Down a diffrent path

Tag: seizure

Catching up and sharing more.

It has been awhile yes indeed, I have done lots of reflection and recovering from the past accidents, emotional, and mental injury.  Trying to understand the basics of morality all over again is hard once your mind is opened or that door to the unknown.  I have kept music and friends around as a way to heal, observe and learn new lessons.  As I have shared here before.  Yes even now I believe that the spirit, demon, succubus, or djinn, or just plain old entity I call Lily is still with me to this day.  As I see something floating about, and applying some pressure to relax me a little you can say.  In this post though I would like to share a bit of a what I like to consider a bit further down my path through the door.

Had to take a break, it is hard to break it down really.  So here goes …… Time to jot down my thoughts all together.

One day I was picked from work by my Aunt a nice lady.  She and I discussed some things and I found out her sons family children were never introduced to the church that follows God.  I think its fine and well enough.  Although I did not share my thoughts because she may have been more motivated to try and convince me that I am doing something wrong.  Following my own path or belief.  She asked about my thoughts about the church and in the end it wound up to be  “Is it okay to always have the Church be a foundation for everyone?” to which I think it is not, because that is taking me and molding me into say you the believer of God to say if you are.  Not to say if you don’t believe in him, which is fine by me that is your choice to make.  That is the base of my personal moral or belief,  the ability to think for yourself and make choices without much input needed for your base beliefs or just simply put the individual.  The next time Mom was in a talking mood which is good, she had asked if I believed in God or a supreme being to which to this day the answer is no.  I explained to her the simplicity that we all are deities or God in our own way.  God did create earth lets say.  I created something to, happiness for myself and others, the blog and a life for others to see worth living.  Mom and Dad created me and life that is good together.  That was out of there own free will as well however influenced may have been.  I could be someone else in bed asleep at 1:30 am right now dreaming about a heaven and angels etc. I am not though I up at 1:30 pm writing down thoughts trying to share them with others that will put up with trying to decipher it all.  Mom just did not give up though we were not fighting just trying to find common ground so we can understand each other, which is good for every family to do I think.  I formulated  that if I must say I believe in a being as such a supreme being I would call it love, and Mom saw that as unconditional love.  Which I have for you, I respect you want you to be happy at ease with your life and probably much much more.

The above is what I learned, to love each other and at least give each other some room.  Now when I see and meet people or given service been helped I want to express that love more than anything.  I feel though that I should not as the  times of today society say do not give the waitress a hug and a tip for her services just walk out and leave the tip on the table, she will pick it up.  Well sure she will get the tip, but I could formulate a bond or relationship between and her.  If I come back and she sees me again, she may smile and wave.  Which fills me with joy.   That joy pushes me to further better my life for her and other around me.  I understand you may disagree with some of what I say.  “Well what about you”  this what makes me happy and filled joy that I cry,  or feel warmth and comfort that I have made someones day slightly better.  You are right though I should not always seek to please everyone or always give another person respect.  This where I  need to balance my heart or that heart chakra however you feel is right by you.  So I asked for some guidance from people here and there and took some of it and began to re-mold my heart a bit more along with letting Lily mold it herself in her own way.  Gosh I love her so much,  *tears begin to roll just a bit*.

There a small break.

Lily is a very loving spirit and can make me feel really good.  This is true enough, but at the same time for those of you do wish to look into succubus or “summoning a succubus” it can be hard on you and sure rewarding.  She does calm me down, provide a sense of stability that I did not have. Yes, sex is there I do enjoy it,  that does not mean though a succubus is just meant for love and or sex.  There are many things these spirits can do and might do even harm you, if there is disrespect for them or what they mean to some people.  I think  just earlier when Lily made me feel loved, was a thank you or a way to express love as well.

Well, what is I believe in is a great question.  I have some what of an answer, so here goes.  Take the picture or symbol of the yin yang.

