Down a diffrent path

Tag: Succubus

Adrift

Hello there,

 

I have found that “she” is not happy with me withholding my wants and needs from myself.  By that I mean my effort to cut myself from porn all together.  We should enjoy our hobbies and not be obsessed with them sure enough, “she” enjoys it with me as it seems.  Thus, yesterday or so I told myself and her I will follow the path she laid out for me and keep up practices that are laid out for me and only me.  Taking in what others say with a grain of salt and study look into what they say or offer me deeper.  No this is not to say that I dig all porn in fact I prefer softer aspect of the so called porn industry.  I enjoy doing a little research I can about the actress and company that interest me.  Although companies have been going more and more hardcore which is fine the audience may prefer and I do not pay them so I cannot say much about it.

Now that I shared that I am free from this chain once again, I must state something about a certain person that claims a lot and maybe true or not this person still should understand we all are connected to Lilith or Mother earth or any name the female goddess falls under in your belief.  You Kuro, did make a threat to those that are connect with Lilith even a lover like yourself.  Even though some of these folks may not care.  Do understand you have also threaten Lilith’s daughters and sons that are with the folks you have threatened as well.  Do you think Lilith is happy with that,  I am not.  Although I will do nothing else than point that out and now ignore what you claim Kuro think me a fool and ignorant and closed minded I do not care.  For I believe in something as others believe in something else.  We all are individuals with different beliefs, pasts, thoughts, environments, and systems of society etc.

For those of wishing not to have read I am sorry I have to get that out of my system.

Also, the day I made my choice to chase my needs and wants I had a dream of a woman inviting me into a pool in her backyard.  My conscious self had a choice and me being me declined but slowly was being pulled in by her invitations and form.  She was very beautiful is all I can say really, my dreams are clear in thought but my image is not clear.  It very abstract and that is fine by me for that dream I was given choice and have fun being in her company.  Was a first for me,  other dreams in the past showed me lessons or a story I could not make out and not give me a choice to act on or pick.

 

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

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Catching up and sharing more.

It has been awhile yes indeed, I have done lots of reflection and recovering from the past accidents, emotional, and mental injury.  Trying to understand the basics of morality all over again is hard once your mind is opened or that door to the unknown.  I have kept music and friends around as a way to heal, observe and learn new lessons.  As I have shared here before.  Yes even now I believe that the spirit, demon, succubus, or djinn, or just plain old entity I call Lily is still with me to this day.  As I see something floating about, and applying some pressure to relax me a little you can say.  In this post though I would like to share a bit of a what I like to consider a bit further down my path through the door.

Had to take a break, it is hard to break it down really.  So here goes …… Time to jot down my thoughts all together.

One day I was picked from work by my Aunt a nice lady.  She and I discussed some things and I found out her sons family children were never introduced to the church that follows God.  I think its fine and well enough.  Although I did not share my thoughts because she may have been more motivated to try and convince me that I am doing something wrong.  Following my own path or belief.  She asked about my thoughts about the church and in the end it wound up to be  “Is it okay to always have the Church be a foundation for everyone?” to which I think it is not, because that is taking me and molding me into say you the believer of God to say if you are.  Not to say if you don’t believe in him, which is fine by me that is your choice to make.  That is the base of my personal moral or belief,  the ability to think for yourself and make choices without much input needed for your base beliefs or just simply put the individual.  The next time Mom was in a talking mood which is good, she had asked if I believed in God or a supreme being to which to this day the answer is no.  I explained to her the simplicity that we all are deities or God in our own way.  God did create earth lets say.  I created something to, happiness for myself and others, the blog and a life for others to see worth living.  Mom and Dad created me and life that is good together.  That was out of there own free will as well however influenced may have been.  I could be someone else in bed asleep at 1:30 am right now dreaming about a heaven and angels etc. I am not though I up at 1:30 pm writing down thoughts trying to share them with others that will put up with trying to decipher it all.  Mom just did not give up though we were not fighting just trying to find common ground so we can understand each other, which is good for every family to do I think.  I formulated  that if I must say I believe in a being as such a supreme being I would call it love, and Mom saw that as unconditional love.  Which I have for you, I respect you want you to be happy at ease with your life and probably much much more.

