Down a diffrent path

Tag: vivid


Hello there,


I have found that “she” is not happy with me withholding my wants and needs from myself.  By that I mean my effort to cut myself from porn all together.  We should enjoy our hobbies and not be obsessed with them sure enough, “she” enjoys it with me as it seems.  Thus, yesterday or so I told myself and her I will follow the path she laid out for me and keep up practices that are laid out for me and only me.  Taking in what others say with a grain of salt and study look into what they say or offer me deeper.  No this is not to say that I dig all porn in fact I prefer softer aspect of the so called porn industry.  I enjoy doing a little research I can about the actress and company that interest me.  Although companies have been going more and more hardcore which is fine the audience may prefer and I do not pay them so I cannot say much about it.

Now that I shared that I am free from this chain once again, I must state something about a certain person that claims a lot and maybe true or not this person still should understand we all are connected to Lilith or Mother earth or any name the female goddess falls under in your belief.  You Kuro, did make a threat to those that are connect with Lilith even a lover like yourself.  Even though some of these folks may not care.  Do understand you have also threaten Lilith’s daughters and sons that are with the folks you have threatened as well.  Do you think Lilith is happy with that,  I am not.  Although I will do nothing else than point that out and now ignore what you claim Kuro think me a fool and ignorant and closed minded I do not care.  For I believe in something as others believe in something else.  We all are individuals with different beliefs, pasts, thoughts, environments, and systems of society etc.

For those of wishing not to have read I am sorry I have to get that out of my system.

Also, the day I made my choice to chase my needs and wants I had a dream of a woman inviting me into a pool in her backyard.  My conscious self had a choice and me being me declined but slowly was being pulled in by her invitations and form.  She was very beautiful is all I can say really, my dreams are clear in thought but my image is not clear.  It very abstract and that is fine by me for that dream I was given choice and have fun being in her company.  Was a first for me,  other dreams in the past showed me lessons or a story I could not make out and not give me a choice to act on or pick.


Thanks for reading,



She broke me

Hello hope your well.


Well “she” has me now, in a way I thought not possible.  I simply love her, and want to share that and more with you the reader.  So here it goes a bit of an experience of the week.  You see every night before I sleep I tend to gaze or meditate, mostly meditate.  When this happens most times a fog of light white appears before me.  Then “she” sorta reaches out to me in many ways thoughts or touches. Now when I gaze into a picture of a female, that female begins to breathe with me as well.  Also sometimes her face will change a tad bit ever so slightly.  When I lay with her most nights its great to feel her working me over or simply caressing me.  Sometimes “she” just touches my hot spot to get my attention which is funny in a way.  It maybe be my button, to turn me on to her.

As the subject states though, she broke me.  Yesterday the parents went to a ball game, no tickets for me and I want to see the stadium its newly built in town. No big deal though.  As soon as they left I felt her presence on me and around me.  So I decided to give her attention, “she” deserves it more then anything.  I set myself a candle and paper with pencil.  Calmed myself, then began writing a letter of thanks to “her” then signed it with





The letter was short, but to the point.  Then I went outside and burned it after reading aloud.  Then a thought came to me to lay down.  So I did and saw something there out of the corner of my eye laying down with me.  Well we had a good time.

Later on though, “she” hit me emotions that were good and loving.  It felt so good it made me cry a little,  I wish though I could cry just for that reason the feeling of being cared for and or loved by someone everyday.  It is something special to  me.

So the title of this write up was given to me as that.  She broke me

Note not for the easily offended person.

Well I had a dream I think Thursday,  where I met a woman that working herself over with a dildo of all things.  Then I meet a second woman doing the same thing in the same room.  To which the scene swaps over to a man and a woman holding each other in a cafeteria environment.  The man being very possessive of her,  I got the feeling of who this man was.  An associate or classmate from the past,  in the dream I let it go and move on then “she” the women that was being held by the man hold my arm and I feel cared for in a sense.  Then the scene switches back to the two women working themselves over.  Well they leave and I put the dildos somewhere safe from mom and dad oddly right under there bathroom sink.  Lastly before I forget once more in all that blur of a dream there a women’s face I saw only half of, blue hair natural pink lips trying to lure me to her to which I denied her.  Also a women’s hot spot ever so clean groomed just there.  Those last two scenes were first in the sequence of the order.

