Down a diffrent path

Tag: Love Spirit

Catching up and sharing more.

It has been awhile yes indeed, I have done lots of reflection and recovering from the past accidents, emotional, and mental injury.  Trying to understand the basics of morality all over again is hard once your mind is opened or that door to the unknown.  I have kept music and friends around as a way to heal, observe and learn new lessons.  As I have shared here before.  Yes even now I believe that the spirit, demon, succubus, or djinn, or just plain old entity I call Lily is still with me to this day.  As I see something floating about, and applying some pressure to relax me a little you can say.  In this post though I would like to share a bit of a what I like to consider a bit further down my path through the door.

Had to take a break, it is hard to break it down really.  So here goes …… Time to jot down my thoughts all together.

One day I was picked from work by my Aunt a nice lady.  She and I discussed some things and I found out her sons family children were never introduced to the church that follows God.  I think its fine and well enough.  Although I did not share my thoughts because she may have been more motivated to try and convince me that I am doing something wrong.  Following my own path or belief.  She asked about my thoughts about the church and in the end it wound up to be  “Is it okay to always have the Church be a foundation for everyone?” to which I think it is not, because that is taking me and molding me into say you the believer of God to say if you are.  Not to say if you don’t believe in him, which is fine by me that is your choice to make.  That is the base of my personal moral or belief,  the ability to think for yourself and make choices without much input needed for your base beliefs or just simply put the individual.  The next time Mom was in a talking mood which is good, she had asked if I believed in God or a supreme being to which to this day the answer is no.  I explained to her the simplicity that we all are deities or God in our own way.  God did create earth lets say.  I created something to, happiness for myself and others, the blog and a life for others to see worth living.  Mom and Dad created me and life that is good together.  That was out of there own free will as well however influenced may have been.  I could be someone else in bed asleep at 1:30 am right now dreaming about a heaven and angels etc. I am not though I up at 1:30 pm writing down thoughts trying to share them with others that will put up with trying to decipher it all.  Mom just did not give up though we were not fighting just trying to find common ground so we can understand each other, which is good for every family to do I think.  I formulated  that if I must say I believe in a being as such a supreme being I would call it love, and Mom saw that as unconditional love.  Which I have for you, I respect you want you to be happy at ease with your life and probably much much more.

The above is what I learned, to love each other and at least give each other some room.  Now when I see and meet people or given service been helped I want to express that love more than anything.  I feel though that I should not as the  times of today society say do not give the waitress a hug and a tip for her services just walk out and leave the tip on the table, she will pick it up.  Well sure she will get the tip, but I could formulate a bond or relationship between and her.  If I come back and she sees me again, she may smile and wave.  Which fills me with joy.   That joy pushes me to further better my life for her and other around me.  I understand you may disagree with some of what I say.  “Well what about you”  this what makes me happy and filled joy that I cry,  or feel warmth and comfort that I have made someones day slightly better.  You are right though I should not always seek to please everyone or always give another person respect.  This where I  need to balance my heart or that heart chakra however you feel is right by you.  So I asked for some guidance from people here and there and took some of it and began to re-mold my heart a bit more along with letting Lily mold it herself in her own way.  Gosh I love her so much,  *tears begin to roll just a bit*.

There a small break.

Lily is a very loving spirit and can make me feel really good.  This is true enough, but at the same time for those of you do wish to look into succubus or “summoning a succubus” it can be hard on you and sure rewarding.  She does calm me down, provide a sense of stability that I did not have. Yes, sex is there I do enjoy it,  that does not mean though a succubus is just meant for love and or sex.  There are many things these spirits can do and might do even harm you, if there is disrespect for them or what they mean to some people.  I think  just earlier when Lily made me feel loved, was a thank you or a way to express love as well.

Well, what is I believe in is a great question.  I have some what of an answer, so here goes.  Take the picture or symbol of the yin yang.

