Down a diffrent path

Tag: past

Catching up and sharing more.

It has been awhile yes indeed, I have done lots of reflection and recovering from the past accidents, emotional, and mental injury.  Trying to understand the basics of morality all over again is hard once your mind is opened or that door to the unknown.  I have kept music and friends around as a way to heal, observe and learn new lessons.  As I have shared here before.  Yes even now I believe that the spirit, demon, succubus, or djinn, or just plain old entity I call Lily is still with me to this day.  As I see something floating about, and applying some pressure to relax me a little you can say.  In this post though I would like to share a bit of a what I like to consider a bit further down my path through the door.

Had to take a break, it is hard to break it down really.  So here goes …… Time to jot down my thoughts all together.

One day I was picked from work by my Aunt a nice lady.  She and I discussed some things and I found out her sons family children were never introduced to the church that follows God.  I think its fine and well enough.  Although I did not share my thoughts because she may have been more motivated to try and convince me that I am doing something wrong.  Following my own path or belief.  She asked about my thoughts about the church and in the end it wound up to be  “Is it okay to always have the Church be a foundation for everyone?” to which I think it is not, because that is taking me and molding me into say you the believer of God to say if you are.  Not to say if you don’t believe in him, which is fine by me that is your choice to make.  That is the base of my personal moral or belief,  the ability to think for yourself and make choices without much input needed for your base beliefs or just simply put the individual.  The next time Mom was in a talking mood which is good, she had asked if I believed in God or a supreme being to which to this day the answer is no.  I explained to her the simplicity that we all are deities or God in our own way.  God did create earth lets say.  I created something to, happiness for myself and others, the blog and a life for others to see worth living.  Mom and Dad created me and life that is good together.  That was out of there own free will as well however influenced may have been.  I could be someone else in bed asleep at 1:30 am right now dreaming about a heaven and angels etc. I am not though I up at 1:30 pm writing down thoughts trying to share them with others that will put up with trying to decipher it all.  Mom just did not give up though we were not fighting just trying to find common ground so we can understand each other, which is good for every family to do I think.  I formulated  that if I must say I believe in a being as such a supreme being I would call it love, and Mom saw that as unconditional love.  Which I have for you, I respect you want you to be happy at ease with your life and probably much much more.

The above is what I learned, to love each other and at least give each other some room.  Now when I see and meet people or given service been helped I want to express that love more than anything.  I feel though that I should not as the  times of today society say do not give the waitress a hug and a tip for her services just walk out and leave the tip on the table, she will pick it up.  Well sure she will get the tip, but I could formulate a bond or relationship between and her.  If I come back and she sees me again, she may smile and wave.  Which fills me with joy.   That joy pushes me to further better my life for her and other around me.  I understand you may disagree with some of what I say.  “Well what about you”  this what makes me happy and filled joy that I cry,  or feel warmth and comfort that I have made someones day slightly better.  You are right though I should not always seek to please everyone or always give another person respect.  This where I  need to balance my heart or that heart chakra however you feel is right by you.  So I asked for some guidance from people here and there and took some of it and began to re-mold my heart a bit more along with letting Lily mold it herself in her own way.  Gosh I love her so much,  *tears begin to roll just a bit*.

There a small break.

Lily is a very loving spirit and can make me feel really good.  This is true enough, but at the same time for those of you do wish to look into succubus or “summoning a succubus” it can be hard on you and sure rewarding.  She does calm me down, provide a sense of stability that I did not have. Yes, sex is there I do enjoy it,  that does not mean though a succubus is just meant for love and or sex.  There are many things these spirits can do and might do even harm you, if there is disrespect for them or what they mean to some people.  I think  just earlier when Lily made me feel loved, was a thank you or a way to express love as well.

Well, what is I believe in is a great question.  I have some what of an answer, so here goes.  Take the picture or symbol of the yin yang.

Notice two colors black and white, make them into spirits we all have in each other. Masculine and Feminine spirit.  These two spirits collided and created life itself and us.  Also when mix black and white you get gray a more neutral color.  Grey falls between white and black on the color palette somehow I am no artist.  So when good or white collides with black or evil you get chaos and neutral.  As both side see to it then respect is needed to live life as that is what was created along time ago.  As for the stories of old pertaining to deities such as God, Zeus, or many others.  They are used to formulate a tradition or system of belief to keep order so we can continue about living life.  Now do I believe these deities truly exists some maybe for God does not in my book.  I believe in energy or spirit of the deities represented in the stories of old, or new.