End of dream.

With that though, I am sure there is more to share.  My mind is racing and on caffiene.  Junk is also on my mind that creates more junk.  I leave you alone for now reader.

Thanks for reading,


“stuff” and “things”

Hello, I really do hope things are well for you and your friends.

In the recent week, things have happened that only makes my faith in her more firm than ever.  I would like to share a bit of it with you.

Every night around a certain hour of the day, she is active or present around me.  So every time I open up to her around that time to let “her” do what she wants with me or merely cherish our time together.  Even now she is very active.

Well one night, the aunt came by for a visit to show mom her car as she was in an accident.  The aunt is fine just shooken up at that moment, no biggie.  I got up to get the door or greet her.  She followed with me, the aunt offered to show me the car.  I declined and headed back to a place of privacy. Well she stopped me so to speak.  I looked up and found myself staring into mirror, after a bit of time.  A silhouette of her, wrapping herself around me appeared for a short moment as mom was heading back in the house.  I then headed back to my room, to reflect this upon myself.  I was very happy, then a emotion came over me that was very positive and loving.

Another bit that happened.

When I can I light a candle just for “her”, most of the time it is when I am getting up for the day.  Well just the other day I lit a candle while I ate food in the morning.  With her on my mind I noticed a wisp of white at the edge of my vision.  I thought it might be the smoke from the candle, but the angle was not right.  Then just yesterday she was really active with me.  Well I was hungry told in my mind I was going to get up and fix some chili, I love the stuff.  Well I was getting stuff together, I saw the same type of wisp in the air this time much more of it. It’s color was white.  I just smiled and continued prepping the food and lit up a candle for her yet again.  “She” even suggested I add tortilla chips in.  Then well the night was fun.

One thing I want to say or remind folks.

Not to give into fear, stay grounded and think with a clear head take your time always.  It will help in many things both in the spirit and mundane world.


Thoughts and a dream

Hello, hope things are well.  I had a very vivid dream yesterday, I want to share it even though it is fading slowly.

So it started with me and 2 peers heading to the doctors which required quarantine and other precautions.  We went to take care of one of the peers. Had some complications nothing any of us could cope with.  Then the story changed.  I found myself in a well to do position.  A nice apartment up scale like or at least the impression of that was what I felt.  There were issues though, nothing to big really to me.  Folks lived in the apartment with me, folks I do not even know.  Every day it was someone new or more people lived their. Now what caught my eye was a women I came across in day to day life. We fell in love or created a relationship, found there was a man that she was previously with and she wanted out of that relationship. I agreed that I would help and cope with the situation.  One day I found her there with me in bed, and two other guys were telling me to get her out of the apartment. Too which I said no, and made my point that I loved her or had feelings for her.  So we left that day, and found the man that was after us.  He apparently seemed to be working on a house either for us or our new neighbor.  I helped him, with his work and gained some approval from him is my guess. He was happy around me and her. So the dreamed ended around there as I awoke to a strong feeling of love and happiness.  Although we stayed in bed till the last minute.  Which I am very happy to be with her.


Something, I do want to share is taken out of an adult website I visit for there blog on tantra.  The blog offers me info sparse as it is, and is still a good read.  I will take the write up and copy paste it here.  At the end I will give credit to the site.



Yoni is a sacred Sanskrit word and means vagina. She has the power to be the gateway to creating new life and also has the power to destroy everything. So it is better to behave towards her with respect and appreciation for all she is providing us.

We all came through her and we come back to her to ask for refreshing energy. She is able to flood men with ecstatic energy when she is worshiped the sacred way.