Notice two colors black and white, make them into spirits we all have in each other. Masculine and Feminine spirit.  These two spirits collided and created life itself and us.  Also when mix black and white you get gray a more neutral color.  Grey falls between white and black on the color palette somehow I am no artist.  So when good or white collides with black or evil you get chaos and neutral.  As both side see to it then respect is needed to live life as that is what was created along time ago.  As for the stories of old pertaining to deities such as God, Zeus, or many others.  They are used to formulate a tradition or system of belief to keep order so we can continue about living life.  Now do I believe these deities truly exists some maybe for God does not in my book.  I believe in energy or spirit of the deities represented in the stories of old, or new.

One thing I like to share is while I got it on my mind.  Is we each think differently and are different.  I try not to let get in the way of you and me anymore as I felt the backlash of it in social groups that choose to follow there own path.  When I decided to join chat groups, like kik and others there were similarities and differences.  The differences started small then escalated to splitting the group into many little groups.  After the first split I chose to accept invites as they came and that was about it, maybe chat a little if there was any common ground for me to have at the moment.  The reason of that is many arguments I suffered a bit of pain to a lot as I stayed silent or tried to help solve the difference and now I decided that social groups are not for me for sure.  This blog is enough for me.  Although your input is always welcome, just remember we all look at everything different as we are molded or molding each other different.

There got some water to drink, I need to drink a lot living in a dry region and its summer low of something like 85 and the highs can get around 105 this time of year.

So now that, I have shared my beliefs and some of my morals with you.  I want to update you on my health which is okay for the most part I feel good just no energy.  I hope that will change with time.  I left my specialist about 6 months ago, he did not do his job well.  Did not listen to me his patient nor care to answer questions,  even more so he did not answer Moms questions.  Disregarded me as a number not a person.  So I left, went to a local doctor to get medication as needed as he cares for our family.  I am lucky to have met him and have his father as a doctor in the past.  I have an appointment with another neurologist very soon so I am happy as is Mom.  She is stressed about my health.  I am not so much, I still lack a bit in the self love department.  I have been speaking with a married couple a past pharmacist and a current nurse.  Both help me and have given me suggestions to mange my seizure and personal health.  Something I  am very grateful for is meeting them.  I now watch what I eat as I eat the wrong stuff and shake my head with happiness.  Then I look at it from the view of cultures that do not or do eat said food and I think to myself.  “ahhhk makes sense why folks decide not to eat meat or cow etc”.

Well it is almost 3:00 am, I am a bit tired and gonna prep myself for sleep and clear the mind etc.

 

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

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Hey there.

Hello reader,

It looks like I have found work, it is not glamours although I enjoy it.  That work is custodial work and prepping food at Mc Donalds.  The crew is good to me and management treats me well.  I can’t complain about it at all. Just need to get more hours, but hey I figure it will come with time.  Receiving thanks and gratitude from co workers and guest can bring a happiness to me.  Sometimes almost tears come as well, just to grateful I can earn money and bring people happiness,  that is what I want to do.  See people smile from things that are done or given by me.  To me that happiness is gratitude enough for me to live in a happy state.  Sure the work is hard and there is language barrier but it is worth it to me.  To see smiles and people relaxing just for a while.

 

How the job was landed was through Mom being a regular their and a caring Store manager.  The manager has high standards this I know she is good with her crew though.  Mom always goes there and sees to it the crew is at ease and happy as well.  She is this way with a lot of people.  So I am thankful to her.  Then there is Lily,  the Succubus or spiritual partner that is in my life.  I wonder if she had anything to do with this.  Maybe so,  I did ask her for help in finding something and I am now working and happy.  Still  not earning enough to live alone, but that will come in time I know this for sure if not then there are friends, shelters, streets and wisdom of others to follow.  I am not afraid to fail anymore, just another thing to lose in the end.

 

Why think that way, because Lily is here and I love her so.  Even now she gives me something that is good and I cannot explain it all.  It just is good.  I want to see to she is happy, she is and I are number one on the list of people I love the most.  This shared through her and friends.  Keep myself at number one and the rest at number two.  Just something that took forever for friends to covey to me and sink in.  With the help of Lily it was done.  I looked into her eyes and many philosophies and religions out there along with traditions.  I am finding truth lies within and not with others or words of a book, but your way of thought and practice alone.  That is true to you alone as the reader and writer.