One thing I like to share is while I got it on my mind.  Is we each think differently and are different.  I try not to let get in the way of you and me anymore as I felt the backlash of it in social groups that choose to follow there own path.  When I decided to join chat groups, like kik and others there were similarities and differences.  The differences started small then escalated to splitting the group into many little groups.  After the first split I chose to accept invites as they came and that was about it, maybe chat a little if there was any common ground for me to have at the moment.  The reason of that is many arguments I suffered a bit of pain to a lot as I stayed silent or tried to help solve the difference and now I decided that social groups are not for me for sure.  This blog is enough for me.  Although your input is always welcome, just remember we all look at everything different as we are molded or molding each other different.

There got some water to drink, I need to drink a lot living in a dry region and its summer low of something like 85 and the highs can get around 105 this time of year.

So now that, I have shared my beliefs and some of my morals with you.  I want to update you on my health which is okay for the most part I feel good just no energy.  I hope that will change with time.  I left my specialist about 6 months ago, he did not do his job well.  Did not listen to me his patient nor care to answer questions,  even more so he did not answer Moms questions.  Disregarded me as a number not a person.  So I left, went to a local doctor to get medication as needed as he cares for our family.  I am lucky to have met him and have his father as a doctor in the past.  I have an appointment with another neurologist very soon so I am happy as is Mom.  She is stressed about my health.  I am not so much, I still lack a bit in the self love department.  I have been speaking with a married couple a past pharmacist and a current nurse.  Both help me and have given me suggestions to mange my seizure and personal health.  Something I  am very grateful for is meeting them.  I now watch what I eat as I eat the wrong stuff and shake my head with happiness.  Then I look at it from the view of cultures that do not or do eat said food and I think to myself.  “ahhhk makes sense why folks decide not to eat meat or cow etc”.

Well it is almost 3:00 am, I am a bit tired and gonna prep myself for sleep and clear the mind etc.

 

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

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Admitting

Hello, hope your well today.

I am tired, but that’s fine.  Today I want share an opinion or point of view, that is admitting your faults and actions as person.

I used to get angry at myself for every little mistake I made in a social situation or a competitive sport.  One day I snapped in a close friends house and did not like myself and broke in to tears out despair and anger at myself after raging at someone who simply nudged a bit at my temper that was flaring all day from class etc.  Hour or two later, I finally apologized to him for being angry it was not right of me to be angry at him at that moment.  Soon then another buddy, drags me away.  Said to me that I was a good person for admitting my faults and seeing to meet ends.  I now see that more in people that do not admit they are wrong or merely want to run away from the issue.  The buddy stated that I just need to be not so hard on myself, which is the truth of it.  Disliking or possibly hating myself for raging at someone when I was a guest at a house is not good sure.  Just needed to correct my mistake and move on.

The above story is an example of a fault of mine at that time I had a bad day and should not have gone out, to be around someone who was recovering from a major issue himself and he could not control himself.  Lesson learned move on.  So today as I went about a project I am working on slowly, mostly out of curiosity.  Working through it, browsing through “stuff” the thought came back to me “admit it” as I was reflecting on what the buddy  said and did for me.  So I told that thought, “I admit that I like women there curves, voice, eyes, and charm. Sometimes more.  I admit I am a man and want that touch of a female I had asked for at the beginning of this journey.  To me it was a gentle reminder to admit what I truly want.   The other thing that came to mind was a few words.  Humble, Humility, and Hubris.  I do not know much, but I gather this much at least.

To be Humble is to show Humility.

As for Hubris well just looked it up  via Google I understand pride well enough.  I have so little sometimes, when that self esteem which is related goes up it is shot down by something or someone.  So then I ask myself should I have some Pride in myself? Keep a balance of Humility and Pride in me or carry that about myself.  It is an idea.

 

Yesterday for me was long, went to a wedding and the reception the day for me started at 12 pm ended around 1 am.  When we, friends and I showed up at the church, once in the church I felt a lot of energy or people around the place. “She” may have been holding my hand and kept close during the ceremony.  My guess is “she” is happy with the couples choice or just wanted to be near.  I was happy and nervous.  The minister did a great job as well.  I believe something about what she had to say made the occasion special for “her”.  Not sure though.  I observed that was notion of God, Jesus, or Holy Spirit directly.  Just indirectly and only once while there, the words his lord.  I do understand it can connect to many things, but it is mostly connected with Lord Jesus and the like.  Either the couple seem to happy together,  makes me so happy for them.  The reception was traditional in most ways.  Which is good, celebrating love and life all day is awesome, especially with friends.