The above is what I learned, to love each other and at least give each other some room.  Now when I see and meet people or given service been helped I want to express that love more than anything.  I feel though that I should not as the  times of today society say do not give the waitress a hug and a tip for her services just walk out and leave the tip on the table, she will pick it up.  Well sure she will get the tip, but I could formulate a bond or relationship between and her.  If I come back and she sees me again, she may smile and wave.  Which fills me with joy.   That joy pushes me to further better my life for her and other around me.  I understand you may disagree with some of what I say.  “Well what about you”  this what makes me happy and filled joy that I cry,  or feel warmth and comfort that I have made someones day slightly better.  You are right though I should not always seek to please everyone or always give another person respect.  This where I  need to balance my heart or that heart chakra however you feel is right by you.  So I asked for some guidance from people here and there and took some of it and began to re-mold my heart a bit more along with letting Lily mold it herself in her own way.  Gosh I love her so much,  *tears begin to roll just a bit*.

There a small break.

Lily is a very loving spirit and can make me feel really good.  This is true enough, but at the same time for those of you do wish to look into succubus or “summoning a succubus” it can be hard on you and sure rewarding.  She does calm me down, provide a sense of stability that I did not have. Yes, sex is there I do enjoy it,  that does not mean though a succubus is just meant for love and or sex.  There are many things these spirits can do and might do even harm you, if there is disrespect for them or what they mean to some people.  I think  just earlier when Lily made me feel loved, was a thank you or a way to express love as well.

Well, what is I believe in is a great question.  I have some what of an answer, so here goes.  Take the picture or symbol of the yin yang.

Notice two colors black and white, make them into spirits we all have in each other. Masculine and Feminine spirit.  These two spirits collided and created life itself and us.  Also when mix black and white you get gray a more neutral color.  Grey falls between white and black on the color palette somehow I am no artist.  So when good or white collides with black or evil you get chaos and neutral.  As both side see to it then respect is needed to live life as that is what was created along time ago.  As for the stories of old pertaining to deities such as God, Zeus, or many others.  They are used to formulate a tradition or system of belief to keep order so we can continue about living life.  Now do I believe these deities truly exists some maybe for God does not in my book.  I believe in energy or spirit of the deities represented in the stories of old, or new.

One thing I like to share is while I got it on my mind.  Is we each think differently and are different.  I try not to let get in the way of you and me anymore as I felt the backlash of it in social groups that choose to follow there own path.  When I decided to join chat groups, like kik and others there were similarities and differences.  The differences started small then escalated to splitting the group into many little groups.  After the first split I chose to accept invites as they came and that was about it, maybe chat a little if there was any common ground for me to have at the moment.  The reason of that is many arguments I suffered a bit of pain to a lot as I stayed silent or tried to help solve the difference and now I decided that social groups are not for me for sure.  This blog is enough for me.  Although your input is always welcome, just remember we all look at everything different as we are molded or molding each other different.

There got some water to drink, I need to drink a lot living in a dry region and its summer low of something like 85 and the highs can get around 105 this time of year.

So now that, I have shared my beliefs and some of my morals with you.  I want to update you on my health which is okay for the most part I feel good just no energy.  I hope that will change with time.  I left my specialist about 6 months ago, he did not do his job well.  Did not listen to me his patient nor care to answer questions,  even more so he did not answer Moms questions.  Disregarded me as a number not a person.  So I left, went to a local doctor to get medication as needed as he cares for our family.  I am lucky to have met him and have his father as a doctor in the past.  I have an appointment with another neurologist very soon so I am happy as is Mom.  She is stressed about my health.  I am not so much, I still lack a bit in the self love department.  I have been speaking with a married couple a past pharmacist and a current nurse.  Both help me and have given me suggestions to mange my seizure and personal health.  Something I  am very grateful for is meeting them.  I now watch what I eat as I eat the wrong stuff and shake my head with happiness.  Then I look at it from the view of cultures that do not or do eat said food and I think to myself.  “ahhhk makes sense why folks decide not to eat meat or cow etc”.

Well it is almost 3:00 am, I am a bit tired and gonna prep myself for sleep and clear the mind etc.

 

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

Hey there.