 

This where I suggest as person and someone who wants you to be happy.  To let go or loosen your grasp on religion and tradition practiced by groups of large or small.  Make something that is yours.  Take a risk,  believe in what you want. Let others flow by you and take what you as right like fish from a river.  Those fish will help you grow and open your mind to see clear picture of yourself and life.

 

My apologies for the long wait if you did wait for post by me and for stepping on anyone’s toes in this  post.  During my period of silence my feet were trampled by people and trust broken by a friend, although I should have known better to share my thoughts with him. He is a close minded fool with a open trap door for a mouth.

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

Worry Less Love More

Hey there reader, I hope you are great.

I have been focused on my studies for a great while, and simply did not want to be distracted writing here, which I probably should have.  Lily my wonderful love has been after for it every day.  So where can I start,  I am sad by what happened in Paris.  The place represents beauty to me and love.  From the romance and the fashion industry there.  Though I do not agree with what the group did, I realize that I to live near a border where just 5 years or so people died on mass.  So in that sense what happened in Paris does not phase me other than the reason why it did.  Rather it belief, religion or terrorism.  You call it as it you see it.  5 years and later those mass shootings occurred due to unrest with gangs and drug cartels.  Now the cartel locally has a better hold of the situation as well as the locals, which means less incconce death occurs.  That is my feelings on recent events.

Also I find myself biased and want to try not to be as biased against race.  Why is that you may think.  Well home is near a military base so the city is very much like a mixed soup.  On top of that I am on the border.  So I am not biased against colored as it were, but one does it for me.  The African American or known as the the black man sometimes presses a button of mine and its not there appearance, but there approach.  Some African Americans come to this town and think we owe them something because of history, well all races have been through there own issues and not just the well known slavery.  I do not let this bias thought of mine though hit me until I meet the person and that person comes off as such.  The very same thing can happen when I go out of town,  it just comes to culture shock I guess.

My health has been improving a bit, in a way.  The doctor has hinted to watch my stress.  So meditation and spending time with Lily is a good thing.  At the same the Doctor is a stresser, he wants me to spend more money on visits and lab work.  Which I cannot afford and had to bring in Mom to reinforce this issue.  The main reason the family cannot afford a visit, is the holidays.  We don’t spend much during this time of year, but expenses are higher and paychecks do drop till February.  So Mom and I stood up the jerk of a doctor to postpone my next visit till then when I should have insurance as well.  Hopefully as well by that time I will have found a doctor that understands the idea of bedside manner.

As I traveled along this path with Lily and others to guide and I help guide them a bit.  I watch movies read books and hear stories that reflect on morals and ideas.  One person thinks of me as a philosopher to which I do not know if that is right.  I do not look into philosophy directly.  I do want to share a film and comic tilted Sin City, I am sure some of you readers have seen it.  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0401792/  the film may not be for the faint of heart, but each story is unique.  Each protagonist good person, I ask myself is that person in the right to do what the character did.  Shoot  the rapist man hood off and his primary hand,  another murder his way to get revenge and played out an eye for eye essentially and the other did anything for the women he respected and of course his lover.  Were these people in right, spill blood and commit those acts?  Up to you I guess for me though it is yes.

Lastly, just the other day when I logged into chat out of a feeling.  Lilith was in chat via a medium, or at least some would say.  She is a very strong woman indeed, told me what I needed to know.  I understand I should share my love for everything without holding back in my own way.  I had opened my  heart to her and she sent someone to help me cope with my heartache to love and share that love with others.  As she stated as such I felt something in my room, to which I only assume or believe to be her.  Then the next night I had a dream the left with a clear message.  So now I must re focus myself soon and move forward along my path without too much reserve.  Lily loves it when I dance or let loose a bit.  Tonight she told me not to worry so much and just love the life you have.