Notice two colors black and white, make them into spirits we all have in each other. Masculine and Feminine spirit.  These two spirits collided and created life itself and us.  Also when mix black and white you get gray a more neutral color.  Grey falls between white and black on the color palette somehow I am no artist.  So when good or white collides with black or evil you get chaos and neutral.  As both side see to it then respect is needed to live life as that is what was created along time ago.  As for the stories of old pertaining to deities such as God, Zeus, or many others.  They are used to formulate a tradition or system of belief to keep order so we can continue about living life.  Now do I believe these deities truly exists some maybe for God does not in my book.  I believe in energy or spirit of the deities represented in the stories of old, or new.

One thing I like to share is while I got it on my mind.  Is we each think differently and are different.  I try not to let get in the way of you and me anymore as I felt the backlash of it in social groups that choose to follow there own path.  When I decided to join chat groups, like kik and others there were similarities and differences.  The differences started small then escalated to splitting the group into many little groups.  After the first split I chose to accept invites as they came and that was about it, maybe chat a little if there was any common ground for me to have at the moment.  The reason of that is many arguments I suffered a bit of pain to a lot as I stayed silent or tried to help solve the difference and now I decided that social groups are not for me for sure.  This blog is enough for me.  Although your input is always welcome, just remember we all look at everything different as we are molded or molding each other different.

There got some water to drink, I need to drink a lot living in a dry region and its summer low of something like 85 and the highs can get around 105 this time of year.

So now that, I have shared my beliefs and some of my morals with you.  I want to update you on my health which is okay for the most part I feel good just no energy.  I hope that will change with time.  I left my specialist about 6 months ago, he did not do his job well.  Did not listen to me his patient nor care to answer questions,  even more so he did not answer Moms questions.  Disregarded me as a number not a person.  So I left, went to a local doctor to get medication as needed as he cares for our family.  I am lucky to have met him and have his father as a doctor in the past.  I have an appointment with another neurologist very soon so I am happy as is Mom.  She is stressed about my health.  I am not so much, I still lack a bit in the self love department.  I have been speaking with a married couple a past pharmacist and a current nurse.  Both help me and have given me suggestions to mange my seizure and personal health.  Something I  am very grateful for is meeting them.  I now watch what I eat as I eat the wrong stuff and shake my head with happiness.  Then I look at it from the view of cultures that do not or do eat said food and I think to myself.  “ahhhk makes sense why folks decide not to eat meat or cow etc”.

Well it is almost 3:00 am, I am a bit tired and gonna prep myself for sleep and clear the mind etc.

 

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

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Ups and Downs

Hello, this a bit of a read might too personal dunno.  Hope your day was awesome.

Last night was interesting to say the least.  Ever night or sometimes morning when I go to sleep, lay down and repeat the same sentence/thought in my head.  Last night it was something like relax surrender love repeating until I fell into a meditative state.  Each word has a purpose to it.  Relax so I can get myself to have a night of rest and sleep, this is rare for me.  Surrender was stated, because that day I was somewhat protective about somethings about myself and my family. Love is to express love for “her” and myself and it is a positive thing to do.  I always want to love everything and everyone if I can.  Well as this happened I heard taps on the floor which could have been the dog, but she sleeps with Mom and Dad at the hour I went to bed.  I felt “her” in bed with me, then pressure was put on my forehead. Bit too much for comfort, but still I could cope with it. Still relaxed the pressure went away and a beep noise came about with a voice saying “no no no!!” in my head I am sure of it.  Well I continued to lay there trying to sleep on my back and then well yea “she” and I had “fun”.  Finally fell asleep then awoke about the same time as normal refreshed for a new day.