Hello reader,

It looks like I have found work, it is not glamours although I enjoy it.  That work is custodial work and prepping food at Mc Donalds.  The crew is good to me and management treats me well.  I can’t complain about it at all. Just need to get more hours, but hey I figure it will come with time.  Receiving thanks and gratitude from co workers and guest can bring a happiness to me.  Sometimes almost tears come as well, just to grateful I can earn money and bring people happiness,  that is what I want to do.  See people smile from things that are done or given by me.  To me that happiness is gratitude enough for me to live in a happy state.  Sure the work is hard and there is language barrier but it is worth it to me.  To see smiles and people relaxing just for a while.

 

How the job was landed was through Mom being a regular their and a caring Store manager.  The manager has high standards this I know she is good with her crew though.  Mom always goes there and sees to it the crew is at ease and happy as well.  She is this way with a lot of people.  So I am thankful to her.  Then there is Lily,  the Succubus or spiritual partner that is in my life.  I wonder if she had anything to do with this.  Maybe so,  I did ask her for help in finding something and I am now working and happy.  Still  not earning enough to live alone, but that will come in time I know this for sure if not then there are friends, shelters, streets and wisdom of others to follow.  I am not afraid to fail anymore, just another thing to lose in the end.

 

Why think that way, because Lily is here and I love her so.  Even now she gives me something that is good and I cannot explain it all.  It just is good.  I want to see to she is happy, she is and I are number one on the list of people I love the most.  This shared through her and friends.  Keep myself at number one and the rest at number two.  Just something that took forever for friends to covey to me and sink in.  With the help of Lily it was done.  I looked into her eyes and many philosophies and religions out there along with traditions.  I am finding truth lies within and not with others or words of a book, but your way of thought and practice alone.  That is true to you alone as the reader and writer.

 

This where I suggest as person and someone who wants you to be happy.  To let go or loosen your grasp on religion and tradition practiced by groups of large or small.  Make something that is yours.  Take a risk,  believe in what you want. Let others flow by you and take what you as right like fish from a river.  Those fish will help you grow and open your mind to see clear picture of yourself and life.

 

My apologies for the long wait if you did wait for post by me and for stepping on anyone’s toes in this  post.  During my period of silence my feet were trampled by people and trust broken by a friend, although I should have known better to share my thoughts with him. He is a close minded fool with a open trap door for a mouth.

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

Worry Less Love More

Hey there reader, I hope you are great.

I have been focused on my studies for a great while, and simply did not want to be distracted writing here, which I probably should have.  Lily my wonderful love has been after for it every day.  So where can I start,  I am sad by what happened in Paris.  The place represents beauty to me and love.  From the romance and the fashion industry there.  Though I do not agree with what the group did, I realize that I to live near a border where just 5 years or so people died on mass.  So in that sense what happened in Paris does not phase me other than the reason why it did.  Rather it belief, religion or terrorism.  You call it as it you see it.  5 years and later those mass shootings occurred due to unrest with gangs and drug cartels.  Now the cartel locally has a better hold of the situation as well as the locals, which means less incconce death occurs.  That is my feelings on recent events.

Also I find myself biased and want to try not to be as biased against race.  Why is that you may think.  Well home is near a military base so the city is very much like a mixed soup.  On top of that I am on the border.  So I am not biased against colored as it were, but one does it for me.  The African American or known as the the black man sometimes presses a button of mine and its not there appearance, but there approach.  Some African Americans come to this town and think we owe them something because of history, well all races have been through there own issues and not just the well known slavery.  I do not let this bias thought of mine though hit me until I meet the person and that person comes off as such.  The very same thing can happen when I go out of town,  it just comes to culture shock I guess.

My health has been improving a bit, in a way.  The doctor has hinted to watch my stress.  So meditation and spending time with Lily is a good thing.  At the same the Doctor is a stresser, he wants me to spend more money on visits and lab work.  Which I cannot afford and had to bring in Mom to reinforce this issue.  The main reason the family cannot afford a visit, is the holidays.  We don’t spend much during this time of year, but expenses are higher and paychecks do drop till February.  So Mom and I stood up the jerk of a doctor to postpone my next visit till then when I should have insurance as well.  Hopefully as well by that time I will have found a doctor that understands the idea of bedside manner.