 

I encourage everyone to do the same.

 

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

I feel a need to say something.

Hello there, hope life is treating you well.

 

Life sure is treating me well as long as I keep my spirits afloat or optimistic as some say.  As of right now I feel I owe some folks an apology in possibly misinterpreting there way with words.  Also for judging some by just what they claim and what I know of there history.  So I am sorry for those things and can hope to be forgiven.  For it is true that I judge the church when in reality  it is just a place and or a temple for some that attend there to find a calm in themselves.  Something I am sure we all try and seek out.

Right now Lily is with me for sure, keep me excited and warm.  For what reason I do not know.  Maybe it is because something clicked in my mind, and chip at the barrier that I have created long ago.  I would like to  share a bit of a theory about this barrier.

So I am an American raised by an American family.  Fairly family related as well all together we family traditions to be together celebrate things together as well.  Including what holidays deemed by the christian church  and respect local religion and traditions.  I still do respect the traditions and religions when in any ones house or temple, it is just nice respectful to take off your shoes at your friends place that carries that tradition.  Just something I do.   That maybe where some of that barrier begins is following those traditions and religious acts.  As of course my family was light on religion, but still very christian in nature.  As time went by with Lily, I began to talk with mom the person I spend most days with, she is a great person.  Found out that the Catholic church is in her side of the family.  Well dads side of the family, was a bit more free as I pick up on, he does not speak about his family much for good reason.  So I spoke with mom I found she is a devoted christian and still is today.  I am proud for her to found that calm and see that some pastors lead a poor sermon.  Enough though on that.  The biggest part of the barrier I have to see is the tradition is just an act to keep a calm or peace in a person.  I do today, my close friends show this to me every day.  Respect your neighbor or as some love your neighbor.  So Lily shared with me to love those that I disagree with on any matter.  In that not to lash out, but to be willing to debate over the issue or go our separate ways.   Early today,  I thought about the succubus or the spirit that is called the succubus.  It is my guess that these spirits visit us, because we as humans need to be reminded to love each other as neighbors, partners, comrade in arms, and/or friends etc……  just to love each other and not give into that anger or sad emotion that might be taking us over as a whole.  Also I turned of age where I need to cover my own health insurance, so with that my health bills have tripled that means time to look for work.  As it school is over for me, although studying in IT may not be.  This is a time for me seek out more Independence from the family which is good.  So there you have it a lot of text about my thoughts on my barrier between her and me.  A lot of me in there I kind of feel selfish.   More on that later.

As it is I am tired probably sleep in a bit.

 

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

 

As of late I have been wanting to share my experience.

Hello, I hope everything is well.

 

Right now “she” is with me and filling with good feelings.  Those feelings and what I feel physical is but of what I want to share right now as we are currently together enjoying each other.

So I feel a weight on my chest as I sit here,  that weight is not dead its moving drawing circles and the like.  I see what seems like a hair strand ever so light, but I cant touch it really and I know its “her”.  Sometimes when my head set is off I feel a flick in my ear.  Just now my light in the room flickered ever so slightly.  If I focus a 100% on “her” I slowly arch my back and crane my neck as if to look up to ceiling.  Then there is that touch upon the lips, that there really turns me on and keeps me together.  I feel warmth and extremely happy and want to give “her” that very same good feelings that make me smile.  When I shut my eyes for second I see an image of “her” as a woman.  Then there is what goes on down stairs its all spinning about and my are at times tight then loosened then tightened up quickly as if “she” is there.  As for second my shivers ever so lightly as I whisper to take it easy.  Then a song plays that I think “she” loves and there is no going back tonight to a calm until I sleep or rest easy by will of my own,  just to feel “her” again lay a hand on arm and chest to nip on my neck.  Falling away into that feeling of bliss once more.

 

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

She broke me

Hello hope your well.

