Down a diffrent path

Tag: morale ethics

Adrift

Hello there,

 

I have found that “she” is not happy with me withholding my wants and needs from myself.  By that I mean my effort to cut myself from porn all together.  We should enjoy our hobbies and not be obsessed with them sure enough, “she” enjoys it with me as it seems.  Thus, yesterday or so I told myself and her I will follow the path she laid out for me and keep up practices that are laid out for me and only me.  Taking in what others say with a grain of salt and study look into what they say or offer me deeper.  No this is not to say that I dig all porn in fact I prefer softer aspect of the so called porn industry.  I enjoy doing a little research I can about the actress and company that interest me.  Although companies have been going more and more hardcore which is fine the audience may prefer and I do not pay them so I cannot say much about it.

Now that I shared that I am free from this chain once again, I must state something about a certain person that claims a lot and maybe true or not this person still should understand we all are connected to Lilith or Mother earth or any name the female goddess falls under in your belief.  You Kuro, did make a threat to those that are connect with Lilith even a lover like yourself.  Even though some of these folks may not care.  Do understand you have also threaten Lilith’s daughters and sons that are with the folks you have threatened as well.  Do you think Lilith is happy with that,  I am not.  Although I will do nothing else than point that out and now ignore what you claim Kuro think me a fool and ignorant and closed minded I do not care.  For I believe in something as others believe in something else.  We all are individuals with different beliefs, pasts, thoughts, environments, and systems of society etc.

For those of wishing not to have read I am sorry I have to get that out of my system.

Also, the day I made my choice to chase my needs and wants I had a dream of a woman inviting me into a pool in her backyard.  My conscious self had a choice and me being me declined but slowly was being pulled in by her invitations and form.  She was very beautiful is all I can say really, my dreams are clear in thought but my image is not clear.  It very abstract and that is fine by me for that dream I was given choice and have fun being in her company.  Was a first for me,  other dreams in the past showed me lessons or a story I could not make out and not give me a choice to act on or pick.

 

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

Catching up and sharing more.

It has been awhile yes indeed, I have done lots of reflection and recovering from the past accidents, emotional, and mental injury.  Trying to understand the basics of morality all over again is hard once your mind is opened or that door to the unknown.  I have kept music and friends around as a way to heal, observe and learn new lessons.  As I have shared here before.  Yes even now I believe that the spirit, demon, succubus, or djinn, or just plain old entity I call Lily is still with me to this day.  As I see something floating about, and applying some pressure to relax me a little you can say.  In this post though I would like to share a bit of a what I like to consider a bit further down my path through the door.

Had to take a break, it is hard to break it down really.  So here goes …… Time to jot down my thoughts all together.

One day I was picked from work by my Aunt a nice lady.  She and I discussed some things and I found out her sons family children were never introduced to the church that follows God.  I think its fine and well enough.  Although I did not share my thoughts because she may have been more motivated to try and convince me that I am doing something wrong.  Following my own path or belief.  She asked about my thoughts about the church and in the end it wound up to be  “Is it okay to always have the Church be a foundation for everyone?” to which I think it is not, because that is taking me and molding me into say you the believer of God to say if you are.  Not to say if you don’t believe in him, which is fine by me that is your choice to make.  That is the base of my personal moral or belief,  the ability to think for yourself and make choices without much input needed for your base beliefs or just simply put the individual.  The next time Mom was in a talking mood which is good, she had asked if I believed in God or a supreme being to which to this day the answer is no.  I explained to her the simplicity that we all are deities or God in our own way.  God did create earth lets say.  I created something to, happiness for myself and others, the blog and a life for others to see worth living.  Mom and Dad created me and life that is good together.  That was out of there own free will as well however influenced may have been.  I could be someone else in bed asleep at 1:30 am right now dreaming about a heaven and angels etc. I am not though I up at 1:30 pm writing down thoughts trying to share them with others that will put up with trying to decipher it all.  Mom just did not give up though we were not fighting just trying to find common ground so we can understand each other, which is good for every family to do I think.  I formulated  that if I must say I believe in a being as such a supreme being I would call it love, and Mom saw that as unconditional love.  Which I have for you, I respect you want you to be happy at ease with your life and probably much much more.