As I traveled along this path with Lily and others to guide and I help guide them a bit.  I watch movies read books and hear stories that reflect on morals and ideas.  One person thinks of me as a philosopher to which I do not know if that is right.  I do not look into philosophy directly.  I do want to share a film and comic tilted Sin City, I am sure some of you readers have seen it.  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0401792/  the film may not be for the faint of heart, but each story is unique.  Each protagonist good person, I ask myself is that person in the right to do what the character did.  Shoot  the rapist man hood off and his primary hand,  another murder his way to get revenge and played out an eye for eye essentially and the other did anything for the women he respected and of course his lover.  Were these people in right, spill blood and commit those acts?  Up to you I guess for me though it is yes.

Lastly, just the other day when I logged into chat out of a feeling.  Lilith was in chat via a medium, or at least some would say.  She is a very strong woman indeed, told me what I needed to know.  I understand I should share my love for everything without holding back in my own way.  I had opened my  heart to her and she sent someone to help me cope with my heartache to love and share that love with others.  As she stated as such I felt something in my room, to which I only assume or believe to be her.  Then the next night I had a dream the left with a clear message.  So now I must re focus myself soon and move forward along my path without too much reserve.  Lily loves it when I dance or let loose a bit.  Tonight she told me not to worry so much and just love the life you have.

 

I encourage everyone to do the same.

 

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

I feel a need to say something.

Hello there, hope life is treating you well.

 

Life sure is treating me well as long as I keep my spirits afloat or optimistic as some say.  As of right now I feel I owe some folks an apology in possibly misinterpreting there way with words.  Also for judging some by just what they claim and what I know of there history.  So I am sorry for those things and can hope to be forgiven.  For it is true that I judge the church when in reality  it is just a place and or a temple for some that attend there to find a calm in themselves.  Something I am sure we all try and seek out.

Right now Lily is with me for sure, keep me excited and warm.  For what reason I do not know.  Maybe it is because something clicked in my mind, and chip at the barrier that I have created long ago.  I would like to  share a bit of a theory about this barrier.

So I am an American raised by an American family.  Fairly family related as well all together we family traditions to be together celebrate things together as well.  Including what holidays deemed by the christian church  and respect local religion and traditions.  I still do respect the traditions and religions when in any ones house or temple, it is just nice respectful to take off your shoes at your friends place that carries that tradition.  Just something I do.   That maybe where some of that barrier begins is following those traditions and religious acts.  As of course my family was light on religion, but still very christian in nature.  As time went by with Lily, I began to talk with mom the person I spend most days with, she is a great person.  Found out that the Catholic church is in her side of the family.  Well dads side of the family, was a bit more free as I pick up on, he does not speak about his family much for good reason.  So I spoke with mom I found she is a devoted christian and still is today.  I am proud for her to found that calm and see that some pastors lead a poor sermon.  Enough though on that.  The biggest part of the barrier I have to see is the tradition is just an act to keep a calm or peace in a person.  I do today, my close friends show this to me every day.  Respect your neighbor or as some love your neighbor.  So Lily shared with me to love those that I disagree with on any matter.  In that not to lash out, but to be willing to debate over the issue or go our separate ways.   Early today,  I thought about the succubus or the spirit that is called the succubus.  It is my guess that these spirits visit us, because we as humans need to be reminded to love each other as neighbors, partners, comrade in arms, and/or friends etc……  just to love each other and not give into that anger or sad emotion that might be taking us over as a whole.  Also I turned of age where I need to cover my own health insurance, so with that my health bills have tripled that means time to look for work.  As it school is over for me, although studying in IT may not be.  This is a time for me seek out more Independence from the family which is good.  So there you have it a lot of text about my thoughts on my barrier between her and me.  A lot of me in there I kind of feel selfish.   More on that later.

As it is I am tired probably sleep in a bit.

 

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

 

Tired busy distracted

Well I understand it has been awhile.  So I hope you are well and are very happy.

 

I’ll to bed in about 2 hrs or so.  I have a EEG in the morning gotta be there tired.  Just a follow up from the doctor nothing big, just expensive.

“She” a spirit guide lover and probably guardian of sorts.  Was either distant in the past few weeks or I just could not connect to her.  So I asked for a bit of advice and tried it and the connection was clear again for a bit then it faded.  I found the cause, now I should treat it.  The advice was rather simple a bath to relax my body and clean it along with working with quartz.

