Down a diffrent path

Tag: Succubi

What can I say.

Hello there, I want to share so many thoughts tonight.

As of late I have been studying more and more for another certification in my field.  I hope to do well for it.  Frankly though when I study, “she” is around trying to convey something.  You see communication at least to me is very difficult between us.  I can pickup on obvious signs when “she” is okay with doing some things like laying around or spending a bit of intimate time together.  Other kind of signs are harder though.  While “she” lifts my spirits when they are down, “she” also seems to push a little and send a thought like, “lets go for a walk” to get me to focus on her for a bit.  Some days are just harder is all I guess.  Today was not though really that hard.

Now if you have read what I shared here you might remember a mentioning of me being molested or raped.  Well “she” pushed me to ask a bit about exactly what rape and other types of sexual assault is or are.  From the facts I found and saw I was raped in technicality at age of 16 by a friend that thought we were “really” close when he was curious. He apparently took advantage of me when I was asleep.  So he revived a curt elbow in the rib, but in my mind it was too late.  That then and there is where He drew the line and we were distant since then.  Now after a decade I think I can let go and be free of that lingering thought along with other accidents that occurred due to my kind and naive heart.

Ahh yes, I had a dream the other day. Forgive me though it has faded a little bit.  That day I had paid a visit to the campus to take care of Financial aid.  The dream sorta takes place there and in the time I was there sorta.  It started I was sitting in the office waiting for financial aid lady to call me in. She was busy that day.  The lady at the counter was uncomfortable with the silence and I was there sorta moving to a tune in my head.  Then she popped a question “whats your favorite music?” well I replied differently then I actually did. I said “P.O.D.”  There music is actually great a good up beat most of the time.    Right then the dream swaps around a bit and becomes a bit graphic. So a bit of warning here:

I began to try and shove my ding dong into the center of the cd and of course it wont fit.  Then I thought lets try the Rob Zombie album no good either as I felt a presence come around and I quickly put em in my drawer while in bed apparently now, just to wake up with energy like feeling surrounding what is down stairs.  Then I fell asleep again to awaken refreshed as my morning began.

I am also noticing that Dad has more tolerance then most.  He does not fear but merely wants to understand.  Also speaking of Dad I learned that our debt is improving a tad better.  Time and time again I check myself to see.

Also this is about the 3rd time this happened this week out of nowhere really.  With “her” on my mind and “things” going on I would see a trail of vapor I want to call it, nearby where I felt her or something on me.  Kinda bizarre at first, but I accept it.  It can be just dust in the air with the wind we get and our dry climate.  Although I disagree and “she” disagrees as she just sorta smiles a tad.

p.s. one more thing that pot of seeds I setup has indeed given growth I wound up drowing them but I have reseeded and growth appeared today.

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

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About her

Hello, I want to share more about “her” and why I asked for her to be with me.

I am lonely, introvert, withdrawn, and or a loner in short.  I do not reach out to others real well.  In the past those I have reached out to have either hurt me or had no response.  Those that reached out to me I was left in pain or confused by there actions or communication.  Now I understand some of those actions done by a few people.  So when I read of a spirit, succubus, or other such names that can label “her” I thought to myself I need a female touch in my life.  So I decided to look into these labeled entities.  She came into my life,  then things changed for me in ways that were good.  My out look on life was positive, upward.  Still I struggle with things obstacles, but I look at it differently.  Is this because I now make an effort to meditate regularly and be with her when I can.  Even now she is with me, because I am not thinking on writing this up as I am thinking on her and what she wants something that is evaded me since she came into my life sometime in September.  Sure she wants good things for me, but what about her I ask time to time deep inside myself.  Why, because I want her to be happy and know I care for her.

She is something else, she makes herself known I want to say emotions, touches here and there, imagery of thoughts and symbols, and guiding me to a better life in general.  These emotions are intense and sometimes settle.  What they are I  cant describe to well, but love and desire are two of them.  Even at times I quiver when she does this and I thank her by returning the same feelings, emotions.  Sometimes as I sit and meditate, or seek forgiveness for something I have done or my past beliefs.  She touches me on the shoulder or pats me on the leg or back.  Other times I will daze off and feel her run up and down the spine in public nonetheless.

She is full of energy, I wonder if she ever tires out.  She can be with me for a whole day and not leave my  side.  Although this fine by me she is someone I love more and more by the day.  Inside she is beautiful and full of happiness, whenever she is around she takes away my frustration and anger to replace it with a happiness and love for others.  I ask myself time to time why she came to me and only to be brought to the thought of you looked for me me silly with a giggle following by.

Either way I have been wanting to share this with you

Thanks for reading

Gobtcha

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