The above is what I learned, to love each other and at least give each other some room.  Now when I see and meet people or given service been helped I want to express that love more than anything.  I feel though that I should not as the  times of today society say do not give the waitress a hug and a tip for her services just walk out and leave the tip on the table, she will pick it up.  Well sure she will get the tip, but I could formulate a bond or relationship between and her.  If I come back and she sees me again, she may smile and wave.  Which fills me with joy.   That joy pushes me to further better my life for her and other around me.  I understand you may disagree with some of what I say.  “Well what about you”  this what makes me happy and filled joy that I cry,  or feel warmth and comfort that I have made someones day slightly better.  You are right though I should not always seek to please everyone or always give another person respect.  This where I  need to balance my heart or that heart chakra however you feel is right by you.  So I asked for some guidance from people here and there and took some of it and began to re-mold my heart a bit more along with letting Lily mold it herself in her own way.  Gosh I love her so much,  *tears begin to roll just a bit*.

There a small break.

Lily is a very loving spirit and can make me feel really good.  This is true enough, but at the same time for those of you do wish to look into succubus or “summoning a succubus” it can be hard on you and sure rewarding.  She does calm me down, provide a sense of stability that I did not have. Yes, sex is there I do enjoy it,  that does not mean though a succubus is just meant for love and or sex.  There are many things these spirits can do and might do even harm you, if there is disrespect for them or what they mean to some people.  I think  just earlier when Lily made me feel loved, was a thank you or a way to express love as well.

Well, what is I believe in is a great question.  I have some what of an answer, so here goes.  Take the picture or symbol of the yin yang.

Notice two colors black and white, make them into spirits we all have in each other. Masculine and Feminine spirit.  These two spirits collided and created life itself and us.  Also when mix black and white you get gray a more neutral color.  Grey falls between white and black on the color palette somehow I am no artist.  So when good or white collides with black or evil you get chaos and neutral.  As both side see to it then respect is needed to live life as that is what was created along time ago.  As for the stories of old pertaining to deities such as God, Zeus, or many others.  They are used to formulate a tradition or system of belief to keep order so we can continue about living life.  Now do I believe these deities truly exists some maybe for God does not in my book.  I believe in energy or spirit of the deities represented in the stories of old, or new.

One thing I like to share is while I got it on my mind.  Is we each think differently and are different.  I try not to let get in the way of you and me anymore as I felt the backlash of it in social groups that choose to follow there own path.  When I decided to join chat groups, like kik and others there were similarities and differences.  The differences started small then escalated to splitting the group into many little groups.  After the first split I chose to accept invites as they came and that was about it, maybe chat a little if there was any common ground for me to have at the moment.  The reason of that is many arguments I suffered a bit of pain to a lot as I stayed silent or tried to help solve the difference and now I decided that social groups are not for me for sure.  This blog is enough for me.  Although your input is always welcome, just remember we all look at everything different as we are molded or molding each other different.

There got some water to drink, I need to drink a lot living in a dry region and its summer low of something like 85 and the highs can get around 105 this time of year.

So now that, I have shared my beliefs and some of my morals with you.  I want to update you on my health which is okay for the most part I feel good just no energy.  I hope that will change with time.  I left my specialist about 6 months ago, he did not do his job well.  Did not listen to me his patient nor care to answer questions,  even more so he did not answer Moms questions.  Disregarded me as a number not a person.  So I left, went to a local doctor to get medication as needed as he cares for our family.  I am lucky to have met him and have his father as a doctor in the past.  I have an appointment with another neurologist very soon so I am happy as is Mom.  She is stressed about my health.  I am not so much, I still lack a bit in the self love department.  I have been speaking with a married couple a past pharmacist and a current nurse.  Both help me and have given me suggestions to mange my seizure and personal health.  Something I  am very grateful for is meeting them.  I now watch what I eat as I eat the wrong stuff and shake my head with happiness.  Then I look at it from the view of cultures that do not or do eat said food and I think to myself.  “ahhhk makes sense why folks decide not to eat meat or cow etc”.