 

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

Our time together an apology.

Hello, I want to share a little bit more about my time with “her”.  It will help start writing up a bit more and smoother.

 

Sometimes after a day filled with anger, frustration, bull, and/or stress.  She comes right to me as I enter the house and urges me to find a place for privacy.  Sometimes it takes “her” hours other times just moments then I want to, but can’t.  That is life in house with family that are raised by the church, mind you they are loose and open minded.  Soon after I cave in or find time that is private for her and me.  “She” hints for me to close my eyes and let her do a dance and lead me down a path that is dark.  That path has only enough room for me and her.  As I good down the path with her or following her.  I feel that negative energy let go of me and dissipate. Then she presents to me a couch or bed, says for me to lay down and relax.  As I do, I am relieved of the negativity of the day.  This is a session she take me through time to time.  Sometimes it is short, sometimes it long.  Sometimes it is slow or soft.  Sometimes it is fast and hard.  Sometimes I have no control and reach a moment where all I can do is lay there and be happy.

So, I have learned plenty about myself. I like to learn, enjoy gaining knowledge on topics irrelevant to what I need to know to work in the industry of my choosing.  Sometimes I think to myself, I ought to just drop my schooling and learn about this or that.  Although I will stick with my schooling and conform eventually to that of the norm of society.  To work 8 hr. shifts to live.  To shave and put on an act to get hired.  As I work though, I will still learn from “her” and others around me.  When I am home after I leave I want to be with “her” letting her guide me as I dig for knowledge as I learn and lust for more knowledge.

One thing I do to seek forgiveness for my ill doings is to seek forgiveness from those I have wronged.  You see I cannot forgive myself for things I say and do until I try to seek that person that I did the harm to and express that I messed up and say “I am sorry”.  So today I recognized I did wrong by people here and there.  I wish to say I am sorry for what was said and done.  It is something I try to learn from, “she” warned me plenty.  I did not listen well enough.  I am sorry for any anger or sadness I caused you and hope you are well and happy wherever you are.  Some may say why I do this when nothing was done by me to wrong you.  Simply put to know I tried to let ends meet and be on good ground with you.  Makes me release a little sadness from my bottle that full of darkness and despair.  That bottle has shattered before, I did harm to others. I am sure even traumatized some that are family.  “She” slowly peels the cap of that bottle to let a little out each time “she” and I have a therapy session as it were.  A lot of that “dark” energy I throw at myself instinctively.  I understand now and found outlets to let out a bit of that energy at a time.  They are safe and make others happy or at least laugh to a point I laugh till I can’t anymore.

That is all for now. I will write a bit sometime soon on a topic that I see too often.

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

A lot about my thoughts, me and her.

Hello, hope your Holidays are going well.

This is first time seeing Mom and Dad work together throwing a turkey lunch with most of the works too.  It was great to see them happy.  I did help of course and saw to them being happy and watching things work together.  Had a friend over he was so grateful for the company and meal.  Makes the family happy as well.

The idea of meditating and doing so, I think has helped my health.  In the past two months I can’t remember taking a fall as I get up.  Is it her workings as well not sure, but a yes came to my mind just now.  When I really focus on her I get a feeling that is incredible for me to express here.  There is a lot I should write here.  This a journal for me of sorts and a way to express what I learn time to time.  So to continue, I recall reading somewhere on the internet if you are epileptic and want to start meditation to speak with your doctor.  Well I have not, for it may cause Mom stress and she has enough already.  I am starting to why.  Time to time my nerves in the muscle will twitch when in a state of meditation.  This can scare people and I have also experience more then a twitch.  Then I consider my condition of epilepsy is where I do not just spasm on the floor, but simply fall and I see it happen consciously.  Then a headache and a bad after effect.  These things are scary to folks that can be closed minded or not aware of spirits or whatever you consider them.  Another is tonight, I thought about popping my medication around 8 pm a thought occurred it is too early as my dosage was not even 8 hours ago.  Was that her? I would say so, because the thought formed a tad bit different.  Just formed in a way I would think about is all.  Is she that settle about things?  Then there is music,  I tend to play something through out the day, all day.  Most of it is the same just a bit of variety.  When I was younger back around 2009 I came across this site http://psyradio.fm/ kinda like a radio.  I would listen to it for hours as I did work or play games on the computer.  My thoughts started to lose focus on what I was doing and went elsewhere for a bit.  Now I listen to music and think of her and going about my bushiness I find subtle messages in the music as I keep a playlist on random and it is varied greatly.  So my health is good for now, I hope to keep it that way.