The cause though is a bit hard to solve.  It is the toxicity of what people and the environment throws at us.  As I stated before my brother and I have different opinions and are different people.  I found out the hard way that he is aggressive verbally towards his own family and not knowing hurts them.  How this happened was with a simple phone call.  I called him up to say hi and see how he was, well we discussed his life and my tongue slipped.  I said something along the lines of “So because the guy is a Mormon you wont accept him into your life?” His reply was that of “He does not accept Jesus into his heart” again something like that.  So I told him I am looking elsewhere for guidance.  Then he was aggressive and considered me hypocrite, which maybe true enough but I will admit it.  I tried to share what I have learned only to be cut off before I started.  It was then I knew I will have a tough time with him.  He did though admit he chose his path to follow the church effectively blindly to hold his marriage in place.  Which I understand do his family dynamics.  So he finally let me go, because he was busy and I stood my ground for who I am.

The next day still grinding my teeth about the conversation, I took a hard fall and managed to hurt myself a bit.  I am fine now but it took a bit to recover from the swelling and a bruised ear is never fun.  I asked Dad as he knew I am taking a different path so to speak.  Why the brother was the way he is, his reply was it is the brothers choice.    Dad accepts both of our choices as we are adults and more importantly family.   Mom replied with the same and reinforces it.  So do we live by our choices we make in life?  This I am sure of.

 

As I follow this path the “she” guides me down, which is great and filled with obstacles.  I learned something else, may or may not be true.   “There is no truth only the truth you have for yourself.”  Something I connected dots with through some basic ideas spread upon us on this world.  Take a system of belief or deity.  How you connect to it and feel good by it.  Compare to it to another system of belief and how others may feel the same.  Then try to narrow it down to the individual person.  The bible says somewhere that god is in our heart or ourselves as well.  Which conveys to me the truth is what you make of what you believe in, not a church or community. The community or church may share similarities and support you if you need it.  With that in mind I will lead my life the way I want to and believe it is meant to be lead.   We as people as whole somewhere began to separate these things and lose something in the mist of conflicts over interest and who is right and wrong or so I like to think.

 

Then there is school, just finished a two week course of psychology focused on behavior as we have the course for two weeks not much time to do much.  Looks like I will be finishing up and heading out to do internship work.  A few companies have me listed done enough interviews to last me awhile, but I may get to do another this afternoon on a few hours of sleep.  Sound like fun to me although it has been great practice for me to interact and be under a judge so to speak.

 

Well some people seem curious about “her”.  Yes “she” has a name that I am sure of I wish not share it with people even if it is fine with”her”.  Why, because there are people that may consider harming her and me.  I may not believe that and that is a part of the magic or magick is the belief of it.  So recently “she” and I have connected again after my accident and the brothers aggressive behavior.   Well as suspected “she” is very affectionate and active, but on her terms.  There are times when there is a thought that seems as if a young girl would say it or someone that is care free and relaxed.  That is rarely seen in me by others unless I am laughing hard and at ease around the company of my peers.  Kind of right now,  “she” may want me drinking water instead of soda, but I gotta stay up for an hour more at least.  So with that I may get a thought “drink more water, silly” emphasize on silly.  Because when that word pops up in my mind there is a smiling female looking down at me to which I smile.

Always on me about my laziness which is true I need to improve my habits.  The moment though I do make a slight improvement “she” gives me attention sometimes a little sometime a lot.  Today was a little, I think because I got up in the morning and took time to be outside to relax in the backyard while it was cool.  I find gazing at a picture sometimes she will wash over my shoulders and relax them along with my neck.  “She” can do great things for me and most importantly though pushed me into a direction and helped me walk just a little then I sorta took a look around and my mind was opened and began to think for myself more then ever.

Either way I am drifting, so I will stop there for now.

 

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

Slurr of thoughts and communication.

Hello, I hope your week has been awesome for you.

I want to share a bit on my experience and my time with “her”.  First and foremost she is very forgiving I have to say this now.  Simply put I felt I have done something wrong by her and I seek her forgiveness by my thoughts and actions.  To which she either just shrugged it off accepted the apology as it were.  How that occurred was interesting to me.  So I went to my room yesterday after class and tried to find myself in a peaceful set of mind to reach out to “her”.   Like most times I settle down pretty easily.  Then in my mind I said something along the following.