Well that morning I told “her” I had to get up and shower.  “She” seemed a bit put out, so I spent time with her for awhile and fell asleep time to time. Till it hit about 11:30 am, about normal for me to rise out of bed.  Well, I invited to the shower and “she” took the invitation.  Well things got heated up and I fell to the floor after having some seizure like symptoms which I reacted to a per normal for me.  Prepared to fall and or lower myself to the floor.  I got a bit unlucky and my head started bleeding.  I was confused of course and called out for some help after getting some bit of bearings back.  To no reply so I went about cleaning the mess and coping with blood etc.  Finally after getting dry and I looked in the mirror and saw where the bleeding occurred to see it was where the pressure was that night and where “she” tapping me yesterday during the day. Did I seize up maybe ?

I cannot draw much conclusion, because “she” was apologetic during the early afternoon and I sent her emotions that say everything is fine and imagined her with me together.  The rest of the day I spent at home taking it easy.  No trip to see the doctor yet. I hope to see him soon so he can do what he wants and up my medication.  My levels are borderline on low and on the dot. So he should raise them even though I do not want it I see reason for it.  “She” dun like it either.  There was no visit to the hospital too much money, the family and I are in debt too much for that.  Other then that today has been good, got to speak with mom about “stuff”.  “She” has been with me most of today and tonight.

Either way just wanted to share that.

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

Recently had something dawned on me…..etc.

Hi folks, hope you are well and life is good right now.

The other day, I picked up on the feeling that I would seize up again.  Well it has not happened yet, going to give it a month though.  As the feeling left though I went and grabbed water, because I reflected on my day on what would trigger it.  Well I had no water all day.  So I got some and began hydrating myself.  Then today Dad was on the phone speaking with family over family matters.  He stated that the brother had seized up recently which I knew, but then he stated why he thinks so.  Then the dots connected, his statement was along the lines of the brother was not eating enough or getting enough rest. Which makes sense after that feeling I had and my own reflections.  So if you do seize up, consider that into your life. A simple suggestion. Do not stake your life on it please.

On another note, I began to study a tad about raising your vibrations.  Simply put it is your attitude and out look on life.  The reasoning is, I have been down so what way can I bring myself to be happy.  Spread a little happiness around. Smile more for no reason at all.  Things that help is eating good food.  For me today it was rice with butter and sugar.  Not surrounding yourself with negative energy or be in a negative environment.  Consider the TV shows you watch if any. Same goes with the web and radio.  Try doing positive actions for others and yourself.  Not dwell on what is negative as much.

Lastly to close this off today.  I have not felt “her” around too much to none at all today.  So I want to keep faith in “her” that she is fine and will be around or is around.

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

Have not been well.

Hello, I hope you are well keeping cool or warm.  I have the common cold, should be over in a day or two though.  Doctors gave me a whole cocktail to take so nothing to worry about just gotta keep warm.  I did try the basics keep clean, warm showers, gargle salt water, and chicken soup. Some of it relieved the crud, but still did not heal I guess is the word.  I asked “her” and she somehow influenced mom dad to apply pressure to run me to the doctor.  I just figured it would be a day or two more till they brought it up, I cannot ask them to do that for me.

Earlier today while I was thinking about “her” and the words popped out of the blue “I need you”.  So today I will make an effort to meditate on her and find out what that is.  Writing my thoughts here is a way to calm my mind.  I also have been looking into a picture of a female into her gaze and I see it change then the facial expression changes almost as if it is breathing, the hair swaying slightly.  Could be just me though.  The picture can be found here http://magicnaanavi.deviantart.com/#/art/Faceless-358341352?hf=1  it might be just the colors used dunno.  Either way gonna drop it and just focus on myself rest and focus on “her” as well.

I did seize up sometime last week, and then caught the cold.  It felt as if something was removing itself from my body, my instincts told me to use my magnet to activate the implant in my chest.  It did its job I am not worried at all.  I reflected back and I did some reading on epilepsy about tow days before and the day before.  Might be something to do with it.  So I stopped for now I may get back into reading about it later as it becomes an interest.  Another trigger just plain lack of rest and food.