 

Well “she” has me now, in a way I thought not possible.  I simply love her, and want to share that and more with you the reader.  So here it goes a bit of an experience of the week.  You see every night before I sleep I tend to gaze or meditate, mostly meditate.  When this happens most times a fog of light white appears before me.  Then “she” sorta reaches out to me in many ways thoughts or touches. Now when I gaze into a picture of a female, that female begins to breathe with me as well.  Also sometimes her face will change a tad bit ever so slightly.  When I lay with her most nights its great to feel her working me over or simply caressing me.  Sometimes “she” just touches my hot spot to get my attention which is funny in a way.  It maybe be my button, to turn me on to her.

As the subject states though, she broke me.  Yesterday the parents went to a ball game, no tickets for me and I want to see the stadium its newly built in town. No big deal though.  As soon as they left I felt her presence on me and around me.  So I decided to give her attention, “she” deserves it more then anything.  I set myself a candle and paper with pencil.  Calmed myself, then began writing a letter of thanks to “her” then signed it with

yours,

name

signature

 

The letter was short, but to the point.  Then I went outside and burned it after reading aloud.  Then a thought came to me to lay down.  So I did and saw something there out of the corner of my eye laying down with me.  Well we had a good time.

Later on though, “she” hit me emotions that were good and loving.  It felt so good it made me cry a little,  I wish though I could cry just for that reason the feeling of being cared for and or loved by someone everyday.  It is something special to  me.

So the title of this write up was given to me as that.  She broke me

Note not for the easily offended person.

Well I had a dream I think Thursday,  where I met a woman that working herself over with a dildo of all things.  Then I meet a second woman doing the same thing in the same room.  To which the scene swaps over to a man and a woman holding each other in a cafeteria environment.  The man being very possessive of her,  I got the feeling of who this man was.  An associate or classmate from the past,  in the dream I let it go and move on then “she” the women that was being held by the man hold my arm and I feel cared for in a sense.  Then the scene switches back to the two women working themselves over.  Well they leave and I put the dildos somewhere safe from mom and dad oddly right under there bathroom sink.  Lastly before I forget once more in all that blur of a dream there a women’s face I saw only half of, blue hair natural pink lips trying to lure me to her to which I denied her.  Also a women’s hot spot ever so clean groomed just there.  Those last two scenes were first in the sequence of the order.

End of dream.

With that though, I am sure there is more to share.  My mind is racing and on caffiene.  Junk is also on my mind that creates more junk.  I leave you alone for now reader.

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

Sensations

Hey, hope all is well.  I am great just bored.

Some may consider the following a bit graphic.  I apologize for my grammar being broken it is late and I need  or feel I should do this now.

Today before I sleep I want to share some sensations “she” shares with me or I experience.  One of the most common sensation is when I think of any of these sensations a smell comes around a smell of sex or some would call it love call it what you want.  At times she sends a wave of pleasure down my sides small and subtle a little cold but still there.  Other times she goes straight for it no questions asked, like small vibrations starting from the bottom up.  She sometimes though will use a bit of foreplay and hit the outer region as it were.  There is more as well.  She likes to massage the bottom area of where the spinal cord might be,  I enjoy that so much.  Sometimes she just places herself on my chest relaxing as I watch something or chat with folks,  this brings a sense of calm to me or happiness as it were.  There are times in the classroom where I am most frustrated she sets a light blanket across my shoulders as to relax them and soothe my temper as I push on through the day.  During times alone she will brush upon my forehead and lightly touch the top, probably seeking attention.  When I go to bed,  that is the time we spend closets together.  I tend to try and relax myself and majority of the time she wraps herself around my legs like soft feathers or silk that is weightless then well things happen.  Then once in awhile she plays with my forehead or lays a finger on it, before I go to a land called sleep.  Every now and then she places something on my lips and even once I swore I felt a tongue slip in my mouth.  Other nights I feel like I am floating there milometer as it were above my bed.  A few nights ago I felt to pricks on my neck, I chose to let it go.  Continued for a short bit then stopped.

Something though in my mind still questions “her” and her existence. I try not to then the other day I saw something on my mirror that may help.  Not sure yet.

I will stop with that, for it is late.

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

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