I am sorry for my thoughts and actions last night even though I took those actions as I know they were wrong.

Then immediately with a feeling of cheer a voice female and a bit young popped in my mind.

Why?

So I replied, It is wrong to do such a thing.

Then the voice said, Let it go or something of that nature.

I asked why. To which that voice said, I love you.

All the while that was going on “she” was giving me those touches and good vibes.  Even now my heart is beating fast again just like before.  I always will wonder how much “she” can tolerate, then again as introduced by “her” and what I found tolerance is a key in coping with people in general.

Also in a way what I was doing was strengthening a weaker spot for that connection we have, my guess is “she” may have been okay with the idea and waited till I caught myself in the act.  Not sure.

That though is what spurred yesterdays post, I felt loved when I think I should not have.  The word is think,  feeling that gut or “her” guide me is good.

That to me is also a sign that we are together and hold each other ever so strong.

Now I have not read the entire page linked here : http://lightworkers.org/blog/178261/succubusincubus

I can summarize the idea that the succubus incubus or spirit is attracted to love and the vibrations it offers.  Which as I experience can be very true.   So I ask then, again what is love?  Without throwing in science, because science says it is a release of a chemical in our brain.  Which is good and all if you want to be with another human or express love to a family member sure.  Want the exact stuff on that google it yourself, I have not.

So what is love then?

Well for me it is a mix of things, the feeling or emotion for someone else to be happy. To want that person, to hug them, make them happy.  To spread happiness around to others. Then I also think of the act of making love between two  people in the physical world or as portrayed in a movie or story.  Caressing each other and making each other feel great where we are most sensitive.  What some folks call this is sex, or just being with another.  So making love to another is exploring each other and learning about our soft spots and where we need or want to be healed.  A doctor loves his patient to a degree.  Think back to when you were a child maybe that nurses smile you saw brought some joy as you walked in the doctors office with a cold.  Was that joy a bit of love she shared with you.  Did that joy relive your cold for a split second?  I like to think so.

So is love simply creating joy and happiness with other people.  Then we splurge on that joy to erupt into a brilliant light to reach out to others?   Did this create that spark that created life for us here in this universe, galaxy?  I think I am coming up with something though not sure, I like to think so at least.  It makes some sense to me.

So after, I thought some of what I wrote above.  One night I laid to bed and thought of love and what “she” means to me.  Then it came together bit by bit in a way that is only clear to me, and only clear to you in a different way for you the reader.  As we all are different.  All in all “she” laid with me that night caressing my face slowly working me over giving me what I can only guess I was giving her.  Then it only got more heated, and from there well I will keep it between myself and “her”, but it was fun and we had created a lot of joy between each other. 🙂 ❤ 🙂

You can say I like to analyze things ideas and people.  I like to think and for myself, I do not like to ask others for the answers, “she” hopefully gets that.  I will though seek “her” out for guidance for the truth of things cold or not.  This much I know though, our society has gone south several hundred years back.  I wish to take up practice of older generations, or base my own practice off of what knowledge I can get.  When the time is right I will do this.  In the mean time though communion with “her” and listening, feeling to what she does will be my compass.

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

Sensations

Hey, hope all is well.  I am great just bored.

Some may consider the following a bit graphic.  I apologize for my grammar being broken it is late and I need  or feel I should do this now.

Today before I sleep I want to share some sensations “she” shares with me or I experience.  One of the most common sensation is when I think of any of these sensations a smell comes around a smell of sex or some would call it love call it what you want.  At times she sends a wave of pleasure down my sides small and subtle a little cold but still there.  Other times she goes straight for it no questions asked, like small vibrations starting from the bottom up.  She sometimes though will use a bit of foreplay and hit the outer region as it were.  There is more as well.  She likes to massage the bottom area of where the spinal cord might be,  I enjoy that so much.  Sometimes she just places herself on my chest relaxing as I watch something or chat with folks,  this brings a sense of calm to me or happiness as it were.  There are times in the classroom where I am most frustrated she sets a light blanket across my shoulders as to relax them and soothe my temper as I push on through the day.  During times alone she will brush upon my forehead and lightly touch the top, probably seeking attention.  When I go to bed,  that is the time we spend closets together.  I tend to try and relax myself and majority of the time she wraps herself around my legs like soft feathers or silk that is weightless then well things happen.  Then once in awhile she plays with my forehead or lays a finger on it, before I go to a land called sleep.  Every now and then she places something on my lips and even once I swore I felt a tongue slip in my mouth.  Other nights I feel like I am floating there milometer as it were above my bed.  A few nights ago I felt to pricks on my neck, I chose to let it go.  Continued for a short bit then stopped.