Well it is almost 3:00 am, I am a bit tired and gonna prep myself for sleep and clear the mind etc.

 

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

Worry Less Love More

Hey there reader, I hope you are great.

I have been focused on my studies for a great while, and simply did not want to be distracted writing here, which I probably should have.  Lily my wonderful love has been after for it every day.  So where can I start,  I am sad by what happened in Paris.  The place represents beauty to me and love.  From the romance and the fashion industry there.  Though I do not agree with what the group did, I realize that I to live near a border where just 5 years or so people died on mass.  So in that sense what happened in Paris does not phase me other than the reason why it did.  Rather it belief, religion or terrorism.  You call it as it you see it.  5 years and later those mass shootings occurred due to unrest with gangs and drug cartels.  Now the cartel locally has a better hold of the situation as well as the locals, which means less incconce death occurs.  That is my feelings on recent events.

Also I find myself biased and want to try not to be as biased against race.  Why is that you may think.  Well home is near a military base so the city is very much like a mixed soup.  On top of that I am on the border.  So I am not biased against colored as it were, but one does it for me.  The African American or known as the the black man sometimes presses a button of mine and its not there appearance, but there approach.  Some African Americans come to this town and think we owe them something because of history, well all races have been through there own issues and not just the well known slavery.  I do not let this bias thought of mine though hit me until I meet the person and that person comes off as such.  The very same thing can happen when I go out of town,  it just comes to culture shock I guess.

My health has been improving a bit, in a way.  The doctor has hinted to watch my stress.  So meditation and spending time with Lily is a good thing.  At the same the Doctor is a stresser, he wants me to spend more money on visits and lab work.  Which I cannot afford and had to bring in Mom to reinforce this issue.  The main reason the family cannot afford a visit, is the holidays.  We don’t spend much during this time of year, but expenses are higher and paychecks do drop till February.  So Mom and I stood up the jerk of a doctor to postpone my next visit till then when I should have insurance as well.  Hopefully as well by that time I will have found a doctor that understands the idea of bedside manner.

As I traveled along this path with Lily and others to guide and I help guide them a bit.  I watch movies read books and hear stories that reflect on morals and ideas.  One person thinks of me as a philosopher to which I do not know if that is right.  I do not look into philosophy directly.  I do want to share a film and comic tilted Sin City, I am sure some of you readers have seen it.  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0401792/  the film may not be for the faint of heart, but each story is unique.  Each protagonist good person, I ask myself is that person in the right to do what the character did.  Shoot  the rapist man hood off and his primary hand,  another murder his way to get revenge and played out an eye for eye essentially and the other did anything for the women he respected and of course his lover.  Were these people in right, spill blood and commit those acts?  Up to you I guess for me though it is yes.

Lastly, just the other day when I logged into chat out of a feeling.  Lilith was in chat via a medium, or at least some would say.  She is a very strong woman indeed, told me what I needed to know.  I understand I should share my love for everything without holding back in my own way.  I had opened my  heart to her and she sent someone to help me cope with my heartache to love and share that love with others.  As she stated as such I felt something in my room, to which I only assume or believe to be her.  Then the next night I had a dream the left with a clear message.  So now I must re focus myself soon and move forward along my path without too much reserve.  Lily loves it when I dance or let loose a bit.  Tonight she told me not to worry so much and just love the life you have.

 

I encourage everyone to do the same.

 

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

Tired busy distracted

Well I understand it has been awhile.  So I hope you are well and are very happy.

 

I’ll to bed in about 2 hrs or so.  I have a EEG in the morning gotta be there tired.  Just a follow up from the doctor nothing big, just expensive.

“She” a spirit guide lover and probably guardian of sorts.  Was either distant in the past few weeks or I just could not connect to her.  So I asked for a bit of advice and tried it and the connection was clear again for a bit then it faded.  I found the cause, now I should treat it.  The advice was rather simple a bath to relax my body and clean it along with working with quartz.