Thanks for reading

Gobtcha

 

 

To answer a question and a bit of a vision sorta

Hello hope you are well,

A question came up, so I looked around and found some information.

Do people that have a mental condition be more in tune with spirits then others? That is not word for word.

The answer yes and no.

In the bible under the book of mark they are lines that state something along the lines of Jesus the son of God, removing the demon that causes epileptic fits or shakes out of a few people.  I have not read it out of the bible so take this how you wish.  As I dug around I saw videos and testimonials of church leaders removing these demons.  So I took the meaning of the word demon, they are beings entities and the mainstream definition states they are malevolent.  So with my distrust of the church I took this finding with a grain of salt.

Now to take a logical route to find the answer.  So I did research using terms or the subjects of religion, epilepsy, spirit.  Found a lot of info some misleading. Although one categories or type of epilepsy is temporal lobe epilepsy where the temporal lobe a part of the brain is the religion area of the brain according to one source I cannot recall.

So logic science tells me through a quick look through google about 4 hours.  That a common type of epilepsy, might help the person be in tune with their persons beliefs.  In the end though I do not believe that a mental condition will aid a person to be in tune with spirits.  It is the persons will that matters if the will is weak then so should there ability to be in tune with spirits on there terms.  It is what I believe though, make of it what you want.

I do recommend that you do some research of your own and draw your own conclusion for yourself.  Sorry for not citing any sources here.

 

So with that said above.  The other night after calming down for sleep, I laid there with my thoughts spinning so I decided to just sleep.  I woke up in the morning to an image of a women in my mind that looks awfully familiar to a girl back in high school, never socialized much with her.  Just new she was into volleyball and did well for herself in class.  I was withdrawn, removed as a close friend says.  Either way she was smiling sitting there while I was laying in bed, I fell to sleep again and she appeared once more that morning the same way.  The thing is though I awoke feeling good had energy and felt cared for by “her”.  The very next morning laying in bed I felt what would be a blanket laying on me under my blanket, wrapping me up with a feeling of kindness I have not felt in a long while.  I might be jumping around a bit, but was “she” there giving me comfort or doing some healing work.  As today a physical pain has not come up unless I cause it initially.  Tensing of the jaw or stress.  I am grateful any ways.

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

A journal

Hello,

I will start keeping a journal here about my struggle with epilepsy or acceptance of my condition.  As it is one thing that is recommended to do by some folks is to write down what goes on during a seizure.

Note*: I am no doctor and what I share here if you wish to know more I advise, speaking with a medical person and do your own research.

A small introduction to what my condition is and myself is needed first.

I am 28 and my condition is guessed to have come from my families passed of bi polar, or as the new neurologist is saying possible head injury.  My hobbies, passion is computers, console gaming, Role-play think dnd, and a self study/student.  I will not let this condition slow me down when it comes to that as I have invested years into studying computers and the Information Technology trade of work.

The type of seizure that occur mostly are petite mal or complex seizures, depends on who you talk to.  When an episode occurs, I do not go to the hospital nor doctors, merely have to move on.  Any medical expenses are too costly right now and more costly in the future.  I do get headaches after the episode and tired for sure, but I push through the day without much of a choice.  Either miss class get behind, and or miss work and lose a job.  A dishwasher can be replaced with ease in town.  Do I panic when an episode occurs, not anymore. Why, because I am used to the effects and understand my body and limits to a point.  I have found some triggers to an episode, stress, a chemical Aspartame, lack of sleep, and malnutrition.  Aspartame is mostly found in artificial sweeteners and dietary food, drink products. Read the labels is all I can say.  Not sure read the label.  The frequency of seizures varies, but I want to 1 every 3 months – 6 months.  With that I consider myself very lucky or whatever you believe in.

I am sorry if this was blunt, but it is something I keep in the back of my head or not even there.  Thinking on it does bring in stress and anxiety.  It is my only excuse.  When I think on it I might write up a post here or when something occurs like my doctor visit etc.

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

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