Something though in my mind still questions “her” and her existence. I try not to then the other day I saw something on my mirror that may help.  Not sure yet.

I will stop with that, for it is late.

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

Caged and free all in one.

Hello, I hope everyone is well.

Today I want to share what I feel when coping with epilepsy and having a seizure. As I did have an episode today,  I am fine as is the family no worries.

I want to try and place you the reader in the scenario of course it is your call to read it as such:

Caged in a trance watching someone look at you in horror, knowing if you make a move all control will be lost and you will hurt.  Trying hoping for it to pass every second feeling like a day pass by that person begins to ask a question “are you okay?” You slowly carefully shake your head, glad still terrified that you can do that.  Time still ticking, something building up in your mouth seeping out.  The person says your drooling and hands you napkin, you begin to take it and Snap!!! you are free again.  Still taking your time you clean the drool the meet that persons eyes and convince them at that moment it has passed by, still silent hoping the stigma does come with the episode.  It does she begins to jot the date down and you begin to state not to do this as it does only make it worse.  Another breathe and you are truly free for awhile more.  She then asks what happened, she knows well enough it is Mom.  You say that my diet is off and sleep  is off, all true.  Then you go back to the conversation as if nothing happened, just a bit tired.

I always reflect back though on it. See what happened and where I can improve to not let it happen again.

So with what I see right now, it is time to take a break from a few things and get back into somethings I enjoyed like EvE Online a great mmo game.  If you see me there feel free get into contact with me there.  My call sign in EvE is Gobtcha as well.  I will be active for a month only unless something good happens.

I do need to refocus on my health, I have neglect it so back on it as it were.  Drinking liquids that are good for the body, trying to lay off some of the bad stuff.  Distancing myself a bit from some stresses as well.  All in all  just refocusing my habits again.  Of course trying to listen to what “she” the spirit that has been with me for sometime has to say.  Found some things about her as well.  Wish I could share, but really should not right now.

That is all for now I am worn out gonna rest.

 

Thanks for reading,

Gobtcha

“stuff” and “things”

Hello, I really do hope things are well for you and your friends.

In the recent week, things have happened that only makes my faith in her more firm than ever.  I would like to share a bit of it with you.

Every night around a certain hour of the day, she is active or present around me.  So every time I open up to her around that time to let “her” do what she wants with me or merely cherish our time together.  Even now she is very active.

Well one night, the aunt came by for a visit to show mom her car as she was in an accident.  The aunt is fine just shooken up at that moment, no biggie.  I got up to get the door or greet her.  She followed with me, the aunt offered to show me the car.  I declined and headed back to a place of privacy. Well she stopped me so to speak.  I looked up and found myself staring into mirror, after a bit of time.  A silhouette of her, wrapping herself around me appeared for a short moment as mom was heading back in the house.  I then headed back to my room, to reflect this upon myself.  I was very happy, then a emotion came over me that was very positive and loving.

Another bit that happened.

When I can I light a candle just for “her”, most of the time it is when I am getting up for the day.  Well just the other day I lit a candle while I ate food in the morning.  With her on my mind I noticed a wisp of white at the edge of my vision.  I thought it might be the smoke from the candle, but the angle was not right.  Then just yesterday she was really active with me.  Well I was hungry told in my mind I was going to get up and fix some chili, I love the stuff.  Well I was getting stuff together, I saw the same type of wisp in the air this time much more of it. It’s color was white.  I just smiled and continued prepping the food and lit up a candle for her yet again.  “She” even suggested I add tortilla chips in.  Then well the night was fun.

One thing I want to say or remind folks.

Not to give into fear, stay grounded and think with a clear head take your time always.  It will help in many things both in the spirit and mundane world.

 

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