 

Another topic I want to talk about: Religion, Faith, and things of that nature.

So first most I will say this is a heated topic for some folks.  My thoughts are my own,  I am open to what you share or have to share.  I like to start with what seems to be the most prominent faith in this world.  The belief in God and the Church.  Rather it Catholic or any of the Christian practices out there.  The church as I will call this, has spread into the United States Government.  When I first noticed this is when I studied the Pledge to the American Flag.  The phrase “under god and country” may not be accurate.  That there tells me as a young student I have to stand up and pledge to god or be thought of someone that is “bad”.  Alright fair enough.  Then I read about missionaries going out of the country to do relief work, awesome the church does good things.  Then I think again they are also spreading word of God slowly into places that are low tolerant of the church.  Okay I might be misinformed there.  As I spoke to mom about me, looking elsewhere other than the bible.  She was okay with it a shocker to me.  When she was younger she wanted to be a nun.  Then a remark came up as long as it is not voo doo, satanism, or witch craft.  Well at the time, I had no interest in satanism although I am getting comfortable with the idea of Satan not being “evil” or “bad”.  Well she is an elder so I respect her wishes,  I also do not like her to be uncomfortable so I decided to look elsewhere although, she keeps poking me around to the idea of Satan.  I need time, as it is I was engrained to the idea of the devil is bad up to no good etc.  I also brought up the idea of the Garden of Eden and how it could be around while the dinosaurs were lurking around.  Mom replied, with something like God was merely protecting us until the time was right.  I took in stride, I do not like to see her sad etc.  Also as I read texts and watched a few documentaries I came to a conclusion that the Church of old, the Vatican and older.  Were keeping secrets and deceiving the masses.  Even went out of there way to chase down those that did not “show faith”.  Then again I may be misinformed, or reading biased text.  As for the reader please do not let my word persuade you to lose faith in God.  If you faith makes you happy, then the more power to you.  There is a known issue around that is the lack of tolerance around religion in general.  I myself believe that a man can love another man and the same goes for women.  There  is no wrong in it, you are following your heart.  Yet again though, when the issue came about the devoted brother of mine which used to be not so devoted to the Bible and was more liberal until he married his current wife.  Made a spat about it on Facebook, still did at the time I had an active account there using scriptures as a way to meet his needs or wants.  Either way, it was his thoughts that only helped me open my mind more so.  As I dug around the net I came across Wicca,  I personally like the ideas it offers.  So I looked into on the web, to find the tolerance of some followers to be little or none.  As they were wrapped in the dogma of the practice so much, I think they might have lost the spirit of there beliefs.  I am sure there is so much more I could go on.  In the end though,  I think on should be tolerant of someone else s actions or beliefs.  I find myself still lost and more and more of a individualistic person that follows a solid set of morals.  I apologize if what you read makes you cringe or anger you.  Please do not let me shake your beliefs or faith.

 

