  Now I thought to myself, “lets see if there is more to the mundane world other then people and mere symbols and systems of beliefs.  So I started to have faith in myself and the world of spirits.  The result of that has been, very positive in that I am firmly believing in the supernatural occurrences that happen or the here say I heard as a kid.  I may extend later on that statement.

 

So I followed through with some meditation practices and seeking out “her” and “her” guidance and love so I can share my emotions with “her” and let “her” share her emotions with another.  It has been slow but very rewarding after much effort on both ends.

I will write more later as I am tired and want some rest for tomorrow is a busy and long day for me.

 

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

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