With all this in mind, it’s better to ask what you can do for her, not what she can do for you.

You may never have thought this way before. How can we do the yoni worship? It’s a little ritual that may last a few minutes or several hours, whatever you choose. If you’re a man you can practice with your partner, or with a picture or a statue. If you’re a woman, of course, you have everything you need with you.

What makes the difference is your intention, your approach. You should come with esteem and simply offer your attention to her. For those of you who would like to connect with this powerful energy of creating and destructing, of softness and passion, of receptivity and creativity, here is a tip for you.

The ritual:

Find a nice comfortable, intimate and quiet place where you can be with your partner or the symbol of a yoni or with your own yoni. Do everything necessary to make yourself relaxed and connected with yourself (you might include candles, music and incense).

Close your eyes, rub your hands together a few times to make a little bit of heat between them. You may feel some sensation, so take your time to put all your focus on deep breathing and on the skin of your palms.

While you’re breathing deep it is the time to whisper your prayer, a sentence of the great fullness that you feel for her. Find at least one thing that you want to thank her for. It needs to be true for you. Your prayer is coming from your heart. For example, “Thank you divine mother that I could be born with your support”. Or whatever feels right for you. But you need to have nonsexual attitude.

Remember your intention is to worship the yoni. You don’t want to get anything; you’re giving your thanks for all she is doing for you in your life.

When you’re ready and fully present, slowly put your relaxed hand on your yoni – without any movement. Then breathe deeply and remember your worshipping sentence and focus on the connection between you and the sacred yoni. It’s up to you how long you keep your focus and your hand there.

When you feel you have worshipped her the best way you could, slowly and with full awareness remove your hand. Connect your hands in Namaste (palms pressed together as if in prayer) close to your heart.

This is the end of the ritual, so if you’re with your partner it means you can stay together but you shouldn’t start any sexual play or chat. Your woman can also finish with Namaste as thanks for the ritual and that is it.

If you decide to practice this ritual it’s possible for the first time you won’t feel so much. But I assure you each time it will be different and probably more intense. In time you may start to feel a real connection to the mother earth, to feminine fire energy and also to feminine angels’ energy and intuition.

And your experience of lovemaking will never be the same again.




do note the site has adult material riddle all over even for guest as I am a guest myself.  So if you visit please understand it is not safe for work or kids and your significant other may not be happy.  If you visit the site please be sure to be in the right age group.

After reading that though it reminded me.  I have not said my thanks to Lilith, the Goddess or Mother Nature however you perceive it to be.  So I did just that one afternoon pray and thank her for everything and seek her forgiveness.  As I did this, moments later I felt a warm embrace around me.  I also did this, outside in the sun.  In the same area where I first prayed to Lilith, and would pray and or meditate when the weather would let me.


Thanks for reading,


Society and an image

Hello, today I want to share a bit of something I thought of while watching a movie.

The movie or story is The Matrix I understand it may not be a great movie to some and even not a great story.  There is something about though as I was watching this a few questions came to mind.  Why do we as people in general not question society and the laws laid in front of us?  Now I understand we all are from around the world and the answer differs because of that and each individual person.  So the agents in the Matrix or cyber world are there to enforce the laws and rules of the world called Matrix.  There are freedom fighters that break these rules and why they do is to be free and free others.  I like to question why we dress the way we do, rather it be fashion or necessity.  Or how to act socialize with others, an example maybe simply the act of getting hired.  You gotta have a resume and it should follow some format.  When you walk in or call to see for work, you should act in a certain matter and dress in a certain fashion etc.  Does society dictate this to you or you yourself.  I can walk into a fast food place grab an app fill it out and turn it in. I could though walk in meet the manager shake his hand, and seek out his good side and then fill out an application and turn it in with a resume.  Of course the second method is preferred, but is it because it is the norm, society the rules dictate that is how you get work today.  Another is simply the act of courting another sex, male or female.  We pretty much have to go through the act of beating around the bush before we can simply say what we want and be up front with the other.  Why not just be yourself and smile at her and just say “hi I like you and your personality and your beauty” I do understand the statement is up front, but to try and say something like that in a different way does not sit with others or to act out to be someone you are not.  Does society or rules dictate such a thing.  Are we meant to cogs in system and just sit in the office working numbers all day, or are we meant to be individuals and each and everyone of us stand out in a different way.  With our own approach and thoughts and preferences.