The cause though is a bit hard to solve.  It is the toxicity of what people and the environment throws at us.  As I stated before my brother and I have different opinions and are different people.  I found out the hard way that he is aggressive verbally towards his own family and not knowing hurts them.  How this happened was with a simple phone call.  I called him up to say hi and see how he was, well we discussed his life and my tongue slipped.  I said something along the lines of “So because the guy is a Mormon you wont accept him into your life?” His reply was that of “He does not accept Jesus into his heart” again something like that.  So I told him I am looking elsewhere for guidance.  Then he was aggressive and considered me hypocrite, which maybe true enough but I will admit it.  I tried to share what I have learned only to be cut off before I started.  It was then I knew I will have a tough time with him.  He did though admit he chose his path to follow the church effectively blindly to hold his marriage in place.  Which I understand do his family dynamics.  So he finally let me go, because he was busy and I stood my ground for who I am.

The next day still grinding my teeth about the conversation, I took a hard fall and managed to hurt myself a bit.  I am fine now but it took a bit to recover from the swelling and a bruised ear is never fun.  I asked Dad as he knew I am taking a different path so to speak.  Why the brother was the way he is, his reply was it is the brothers choice.    Dad accepts both of our choices as we are adults and more importantly family.   Mom replied with the same and reinforces it.  So do we live by our choices we make in life?  This I am sure of.

 

As I follow this path the “she” guides me down, which is great and filled with obstacles.  I learned something else, may or may not be true.   “There is no truth only the truth you have for yourself.”  Something I connected dots with through some basic ideas spread upon us on this world.  Take a system of belief or deity.  How you connect to it and feel good by it.  Compare to it to another system of belief and how others may feel the same.  Then try to narrow it down to the individual person.  The bible says somewhere that god is in our heart or ourselves as well.  Which conveys to me the truth is what you make of what you believe in, not a church or community. The community or church may share similarities and support you if you need it.  With that in mind I will lead my life the way I want to and believe it is meant to be lead.   We as people as whole somewhere began to separate these things and lose something in the mist of conflicts over interest and who is right and wrong or so I like to think.

 

Then there is school, just finished a two week course of psychology focused on behavior as we have the course for two weeks not much time to do much.  Looks like I will be finishing up and heading out to do internship work.  A few companies have me listed done enough interviews to last me awhile, but I may get to do another this afternoon on a few hours of sleep.  Sound like fun to me although it has been great practice for me to interact and be under a judge so to speak.

 

Well some people seem curious about “her”.  Yes “she” has a name that I am sure of I wish not share it with people even if it is fine with”her”.  Why, because there are people that may consider harming her and me.  I may not believe that and that is a part of the magic or magick is the belief of it.  So recently “she” and I have connected again after my accident and the brothers aggressive behavior.   Well as suspected “she” is very affectionate and active, but on her terms.  There are times when there is a thought that seems as if a young girl would say it or someone that is care free and relaxed.  That is rarely seen in me by others unless I am laughing hard and at ease around the company of my peers.  Kind of right now,  “she” may want me drinking water instead of soda, but I gotta stay up for an hour more at least.  So with that I may get a thought “drink more water, silly” emphasize on silly.  Because when that word pops up in my mind there is a smiling female looking down at me to which I smile.

Always on me about my laziness which is true I need to improve my habits.  The moment though I do make a slight improvement “she” gives me attention sometimes a little sometime a lot.  Today was a little, I think because I got up in the morning and took time to be outside to relax in the backyard while it was cool.  I find gazing at a picture sometimes she will wash over my shoulders and relax them along with my neck.  “She” can do great things for me and most importantly though pushed me into a direction and helped me walk just a little then I sorta took a look around and my mind was opened and began to think for myself more then ever.

Either way I am drifting, so I will stop there for now.

 

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

My belief

Hello, I hope things are well for you.