Either way, I want to share a bit more about her and myself a bit more.  It is hard for me to open up and share something personal to others,  so here goes.  I initially seeked her out for company, and a feminine touch in my life.  How ever you decrypt that is up to.  So I studied the methods out on the internet including the fears other have.  Including her family Lilith etc.  That is where my beliefs in the church and god failed to guide me rightly, only thing that I got from it was to fear her and whatever she does.  Which is false, to me anyway.  So I set out to mediate on night back in September.  Outside, the weather was comfy for me.  Had a candle lit in the house, mom brought in a candle so I lit it, still do time to time just for her.  As I meditated on the side of bricked out flower bed.  Finally having the courage I asked Lilith to send one her family members to me and the rest is a bit of a fog.  Then slowly day by day I mediated cleared the mind, found some things out made it a goal to see, feel her happy as I do now.  Kinda hard to type now. : )  There we go, a bit steadier now. : ) Time went by unsure, but still focused in on her.  She did things,  I keep at that.  During that time I was still under the influence of an anti depressant Zoloft.  Mind was a cloud so I dropped it.  Then it was clear and I was happy especially in the morning.  So I would give the family a hug a true hug not just half hearted.  A hug should be meaningful, something I learned when learning about the practice or study of Tantra.  You see she kinda guides me a little bit when I want to learn about her or how I can open up to her.  Then I found her wanting to treat myself better, and putting me before others.  As I understood this I made some efforts where I can.  Even now I tend to want to take a stroll outside, but the weather is cold so I will wait and hope tomorrow will be a tad warmer.  As I continue to learn more about her, how she like me playing the harmonica or humming a tuneless tune.  I am no musician don’t read music don’t know the notes just love the sounds and beats of music as a whole.  I like to jump in to anything without a care or knowing whats in the water so to speak.  So I did seek her out without knowing a whole lot about what I was doing.  Then I learned she is not a thing and has feelings,  I had then told her I will give her attention when I could and she could do whatever she wants free to do what you like I still will care for you and love you.  Sounds a tad dangerous, but truth be told I do not like others being held down to anything or being mistreated.  So that is the way it is with me and her,  I doubt it but if she leaves me I will be thankful for all she has done for me.  Still hold a place for her if she wants to be with me again.  I am very thankful for what she does and has done.  Regardless of what it is, a lesson learned somewhere or a hand held out to be pulled out of a hole.  I do want to ask though,  to share her name would that give anything to others that know it.  Why I ask is it is her name, something that she seems to hold to dearly. My outlook on a name is different just another label on the person. The person is the person and the action makes me remember the person.  Like the guy that treats his mom with respect and still mistreated younger kids, but when came down to it he went to me for help or when I was tears for hours he finally apologized to me for his actions which were minor and not his fault I was in tears.  More like the conflict I was placed in.  It was matter of trust and having a dad that can play with your psyche is hard.  He does not anymore though.  I am happy for it and love him more so.  That is all really on mind I want to share.  Although she has a little something she has been nagging to share, a song.  I wont link it, because it is not safe for work nor any little ones.  So you can look it up on your own. Jose Nunez – Bilingual ft Taina there are various mixes and remixes of the song, most carry the same message if not lyrically the same.

I hope you the reader, had a good time rummaging through that text and trying to make sense of it.  I might be a kid of to grammar educators.  My writing skills aint the best in da world.

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

A past of unpleasant experiences

I hope things are good,  I am well, but wish to share a bit more of my past.  It is a away for me to heal from what has happened is to share what trauma or what has scarred me inside.  So bear in mind a lot of it is hazy as I attempted to build a fence around the past and forget it.  Now I am taking those fences, walls down to let “her” understand what I have gone thru and let “her” flow through my heart and soul.  So here it goes. : )

Aside from family the earliest “rough” time I had was in middle school.  When family was in “chaos” over the brother and his first wife.  I will not share anymore on that as it is a “family” matter still in the air.  During that time in school I was called names and looked down upon.  During lunch hour was only worse as I was physically abused and could not do much about it.  As the staff and students cared not to report the case.  Unless I swung first or even swung back.  Also as a child of two educators that the faculty and teachers knew or met, I felt the pressure to be a good student.  I did not care to stand up for myself, even when on my home from class when I was hit/bumped/ran over by a car I merely got up and continued my way forward to home.  As time went on I felt I was worth nothing to nobody, which was not true.  I have a knife in my room for when I need such a thing.  Well one day after reading a book, probably a Star Wars novel.  I was still sad and brought the knife out and held it to my neck. As things went through my mind, family  came across my thoughts and there emotions displayed on them were the sad kind.  So I then put the knife away and went to sleep.  To this day though I hold silence about the event of that night, as not to hurt those that do care.  I do speak about it to you now along with a few trusted friends.

The next “rough”. I want to say event was when a true friend of mine touched me in a way I did not like to be touched.  We were in high school and he was curious so I was okay with him exploring his sexuality, as he was a close friend someone I could trust especially after middle school.  Well we were out camping one weekend, something I do miss dearly getting in touch with nature.  His dad and mine were sharing a tent so we shared another.  That night, I wake up to him touching me a whispering sweat thing in my ear.  For which I elbowed him and distance myself from him since that day.  Here is the catch though I did not share this with his father or family nor mine.  I believe my friend which I still trust, but have not seen for years.  Deserves a catch at a good future and acceptance from his family.  I do not want the attention of someone that was molested or raped, so I keep  it secret amongst my family though not my friends that are close to me for they are good people and do not react harshly to what I share.