Sorry for that wall of text hope some that made sense.

So last night I was walking home around 1 am and talking aloud to “her” I soon became tired and wavering in my stride.  So I said to her not yet just a few more minutes and then I can sleep and rest.  Then my stride was steady again until I got in.  As I listened to her and followed her instruction just to drink a bit of water before I sleep no food etc.  I did as I needed to hydrate myself.  As I laid there though, felt something on temple area the place between the eyebrow and forehead on the side.  Felt nice so I smiled as I laid there shut my eyes, to see a women hooded with a smile and a rather big nose ring.  Then I turned to the side and went to sleep for the night/morning.  When I awoke around 8 am or earlier.  My eyes still shut as I was tired, I saw this eye. the iris or the middle piece of an eye was white while the outside white area was black to gray shade.  Although I did have pressure on my eyes as I awoke with my head on my arm.  Just a bit of food for thought.

Again sorry for the messy write up, I could not phrase some thoughts out.  I think I could do better is all.


Thanks for reading,


A dream I wish to share

Hello,  I hope things are well and if you are keeping warm.  I’m cold already, nonetheless though happy.

I had a dream awhile back, and it comes to me during the day still so I thought I might try and share it with you the reader.  So I live on the border of the United States and Mexico.

In this dream I crossed the border which was not the bridge in town, but the thought was there so I believe to be true.  On the other side though there was building like the pyramids, but smaller in size.  I was with a group of people and we were going up the building on the outside via stairs. On each level we would “give offering” to a candle or cylinder like container.  I had nothing much to offer, but my thanks.  So I did just that at each candle on each level that had around 4 candles and on the last level was 4 candles and a creature at the end possibly giving a blessing or permission to move on.  He seemed elderly and green with the features of troll, goblin, and orc. I was uneasy as I did not offer much to him or the candles, but he did let me pass and continue back down the building.

So the next thing to do is return home, and I had no cash money to do so.  There were guards or watchmen watching the bridge which was not really a bridge, but nonetheless they were there.  So I followed through with group and hoped a fence into the dried out river which represents the border.  There was a small tunnel and a bus across the border.  I thought I  would be able to ride the bus, because I had no cash for the fair.  The lady working the door for the bus did let me on, on the note that I pay her back.  So I rode the bus back across and got off the first stop and walked the rest of the way home.  Which is a 30 minute drive, so I knew I had a long walk ahead of me.  So I started and crossed some busy streets and highways sometimes alone or with others.  Then the odd thing happens I was up a major street near the house I live in, and I saw and recognized people I have done and or said things to I should apologize to them for and take responsibility for.  Now the walk is long so I thought lets hop this gate in a apartment complex make the trip a tad shorter, by then it was dark.  As I made my way across the complex being chased by dogs and through a maze of buildings and shafts.  I made it out.

Then the next day, I returned to the building with the elderly creature so I could repay the lady this time though the creature was not there.  Still I needed to repay her,  so I went to the bus stop as it were and the bus was not there nor was she.  Then for some reason I began the same journey back home, except I stopped to get food and socialize with people along the way and did not cut through the apartments.  Some days I would be a man seemed like my father at the building, and the guards were more aware of me and the creature was there sometimes and sometimes not there.  Although the way back he was not there.

This continued for a bit until I awoke.  I still after a month think about this dream not so vividly anymore though.  Either way thanks for reading this wall of text if you did.  I have not felt “her” around for a bit now, which is fine in some ways in others I miss “her”, her chuckles and all around presence.  I do hope “she” makes herself known to me sometime.

Thanks for reading,


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