Last week on Friday while hanging out with friends, I asked a simple yet complicated question and varied results of sorts.  Is it wrong that I hurt or killed the cockroach in the house I came across.  To be fair I just flushed down the toilet as always, but still the cockroach suffered and is a living being itself.  The overall answer I got was no, but the reasons varied.  1. It is no welcomed correct? It is not.  So KILL it. (caps to reinforce his tone).  Another was a breakdown of how the cockroach thinks in a slur of words and incoherent phrases which amounted to,  I deserves to die, because it is malicious.  So I thought it out and replied but it does have a soul and a spirit, why  snuff that out?  Which the person who brought up reason 1. said “it invaded your territory” so true the cockroach did not ask permission to enter and I had the ability to remove it as I did and was right to do so the way I did, still felt guilty that time.  It is life of the cockroach and us as humans.  Sure there other reasons and beliefs, but I am merely relearning.

As a friend soon stated I am reprogramming myself.  Which is very true and hard to come to terms with what I experience now as  someone very different, but a better person.  More decisive yes, yet more passive and let live and not kill kind of person.  More love and not hate (as much as I don’t like the word).  I like to talk to this peer about what I am rethinking and rediscovering as he is the most tolerant and patient person out of my social circle which we all have our traumas and dark past histories.  As to this is why I do not out right share who I met which is “her” to him or the fact that I am looking elsewhere, (occult or darker corners of places)  because he himself keeps his past and own beliefs to himself so all I can do is let out a little a time until he sees I am looking elsewhere.  Thus far he has connected it all to the Tibet monks which is true enough, but I am looking at much more and sadly in a broad view.  He enjoys our talks about “things” and “stuff”.

As I rediscover myself and moral and ethics, I find myself in a state of grey neutral.  Consider the yin-yang effect. White chases black as black chases white like a dog chasing its own tale.  As a child I had a yo-yo it had the yin-yang on its sides only difference really was the colors used but the same effect takes place.  So Imagine the yin-yang symbol then spin in a circle real fast.  I began to a grey area.  What do you get when you shade or mix the colors white and black? I get grey according the color scale.  Grey can mean a lot of things sure, but to me it means neutral. The point between light and dark.  The foggy mist that is seen between to armies about to clash, as white is about to clash into black to make grey.  After that clash or battle what is left? I see grey.  So while the world around me goes around saying there is right and wrong, I disagree.  There is only what you the individual believes in for you and for you alone.  Everything is merely a shade of grey. Not white nor black.  Number one thing is though to let others do what they wish as long as I do what I wish.  Sure we have laws to follow as we do not own territory or land in a sense.  I myself live in the U.S.A. so I adhere and respect the laws of the land I live in, some may sign up with the military to defend this land that is fine.  Be proud just do not waste my time and let me do my job as a person living here.  With goes the same with those that choose to follow a system of belief, which I am slowly learning more about.

Personally the Church that believes in God has a right to worship god just do not shove it down my throat and make a scene about your beliefs.  Others believe other things out there, like me I am very  lost and choose to not believe in what the church does, because of what the church as a whole does and has done.  Its various stance on various “thing” and what various people of the church including my brother have or had to say.

For this though I will apologize to you the reader if you have any negative response from my writing today.

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

Doc Schott's Lab

In which I hack games, pontificate, and make toys.

EVE Online Pictures

Internet spaceships in their natural environment

Vampire Learning Centre

Vampire Library Learning

Succubus Holmes

Just a boy trying to learn everything he can about the most important people in his life.

unbolt me

the literary asylum

Aleister Nacht's Satanic Magic Blog

Satanism and Satanic Magic Blog - Aleister Nacht

Natalie Breuer

Natalie. Writer. Photographer. Etc.

Tina666

Just your average young, Swiss,Satanist.

The Oracle of SachaMama

Shamanic Wisdom for Women

Scribal Damnation

The damnation of a scribe begins with a goddess. She is the author of his torment, the architect of his madness, the artificer of his delirium.

The Goddess of Sacred Sex

Opening to the sacred in your lovemaking

Awakening Journey

My Spiritual Awakening through Kundalini

in the moment

i am everything • i am nothing • therefore • i can be anything.