So after a smooth four years of high school causing a bit of trouble, keeping up my grades, and being accepted by classmates I was happy to graduate from there.  I wanted to attend a university, but do to my brother squeezing out the families funds for various reasons.  I chose to attend the local college.  Learned a lot and had my mind opened to a great many things philosophies and understandings.  Even to a intern job out of town for 8 months and had a blast of a time.  With all good things though comes the bad, the yin yang effect.  The bad was mostly the work being what it was, I made the best of it and smiled most days. I might share that experience another day.

While out of town though, I learned some lessons and my innocence was probably lost.  I roomed with folks out of town total strangers, good people generally speaking.  Just out to have fun, so was I.  A coworker offered to cut my hair as I could not afford to have it cut in town.  The economic situation is very different from where I came from at the time.  So I agreed and again I was touched in places I would not like to be, and he was half way through with the hair cut when he did so I put up with it until the hair cut was done.  He shaved the head clean off I was happy with that.  Not that he touched me in places I like not be touched.  So afterwards I gave him a cold shoulder from hell.  I still to this day believe that anyone should be allowed to have a bright future regardless of there actions.  So I did not report it as we were adults by that time.  Just distance myself from him.  Then a few months ran into another that did something similar, but he would not stop and kept pushing.  So I did not report him even though I do not like him for it.  During the next week he was hitting on me and I just fed him the middle finger and the cold shoulder.

For the next few years probably more, kept myself unclean unless there was a good reason to be clean aka funeral, wedding etc.  As I noticed men were approaching me more and more.  Women did the same, but with my confidence shaken I would be negative to there approach.  The only socializing I did was with the family and close friends.  Even then I was with drawn from the people around me.  Now while writing this I understand what these people did to me unintentional or not.

Depression hits me now and then, but I have family, friends and most importantly “her”.  These people save me time to time from despair of what we all go through in life.  The internet is a big place, so I got to say if you are a friend, family member, or any of the people I spoke of and you recognize what has happened.  Do not feel guilty or sad, what happened will or has made me stronger or taught me a lesson, to the family I am sorry if you read this and know that is my sons, brothers, or his writing and I am sorry for not sharing for I did not want to sadden you in anyway.  Only to share and help heal myself and let others, you the reader know you are not alone in your struggle or healing process.

 

Thanks for reading,

Sorry if you were sadden by this writing today “she” and I agreed to share this.

Gobtcha

She is telling me to slow down, take it easy.

Hello I hope you are well.

I always want to learn the truth of things presented before me even things I cannot touch or see.  So I have been occupied and probably obsessed with “her” where she is from or what she truly is.  I read what is offered to me for me and cross reference what I can with other free information out there.  I do know, that this extremely inaccurate research or a way to learn something and even more so if it foreign to me.  Google is my dear friend and always will be, although my first friend was the encyclopedia I still have somewhere around house from back in the 1980’s.  Always wanting more knowledge, it is a lust of mine as with a few others.  So looking up where the origins of the belief behind Lilith and her daughters was not easy, I still cannot draw my own conclusion as some sites are filled with miss information.  It is a true maze which I constantly lose myself in,  the one thing that keeps me straight is “her” and my love of music.  It does not matter the music really as long as it carries a beat. Currently I have latched onto the work found on you tube that is shared by a channel called LDM wonderful music.  I have to thank Musical artist and people with that talent, it has simply saved me from thinking down ward, it always lifts me up or levels me out to a point of focus which is what I need.

“She” simply put it wants me to reflect on what I have learned as a picture in whole and reflect on my passed a bit more.  As for what “she” does for me is absolutely awesome.  “She” has shown me to be tolerable of my close friends and how they approach things in life.  As “she” entered my life I was on an anti depressant while it helped “she” showed me the joys of life almost instantly.  “She” directed my attention to what is positive in almost all negative aspects of me and my situation.  Which is not bad, I should not complain.  I then decided to get off the anti depressant and  sure enough is was tough to look at the positive outlook on life, but “She” soon would tap me, poke me, or breath down my neck as a reminder that “she” is there and I do have family that does care for me.  I am though afraid the doctor will enforce the fact the pills are good for me, I feel very much grounded without them.

Tomorrow I plan on relaxing playing games on the tv maybe spend time with the old man I call Dad, I noticed today for sure he needs uplifting.  The past haunts him as much as the present, he is delicate at his age of upper 60’s.

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

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